<p>I am amazed that this isn’t simply his decision. </p>
<p>If he doesn’t want to play soccer, why should he have to play soccer?</p>
<p>Some kids thrive on extremely full schedules; others do better if they limit their commitments.</p>
<p>Incidentally, I think that if you and your husband insist that he continue his involvement in soccer even though he wants to quit, his resentment could be extreme. I did this once to my son when he was in elementary school. He wanted to quit a soccer team in mid-season, but the team had only the minimum number of kids on its roster and would have had to forfeit the rest of its games if he quit. So I made him play out the season. He resents it to this day.</p>
<p>Another soccer parent here – my son have just ended high school season, and will be heading back into winter training for spring club team in a few more weeks. </p>
<p>As a 9th grader, your son is adjusting to a lot of new challenges academically and athletically, including playing with high schoolers of all ages and sizes. Juggling the daily practice and game schedule, on top of school, is a challenge and it makes sense that he is exhausted. My kid hangs on through the fall season academically and then shifts his focus to pick it up academically once high school season is done. Its worked for him, because he loves the sport. Spring season feels like a breeze in comparison, because practice is only twice a week, with weekend games, rather than getting home from away games after 9 pm at night.</p>
<p>If your son can keep his place on club team for spring and then decide later whether he wants to play once he has gotten some more time to adjust academically, that might be a solution. I realize that you would presumably be out your club fees if he does not play, and maybe some resentment from the club if it has a gap in its roster now.</p>
<p>If your son is feeling anxiety rise about games – its possible that he would feel anxious about performance in something else, and that the goal is to work on strategies for managing the stress, in whatever context, rather than removing this specific source of stress. I say this, with all respect, as the parent of a child with anxiety disorder. There will be many possible triggers along the way, in high school and beyond, and we can’t remove all of them for our kids (as much as I wanted, and tried, during the high school years). </p>
<p>If he does not love the sport, and does not feel happier overall when he plays, then maybe this is a good time to shift his energies. Its complicated, always, hang in there. No right answer, and its just so hard to watch them struggle or be in pain. </p>
<p>Just to clear up a couple of things: He plays now for his high-school freshman team. Practices end around 4:45 but I drive another kid home every day to help out his mom (single and struggling), so we don’t get home till after 5 pm. On game days, my son might not be home till 6:30. He is just wiped out and I know he feels he doesn’t have much time for other ECs. On the weekends, he spends a lot of time lying around the house in his robe. I don’t know if it’s to compensate for the crazy weekday schedule or what. He does see friends sometimes, but he doesn’t need a lot of socializing to be happy.</p>
<p>The spring team is a newly formed travel team with two levels, A and B. My son was given one of the last spots on the A team even though he was initially aiming for the B team. I think the A team will be way too intense for him and I would certainly advise him to pick the B team if anything. But I don’t think it’s our decision. I agree with you all. I would never force him. In fact, our son quit a travel team two years ago that was just too intense. He hated it and wasn’t having any fun at all. He switched to a lesser team that lost almost all games but at least he was having fun. </p>
<p>One reason for the success later on in college is ability to manage time, to be engaged in un-related activitties and excell in ALL of them. Having fun with different type of people and grow up to be accepting person who can connect easily.<br>
If a 9th grader has a problem with palying soccer, I assume that he either never liked it or end up to liking it. They do not give up something that they a passionate about. Successful ones, as I have mentioned are involved in much more ECs than sport, and they do it becuase they want to participate in a variety of activities, and they want to meet different people. That is what they say ot my in my family. This should not prevent them from having straight As (if they want to). Some are developing skills of doing their homework in their head while actually at sport practice (and they never neglect opportunity for social fun there either). Then they just put it down when at home, unload so to speak. This is a very valuable skill that serves them well in college and beyond.
I do not know muc about soccer requirements. But some sports require about 3+ hrs / day (with travel+locker room), including many weekends and out of town competitions. If they love it, they will manage and still be on top with theri grades. </p>
<p>For sure, lay out the expectations and consequences, but for elite college admissions, doing a bunch of ECs may not actually help that much. If S wants to concentrate on academics, then let him (but tell him that you’ll hold him to his word). Life lessons: Everyone only has a certain amount of willpower to do things that they dislike. If you do things that you are passionate about and are interested in, it does not feel like work. The only caveat is that you may have to undergo a phase that is hard and unpleasant to reach another phase that is more rewarding and enjoyable, and if that is the case, quitting is bad. But unless your son has the potential to be a recruited athlete in soccer, I don’t see what playing soccer builds towards. The anxiety thing is another issue. One thing is that it gets better with age and experience, and another is that if I had that problem, I’d rather tackle that on my own terms and at my own pace rather than doing so when games are forced upon me.
Your H seems out of touch with your S. Did he have anxiety issues as a kid?</p>
<p>What you’ve described doesn’t sound unusual for any significant high school EC. I wonder whether he needs to learn better work habits and adjust his expectations of how much he needs to accomplish on the weekend when he is lazing around. As far as running instead of soccer, my freshman daughter is spending about 15 hours per week on XC. Her day is slightly longer than your son’s. I’m not saying he shouldn’t quit (and I don’t think it should be a matter of you “letting” him–it’s his life). But he may find that the school play or the marching band or the track team is just as time consuming and tiring and that what really needs to change is how he manages his school work.</p>
<p>Your son is not a quitter and this seems like a very rational choice. </p>
<p>I was a year round athlete until the injures, time commitment, etc all caught up with me around freshman year of high school. It wasn’t fun anymore so I quit. I played rec leagues on and off and coached young kids to get my sports fix but never really regretted my decision. Plus it freed up time for other ecs and I got involved in theater and started my own clubs. </p>
<p>Listen to your son. No one should be forced to play a sport </p>
<p>From what I have gathered from the posts of the OP, this is not unusual: an out-of-control high school soccer program that is missing quality over quality. At the middle and high school level (in age) even the most demanding programs do not require more than 3 hours a practice a week. And this is not talking about the lower level school programs but about the more demanding travel/select programs. Schools are often confusing the practice requirements of football with soccer and missing how completely different the sports are. Despite its success in the US, soccer remains mostly misunderstood at the lowest levels because of the lack of history in coaching and the presence of many glorified but well-meaning amateurs. In states that have a very high level of travel/select teams, high school is either irrelevant or a complete nuisance. For full disclosure, this comes from a family where soccer was front and center through participation from the 4 years old YMCA to the highest levels of competition, including national teams. </p>
<p>In a nutshell, the OP should not worry about it too much. The kid who does not care for the sport too much and is getting nervous about games should be allowed to have fun and pursue other more meaningful and pleasant activities. The kids who fully embrace soccer as a sport do not go through such emotions, and never have difficulties managing their schedule. The dilemmas happen to the other kids. </p>
<p>If the kid loves to play for fun, let him sit out one season, absolutely forget about the Fall program at the high school, and sign up next year for the Spring with the outside team. </p>
<p>As soon as a sport becomes a chore and not 100 percent about having fun, it is best to … quit. Does not mean that one becomes a quitter as much as finding better opportunities to do what kids should do. </p>
<p>All true. Very true. We’re not talking about a first grader here. He is on his way to being a man and he has strong opinions. Hmmm…Is DH out of touch with DS? Maybe. Will have to explore that further.</p>
<p>I disagree. The only kids I knew who excelled in all of their activities were kids who carefully chose to participate only in activities in which they knew they could excel. Some were quite successful in college (where they used the same strategy), but they never had a chance to try things that they might have liked but in which they could never have been outstanding.</p>
<p>I don’t like using the word quit when one finishes out a season. The committment is fulfilled if your son finishes the season. In my mind, if he chooses to not go back out for soccer, he is changing directions or trying something new, not quitting. Otherwise when does it stop?</p>
<p>Unless you are going to be a recruited athlete, the admissions ROI on high schools sports is lousy. It takes up a lot of time and money. There’s 12,000 HS soccer teams in the U.S. Which means there’s 12,000 team captains applying to college each year and over 100,000 varsity players, many of which are All-Something… Big yawn from the admissions office. It is amazing how many parents are so misinformed about this.</p>
<p>Much better ROI to have your kid find something more unique and less time consuming. Have him learn Japanese and get one of his poems published in the Tokyo Journal of Haiku. How many other kids are going to do that? Quicker/easier/better to be the state champion at debate or Model UN, etc.</p>
<p>If your kid likes soccer, fine. Otherwise, there’s basically no point to continue.</p>
<p>@mathyone: My suggestion regarding XC was less about the time commitment (although we’re fortunate that DC#2’s coaches run efficient practices) and more about the idea that the type of competition runners engage in might be more suitable for this particular kid. </p>
<p>I guess some people soccer is a sport and for others it is like the Mafia – the only way you leave is in a pine box carried by six of your closest friends.</p>
<p>This is absolutely true, and to make it worse, the same yawn is shared by actual college soccer coaches. Except for very few schools, there is no recruiting in soccer at the school level. All the activities are taking place at the very large tournaments and showcases. People in the soccer world will know the names and the places where they take place. </p>
<p>This said, I do not think that the OP had college recruiting in mind for her son. She is concerned about happiness and the possible repercussions of “quitting.” </p>
<p>Again, I believe that the focus should be on finding better opportunities for pleasure and fulfillment. As Northwesty said, finding something “more” unique than soccer might pay huge dividends. One could quit soccer and turn out to be quite a winner! </p>
<p>Ask the soccer club if they might be willing to redirect the fees you paid to their scholarship fund to sponsor a kid who wouldn’t otherwise be able to play. Then you’d get a tax break and also wouldn’t feel bad about just throwing the money away on something your S changed his mind about…</p>
<p>I generally agree with letting a kid stop an EC in which they have lost interest. I want to throw another idea out here, which probably has nothing to do with your kid. Sometimes kids want to stop activities to distance themselves from peers who are getting into risky activities. Parents may not be aware of all that is going on till long afterwards. My brother did this. One of my kids did this. The fifteen year old son of some of our best friends took off on an unpermissioned road trip to the other side of the country, with parents credit card, and a car full of illegal drugs, with his teammates, one of whom drove. Ironically enough, soccer teammates. I think there can be excellent reasons for insisting certain kids continue with ECs when they want to stop. And usually parents know their kids best of anyone. However, when all round mature and responsible kids want to stop participating in extracurricular activities, I am very cautious about insisting they continue. jmho</p>
Maybe some sports. My kids did various activities (Literary magazine, math team, academic team, Science Olympiad) and were rarely home after 5 pm. I would be sick of soccer too if it met every single day.</p>