<p>Caution - I am a frustrated mom who needs to vent. My S is going off to college (freshman) and his younger bro is having a terrible time.
Younger S is a great kid, entering gr. 9, but took half day at the high school last year. 4.0, pre-IB, and has given us zero trouble.
Suddenly he wants to do nothing except sit around the house and look at the computer (surfing - cars, music, etc. - not inapprop. except for time spent).
He has been devoted to soccer for years - high level travelling team, and has suddenly announced (one week before try-outs) that he doesn't plan to play in HS.
Two boys have been very close and have always shared a room, spent much time together, etc.
I can't help but think some of younger's suddent shifts are due to thinking about older going away.
I just don't know - I can't seem to convince him to stick with his sport, and he is trying to convince me that everything is fine, he's just tired of it and wants a break.
I fear him getting out of school and having wayyyyyy too much free time on his hands in the afternoons. Only 14.
Am I over reacting?
I am really upset about the soccer issue. I fear he'll regret it,,,,,</p>
<p>I am just a HS junior, but I have friends who were/are also very, very into soccer.</p>
<p>At about the HS age (although a few years later than your son's experience) most students heavily involved in club soccer quit if they do not plan to carry it on to college. Maybe your elder's departure has awakened that feeling in your son.</p>
<p>I have many friends whose parents just didn't understand... but as HS goes on club soccer becomes a huge drain on them.</p>
<p>Of course this could be totally totally off what your son is experiencing. But wait for the school year to start! I always get totally depressed in the weeks before school (maybe that's just because I'm starting a harder year every year). Being around friends at school might even change his mind!</p>
<p>I hope I wasn't too far off.</p>
<p>Thank you, hollyert!
I know that club soccer is a life-sucking thing
I just think that playing HS and quitting club could be pretty fun and a little freeing.
I'm so afraid he'll regret giving up both and end up sitting around with nothing to do.</p>
<p>Encourage him to play HS! But wait until school starts, and ask around with other parents to hear when the sports meetings are for interested students (if this isn't already available to you). He will probably end up missing soccer if it was such a huge part of his life up to now, and as long as you're not <em>too</em> pushy, having your support will make him feel like he made a good choice, which he needs to feel, even if it wasn't a good choice.</p>
<p>Also, a bit of sabotage: do something to mess up the cable connection at home... (sort of half-kidding here)... buy him tickets to a theme park for him and his friends... get him out of the house with friends! Nothing feels more like high school than that.</p>
<p>Maybe he would prefer another sport? Freshman year of HS is a great time to try something else. Lacrosse, fencing, water polo? :)</p>
<p>the HS sponsored practices to prepare for tryouts are next week. He signed up and paid for it long ago. Try-outs are one week after that. What I am asking him to do at this point is compromise with us by attending the prep practices, then if he still feels like he doesn't want to go to try-outs, parents don't bug him about it.
He can't "change his mind" if he doesn't go to tryouts - they won't allow him in.
He is planning on playing a spring sport.
I'm just concerned at this rather sudden change ----- as well as the fact that if he misses tryouts he's sunk for a year in terms of soccer.
Hollyert - the other thing about friends is that all of his best buddies are his soccer buddies - it's like suddenly he's out of the loop.
Does it sound like I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill,
or is this one of those times that I should stick to my hunch because it has huge repercussions for time usage, peer group, etc.???</p>
<p>There's also the possibility that, as he's on the cusp of HS, he's considering doing other things. Trying new activities. Learning what he really likes, versus what he's always done because it's there. With my younger son, I finally learned to trust his instincts. He didn't quit because he was depressed about something; he usually quit because something else came along that was more interesting.</p>
<p>what about fear, no matter how amazing the travelling team was, and many are not really the competitive regardless of claims made, he could be walking onto a really competitve tryout group- at my Ds HS, we knew many kids who played soccer for a decade and got cut at HS soccer, it was really tough, and those kids were hardcore</p>
<p>I would tell him that its okay if he doesn't want to play soccer, but he does need to have a plan- something to fill his time- ask what clubs, etc he is interested in</p>
<p>You can't assume he will make the team anyway, and that he will even make JV the next year, so he needs to hvae a plan anyway if he does tryout and doesn't make the team</p>
<p>this isn't a bad thing btw the not want to do something he has been doing intensly for what may seem like forever</p>
<p>with the travel team, did he have much time for other ECs?</p>
<p>I would just tell him that if he doesn't do soccer, he is not just gonna be a computer potato....</p>
<p>My one D played soccer for a year in HS, then stopped, she found things that were more interesting, sure she missed it, but what she found was just as wonderful, her friend played soccer for 3 years and was cut as a senior, it was really bad, but she played on outside teams that were much less time consuming, she wasn't going to be recruited, so why spend all her time on one activity, when she had so many interests</p>
<p>my youngest tried out for another sport, got cut freshman year, and was sad of course, and once in a while talks about soccer, but then she realizes all the things she was able to do, and gets over it</p>
<p>good luck...I hope he does go to some of the training sessions just to check it out, if not, life will be fine</p>
<p>I agree whole-heartedly with citygirlsmom. DO NOT force him to do anything, I did this with my youngest and there has been nothing but bad blood since. I strongly advise you to just let him not play, but also make sure he is getting excersise other ways. I am sure that you will regret making him do anything.</p>
<p>I think it's entirely possible that your younger son's changes in behavior have nothing to do with his brother going off to college. The timeframe of entering HS is one of transitions. There are lots of kids who decide to no longer pursue the sport they played as a kid once they start HS. Playing a sport in HS is somewhat different than playing it outside of a school team. It requires a certain time commitment, competetiveness amongst one's peers, etc. The kid might just be tired of it and ready to move on to something else. Maybe he'll try a different sport once in HS. He might even end up deciding to play soccer again once he starts HS and learns more about their program and finds that it's really other kids like him who comprise the team. If he doesn't try out as a Freshman he might try out the next year.</p>
<p>It's at this age when kids might start to be interested in other things such as might be exhibited by his web surfing. Remember that his friends are changing also although you might not be aware of it. </p>
<p>You might want to let things settle out before taking too much action. Once he actually starts HS and has HW, other friends, maybe other HS ECs, etc. his habits of how he spends his time will likely change.</p>
<p>As a freshmen, my son decided he wasn't going to play football anymore. He went to the first freshmen game and came home wanting to play really bad. He talked to the coach and they let him on the team. He got limited playing time for starting so late but played enough considering he joined late. He went on to keep playing the rest of his high school years. I don't know if this will work for your son, but if he doesn't go to tryouts and decides later that he misses it, maybe he can talk to the coach. They should understand that kids do change their minds. If he's been playing all along, any team can always use a talented athlete. And with the other son going off to college, the younger one is probably got some issues with it. It's hard and they don't always tell you what they're feeling. It will get easier as the year goes on and each time he comes home is different and before you know it everyone adapts pretty well. My son's relationship with his younger sister and brother got better. They all appreciate each other more.</p>
<p>I never regretted playing a competitive sport. I did regret quitting the basketball team in my freshman year of college. It is hard to get back into it after missing a year. Seems like your approach to ask him to give it a go is a good compromise. </p>
<p>Lots of changes going on already, seems like it would be good to keep the hobbies/sports activities constant.</p>
<p>My youngest daughter has been taking tennis lessons for a few years, going to camps, taking clinics, playing the occasional social match...Anyway, junior high tennis comes along and she says she doesn't want to try out. We couldn't believe it. We bribe her to try out, she did. What scared her was it's a competitive team and she didn't think she would make it. Turns out she did, and she had a blast. Next year she's automatically on the team again, as they don't make past players try out, so she's very excited to play again next year.</p>
<p>Just saying, maybe citygirl'smom is right, and he's afraid of being cut.</p>
<p>I don't agree with the keep activities constant remark. It doesn't make any sense to force him to go the the prep practices if he doesn't want to. That will only create more problems. High School is a time of changes and that includes changes of interests, hobbies, etc.</p>
<p>Did big brother play soccer? </p>
<p>I agree with those who feel you should not force the issue. If it turns out that he is not being productive with his time once he's in school, then you can deal with it. I'm sure there are plenty of opportunities for involvement at the high school - some he doesn't even know about yet.</p>
<p>Sports are great, but very time consuming. Have you asked him why he doesn't want to play next year?</p>
<p>I see now, in your post, that he's tired of it and needs a break. I'd take him at his word, and give him a break.</p>
<p>Soccer aside, you may as well be talking about our 14 y/o younger son, whose brother is also heading off to college, though ours will be entering 10th grade.</p>
<p>This was turning into a "lost summer" for him. He felt he was too old (maybe too cool?) for any kind of camp, and applied for a few jobs but was turned down due to age. He spent the first month or so looking at tv, picking arguments with his sisters, and, like your S, spending too much time on the computer. He seemed bored and resentful of his siblings who had things to do. H and I got fed up and said he had to do SOMETHING, so he is now volunteering at a community sr. center in town. He balked at first, but now goes in extra days without even being asked. They're fond of him, and there are a couple other students who volunteer, so at least it's something to do. I think boredom and being at an 'in-between' age were the culprits here. </p>
<p>I can't imagine why the sudden lack of interest in soccer. Are tryouts extremely competitive? I do agree with those who say freshman year is a good time to try new things. Could he catch up again next year if he changed his mind? One of our concerns with our S2 is that he has NO particular interests or hobbies, and never has. He did really enjoy his sport, but didn't make JV last year (we have no freshman teams) and was really crushed. It's not just the playing they miss - it's the social life and camaraderie as well. To his credit he went out for a different sport and made the best of it. Are there any other sports or activities your son seems interested in?</p>
<p>Thanks for all the posts! To answer some questions - yes, older bro did play soccer and was a stand-out. Younger says this isn't the issue (I'm not sure).
Yes - HS team is very competitive, but his travelling club team even more so, such that I think the HS team would be more "fun" and much less intense - esp. as a 9th grader on JV or frosh team. The HS coach knows younger quite well and is expecting him out.
Younger tells me "it just isn't fun anymore" and we can't get past that in terms of explanation. My feeling is that he is intimidated by the coach and tryouts - rep for very tough conditioning and hard nose attitude- and is afraid of being embarassed in front of peers.
What he doesn't understand, I think, is that the HS team tryouts at his age group is LESS competitive than his club and he won't be the odd one out.
He will make a team - if he tries - it just might be frosh team instead of JV</p>
<p>you can't go into this with the attitude that he will for sure make a team, because he just may not...if they have many players like him, often politics plays into it</p>
<p>and just because a coach knows him well and expects him, he may say that about 20 other players</p>
<p>if he knows you expect him to make a team, and he doesn't he disappoints you as well as himself</p>
<p>if he is trying out of course he needs a positive attitude, but the reality may be very different than what you see</p>
<p>as for competitive travel teams, some teams do alot of work, play hard, but in real soccer skills terms, they aren't necessarily as good as they think they are</p>
<p>my D played for a traveling team in 8th grade and knows many girls who were 'recruited" for "competitive" travel teams, and to be honest, the girls weren't great players and many did not make the school team</p>
<p>they were good players, but they weren't as good as they had been led to believe</p>
<p>and if brother played, i can bet you little bro is tired of following big bro's path and wants his own</p>
<p>I made sure when my Ds were growing up they did things of their own as well as some similar stuff</p>
<p>If little bro is not as "special" as big bro, it will be brought to his attention and expectations will be much higher</p>
<p>If he really wants to be on the team, but doesn't want to risk being cut, I'd really encourage him to try out. It's a hard but useful lesson that there is no shame in having to work for something. And no shame in trying your best and not getting it. So, the key question is, if this were a no cut sport would he join the team? If the answer is yes, he should try out.</p>
<p>If the answer is no, he's probably tired of soccer and it's time to pick up something else. Many kids here are turning to lacrosse, a sport that is growing in leaps and bounds. High school is also where tons of boys pick up tackle football. (Okay, I'd prefer my kids to play soccer, but thats just me.)</p>
<p>UCD - thanks for giving me "the question" - I think that's one he and I can talk about. You have hit the nail on the head for me.
If he is tired of the whole thing and wants a break - I can support that.
If he is not wanting to take a risk, then I'd like to stick to my guns and push him out of the car at camp!
We have a good relationship and he knows I'm asking him questions out of love. He is caring in his attitude, and we are tired of being in conflict over it. We are not a family used to much true conflict, so this is good for us in some way. But I don't want to live through a year of him regretting not giving it a try!
I think I am slowly coming to the realization that I can't MAKE him go - and that's a hard one for me.</p>