<p>Spoke to DH at midday today and what we’re going to do is just let things lie a little bit. Let DS finish out the season next week and take a breather. Then see how November goes. If he’s still sure about not doing soccer in the spring, he’s got our blessing to pursue other activities.</p>
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<p>I’ve never heard of activities lasting from the end of school until 9 or later every day, except for drama rehearsals, and those tend to have lots of down time. At any given time, only some members of the cast and crew are actively involved in the rehearsal. The others can do their homework. And drama rehearsals usually only last a few weeks, not the whole year.</p>
<p>Because my husband and I wanted our kids to take school seriously, we wouldn’t allow them to make commitments that would make it impossible to start homework until 9 p.m. or later on school nights on a regular basis. They got into college anyway. </p>
<p>At D’s school, most of the school athletic teams have daily practices. While I don’t think most of them are 3 hours long, they are an extra hour at the beginning or end of the school day. My friend’s daughter is a JV swimmer who has to show up at the pool at 5:30AM every morning during the season, which sounds even worse than afterschool practice to me! I’ve seen from my daughter’s friends, that a lot of students are forced to decide between sports and non-athletic school-based ECs because the conflicts get to be insurmountable.</p>
<p>Not sure what you mean. $1,400!, as in a lot of money? Or piddling and not worth bothering about the tax break? </p>
<p>Yeah, I know about how much it costs as we paid it for years, and high school seems especially egregious as you lose a whole season of play but no reduction in price, though they tried to make it up with extra indoor in winter. If you can’t recover the money and he isn’t going to play, it seems worth it to try to get something out of it at least. So you can think back on it as $1400 to support the aspirations of some deserving youngster and not as money flushed down the drain. At least you won’t have the dozens of Subway meals, gas costs, hotel bills, team funds for coach’s out of county costs, team jackets and kangaroo leather cleats… </p>
<p>He may jump into another high-end EC to take its place, so no worries about deciding how to spend that extra money. Push math team. That’s pretty cheap. But if he’s been exercising hard that many years, he may need something physical to take its place. My S quit the club soccer in 11th grade, but after an immobilized winter (surgery, cast, boot) he just couldn’t bear not having the organized team exercise, did HS tennis in the spring. Not sure what he’ll do this year. HS soccer just ended yesterday. He’ll work out at the Y, organize pick-up BB and soccer with friends, but it’s not enough. Maybe ultimate frisbee this spring?</p>
<p>As the Mom of a current college soccer player, I say let him make the choice and quit if he wants. If it is not enjoyable to him and is stressful, it is not worth it!! All 4 of my kids played soccer, but only the youngest had the passion for it to do soccer from 6-7 days per week. It was worth it for him because his goal for years has been to play college soccer. He was driven enough to carry a full load of AP classes and balance it all, but that is only because it loved every minute of playing. My other kids all started fizzling out before and during high school.My husband is passionate about soccer and even he did not consider them in any way to be quitters!!! They all gave it a good try and all decided there were other things that were more important to them. One of them also has anxiety issues and the stress she felt before soccer games was ridiculous and unhealthy; when she said she wanted to quit we said hooray!! All found other ways to spend their time but the activities were their choices, not ours!</p>
<p>If your son has already made it clear that it is too much for him to stay with soccer, it is time to quit. Chances are good he may not return for fall soccer either, and that is OK. It doesn’t sound like this is a passion of his that he can use as a hook for colleges, so let him find another activity that he is interested in instead. Colleges are more interested in a student who has an EC activity that really excites him than in one who is only doing a sport because he has to!!! And just think- you don’t have to spend Saturday mornings on the soccer field anymore!</p>
<p>“I have to believe this is a typo. Most after school activities in High school last a lot longer than 5:00 pm. Usually the kids aren’t home until 9:00…or later everyday and then they have to start doing their homework.”</p>
<p>Not in my world. There’s no way I would want a family life in which they missed dinner and weren’t home by 9 pm on a regular basis. </p>
<p>As long as he is getting regular daily exercise he should be allowed to choose another activity.
But some kids do stay involved with demanding ECs, and stay in their honors & AP courses.
Not just on CC.
My younger daughters club soccer team had weekly games with practice 2 or 3 times a week.( she played for ten years, but not in college regularly)
School sports had frequent practice, and as she and her middle school friends were going from a quite small K-12 school to a good sized comprehensive high school, I and the other parents encouraged them to join a school sports team as a way to get to know kids outside their classes. ( it’s a good way to meet students in other grades and social circles)
So in fall & spring she was on school sports teams( swimming & track) fall & winter, she played on rec league teams ( soccer & rugby)</p>
<p>They ( both daughters), also had their weekly community service job, which they continued through the summer.
(If he doesn’t already have a regular job, I would strongly suggest getting either a paid or unpaid job. It will make it much easier to find a job summers & in college)</p>
<p>Neither played video games, and their ECs were spent with their friends.
Ii helped them manage their time for homework to have structured ECs.</p>
<p>OP, I have been coaching soccer for 34 years now, mostly at the Club/Competitive level. If your child says I don’t want to play anymore, nothing you can do or say will change that. I have seen this countless times and every player ends up not playing any longer. If not now, then next year. You can’t force a child to be an athlete. Too many people are hooked on the soccer scholarship myth or the EC myth. Forcing a child to stay in a sport will only lead to problems on the academic side as the stress within them builds up. Approximately 50% of soccer players will drop out by the time they hit 9th grade. Every season after that sees dramatic attrition until you have very few players left and fewer teams can be formed. I currently coach a U18 team; mostly seniors. Only 2 players are left from the 18 on team that started at U11. The rest stopped playing or were injured to the point where they could no longer play. None of these players were quitters. They were just meant to take a different road.</p>
<p>One more thought: if your son does express some interest in soccer but just doesn’t like the demanding schedule of club soccer (my son had 2 hour practices 3-4 X a week plus 1-2 games per week, all of which required driving quite a distance), consider having him go back to AYSO or another community team that is just for fun. One of my daughters did that when she first quit club, and had a great time. It was purely fun, and she ended up being one of the best players out there since she had been playing at a higher level. No one seemed to care if they lost or won and it was relaxing for her. It got her through a couple more years before she quit completely.</p>
<p>I guess I’m a little surprised that there is even a discussion about this as it seems like it should just be his choice. </p>
<p>" And drama rehearsals usually only last a few weeks, not the whole year."</p>
<p>Two of the activities my kids have been in that last long after school are Marching Band and Drama. Trust me I question why the whole cast has to be there for the entire rehearsal but they do. At our school there really is no down time in drama. They hold auditions for the next play or musical before the current one is done…For example they aren’t done with the current play but they are holding auditions next week for the musical they are doing next…we actually have to sign a “contract” that states we understand the time commitment involved. So assuming your kid is in each play or musical it lasts the entire year. I also don’t understand why the Band rehearsals are so long , why they go to so many competitions or why they need to practice on Saturdays and sometimes Sundays…however that’s just the way it is. The only good thing is that because they have a number of plays/musicals each year kids who are in Marching Band can have the opportunity to participate in drama after band season.</p>
<p>Anyway if my kids didn’t enjoy an EC there would be no way I would make them continue. </p>
<p>There is no reason to be forced to participate in activities because they make sense for admission to some colleges. I cannot see how kid like this could be happy. But this is me. I do not support attending the place simply for the reason of prstige. If it is a dream school, then I can see it. The palce where you visited, talked to current students, check out campus, and absolutely fell in love with college. But if it is simply a palce where one wants to be because everybody would envy him, then it may end up in disaster anyway. </p>
<p>One of my kids retired early from their sport because he was not a social fit with the team. He was a focused student, a goody two-shoes type, and the dominant social group was the opposite of that. The coach did nothing to encourage good behavior. So my son hung up his cleats and never looked back. I completely supported that choice and I can’t imagine how one would even force the issue. In this case, there may be other underlying reasons, but give the kid credit for realizing the fun is gone and the stress is getting to him. </p>
<p>On an away game gameday, kid leaves school early to catch the bus missing (depending on the distance) one or two classes. Unless the parent is going to go to the away school to be the ride home, the kid often has to sit through F, JV and varsity games to catch the bus ride back to school. Easily 9 pm. For home games, coaches typically require kids to sit through all level games too. That’s many many hours. </p>
<p>Because of field and court limitations, many teams don’t practice at 3 pm. Maybe V practices 3-5, JV 5-7, F 7-9. That’s why most HS fields have lights. My kids varsity HS teams also always had practices on Sat morning or a Saturday game. Then there’s the off-season club team nightmare.</p>
<p>It is SOOOO much easier and cheaper for your kid to do debate or school newspaper type activities. An hour or two right after school. And not six days a week. </p>
<p>Unless you are going to be a recruited athlete, HS sports is about the biggest and (for college admissions) pointless time/money suck there is. For 99% of kids, the only ROI from playing HS sports is…that you get to play HS sports.</p>
<p>All my kids played two varsity HS sports fyi. It would have been easier and cheaper for me to indulge them instead in yacht racing or luxury European travel. </p>
<p>If your kid doesn’t like playing a HS sport, there is literally no reason to do it. Literally.</p>
<p>One more point:</p>
<p>A kid who really, really doesn’t want to do something can find a way to get out of it, but you might not like that way.</p>
<p>For a sport, two possibilities immediately come to mind: deliberately injuring yourself and deliberately breaking rules so that you will be kicked off the team. These don’t seem like good choices, but if parents refuse to allow the student to quit and the student very strongly wants to quit, they may be the only available choices.</p>
<p>When either of my kids grumble about an EC, my H will ask them very cheerfully: “Want to quit?”
If the kid answers right away with a big NO then we know their hearts are still in it.</p>
<p>Sounds like OP has resolved the issue to the family’s satisfaction so I’m just commenting to share my experience.</p>
<p>My son wanted to quit band somewhere around 7th grade. I didn’t let him - I told him he had to do one more year (at his school band is a class, with credit as an elective). He switched instruments, fell in love with the new one and wound up in college to study music, plays all the time now for fun and sometimes for money - yay. He wanted to quit swim team in 11th grade - I let him. He doesn’t swim competitively anymore but he became a fine ultimate frisbee player with an ad-hoc group at a local park.</p>
<p>My daughter played lots of sports as a kid, tried all the ones our local rec offered. Gradually they fell off and she began new ones in 7th grade. One she stopped this (her senior) year, the other is full steam ahead, she loves it. She juggles that (14 hours a week when only in practice mode, add 6+ when games are happening) with a tough academic schedule, she is very good at time management. She has a part time job this year too, but she likes to be busy.</p>
<p>I let the kids choose, for the most part, except the band thing…I just had a feeling what S wasn’t liking wasn’t music, it was a specific issue that he’d feel differently about if he gave it a chance. I wouldn’t have pushed it beyond the year I asked him to stick it out.</p>
<p>I guess I am saying that kids have to drive the process and choose what they do and do not do, though an occasional small push is OK.</p>
<p>I’ve forced my kids to try ECs. I figure it’s like veggies - how will you know you don’t like it if you don’t try it.
With my younger D, both of her ECs that she lives now were ones I forced her to try (karate & dance).
Otoh she consistently hated piano so she was allowed to quit that.</p>
<p>Your suggestion to let it lie for a while is a good one. HS sports, soccer or any other, are intense. The season is shorter than Club, but it goes 5-6 days per week instead of 3 (2 practices and a game for most Club teams). Many kids are a bit burned out by the end of the HS season. Is he getting playing time on the freshman team? Sometimes kids decide to quit if the rewards (playing time or friendship) or team quality do not match up with the amount of effort and time required. He will know more once the season ends and he comes home every day with not so much to do. </p>
<p>Does he really need to spend more time on school work, will he take up another time consuming activity, or will he get bored? My kids sometimes seemed to do better in school when they had a time consuming activity that forced them to avoid wasting time due to limited study time. But, of course, down time is needed. </p>
<p>One of my kids plays HS soccer and plays on a reasonably competitive Club team (no overlap). Even though he thinks playing for his HS is great, the intensity is tough. He prefers the Club schedule of a couple of practices per week and 1 or occasionally 2 games in a weekend. The Club team does not travel more than an hour or so for a game except for tournaments. He has been on the team for a long time and loves it. For HS, he starts school at 7:30 and gets home between 5 and 6 for practice, but sometimes not until 7:30 on game days. </p>
<p>My middle son played freshman HS soccer, then quit and turned to another equally time consuming EC - theater. His schedule for rehearsals was similar to the soccer schedule, with occasional days off and a week of very long days right before and during the show. He continued to play soccer on a recreational level team. Very low key, with limited practices and one game most weekends. It was competitive enough for him and he got to be active and have fun. He was not happy with the more competitive level of the HS or higher level Club teams. </p>
<p>As someone said above, kids also sometimes quit because of the teammates - it can be the level of partying but lots of other possibilities. Certainly, could be part of the discussion as to why he wants to quit. </p>
<p>Sounds like he is a reasonably good soccer player. Hopefully, he can find a way to continue to enjoy the game without it being stressful. I hate to see a kid give up an activity to do ever more studying, especially if that feeds his anxiety. If he really doesn’t want to play any more, then I would offer the options of lower key soccer scenarios and then allow him to quit as long as he has another EC. </p>
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<p>Who said? We know more than a handful of recent Ivy matriculates who did NOT participate year round in an EC. And they absolutely did not participate year round in a sports EC. One of these kids devoted his time to community service (guess that is an EC). One did ONE sport a year and that was it…and that was because his parents insisted. He matriculated to MIT with no issues. </p>
<p>If this kid doesn’t want to play soccer in the spring, it is NOT going to doom him in any way when college application time comes along. He will need to demonstrate that he is doing something worthwhile besides just studying…but really one sport season a year is enough. One school play a year would be enough. </p>
<p>Marian: I think your comment is a bit much. The parents in this case are open to the kid quitting, just want him to be sure. A kid can also not go to the sign-up meeting or just stop going to practice - a much more benign but very effective way to leave a team. A parent can’t force a kid to play. Not saying that never happens, but I would think the family has some pretty significant problems if a parent can’t accept a kid wanting to quit. </p>
<p>Northwesty: Our kids only have to leave school early for State games, which amount to maybe once a season. More school hours are missed for Model UN than for soccer. Some teams do practice later, but that means homework can get done from end of school until start of practice - just like for non-school sport practices. So still not accurate to say that the kids are busy with their sport from 3 until 9 every day The varsity and JV soccer teams share a bus and their games are at the same time. Nobody has to wait very long for another team (unless one game goes longer, but not to sit through an entire game). </p>
<p>At our school, the newspaper is a huge time commitment, especially for the editors. And it lasts the entire school year not just a season. It is too bad you hated the sports experience so much if your kids played. Sport, even for non-recruited athletes, can be as good an EC as many others since colleges know how much time and energy is required to play a varsity sport. </p>
<p>That being said, no kid should be forced to play a sport they don’t want to play. </p>