A desperate plea from an insecure, freaked-out student

<p>Cinser:
The first thing you must do is stay off college confidential. That will greatly reduce your stress. And seek guidance from your parents.</p>

<p>You are in a "classic no lose situation" and don't know it. Next fall the worst thing that will happen is you will head to the farm. If that is bad that's a you problem. </p>

<p>So let's talk about your you problem and not over think it. "I didn't work this hard to freeze my blank off on the winter." The best breakup line ever uttered by the bear right before we mailed the deposit to a top Sountern LAC. Ask yourself this question "will I look like a dazed survivor of some lifelong bewildering bootcamp if I showup on Harvard's campus?" From "The Chosen" a quote by a Harvard Dean of Admission. If you suspect the answer is yes go someplace else.</p>

<p>My last bit of advice is choose a college based on what you can learn there. One of my daughter's high school teammates is having a great time at Columbia. The bear is greatly expanding her world by crossing the country to attend college in another region.</p>

<p>Cinser: I don't think there is anything mentally wrong with you at all. You feel the way you feel and it makes perfect sense to me. People are always so quick to say you should seek professional help. You'll be uncomfortable for awhile, and then it will pass.</p>

<p>Sunshine can help moods -- so Stanford could be WAYYY healthier for you. Max Ehrmann's Desirata tells us not to compare ourselves with others because it makes us "vain or bitter." He also advises us "be gentle with yourself" and "You are a child of the universe. You have a right to be here."</p>

<p>I'm hoping you will get some help -- because whichever campus ends up being yours will be crawling with folks that can give you comparison anxieties. One of the weirdest, most miserable women that I ever knew was a Juillard/ Harvard alum. She spent so much of her life striving that 1) she didn't know how to make friends; 2) she didn't know what to do without school year structure; and 3) she didn't know how to be alone with herself and be content.<br>
I'm with the poster who told you to knock off time here on CC. Look around for some LIFE contacts and reading. Try this Bible verse in your head: I cried because I had no shoes until I saw a man who had no feet.
When you have a child struggling to understand (or lift her head from the mattress) or when you cling to a dying friend's hand, you will look back on this current well of despair and wonder "WHAT WAS I THINKING???". Your despair and worry is real -- but some perspective and fresh air can shrink it . . . Good luck!</p>

<p>Cisner,</p>

<p>you need help. Your problem goes much deeper than Harvard, or even the whole admission process. I don't believe this problem simply started with the college stuff. I think the root of it goes way deep and way back. </p>

<p>Unless you get to the root of this, no matter where you go, you will not be happy or successful. There will always be those who are truly exceptional in one thing or the other, and you will forever feel small in comparison with them, and your mental energy will be mostly consumed by this, rather than productively channeled to achieve your goals. </p>

<p>You seem to lack an internally anchored sense of self worth. You are constantly seeking completely external validation - how you appear to others. No amount of external validation will fill the black hole left by the absence of internally generated sense of self worth and direction. Furthermore, obsession with getting external validation may get in the way of making a right decision, often with a disastrous outcome - a college friend of mine married someone because that person had the "right profile" approved within his rather snobbish circle - it turned out to be a very unhappy marriage.</p>

<p>You need to seek help, not just to get through next 7 weeks, not just get through the college period, but to succeed in life and, most importantly, BE HAPPY with who you are.</p>

<p>Truthfully, I don't think school counselor will do the job. This is much more than what they can handle. You need a real professional help.</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

<p>Thank you for the additional comments. I'll spend less time lurking. I'm hoping to meet with the school counselor by Wednesday, at least for some guidance. </p>

<p>Also, hyeonjlee kind of hit the nail on the head. I don't really have the same internal validation mechanism that I think I should. I should be having fun this semester, but there's just no spark at all. Even with many incredible accomplishments thus far (if I do say so myself).</p>

<p>Anyway, I will let you know what happens.</p>

<p>Cinser you should have fun every semester. At the very least your troop should do something fun every month my son's did. On that point he had a great deal of fun and learned internal validation during his time in scouts. Maybe go back and be an assistant scoutmaster? Teaching others is a surprisingly good way to learn it. As for scouting being an Eagle Scout is one of the ultimate tie breakers in life. You won't know how good a scout they thought were until you graduate from college anyway.</p>

<p>Hello. Update: I met with the school counselor, who is a licensed pschologist (not just a general counselor). Essentially, I'm going to try to reduce general stress level, as my thoughts turned to college (the primary "hidden" source of stress in my life) when I have lots of other stress. So, more exercise, sleep, good food, and positive outlook, among other various stress relievers. Also, a conscious effort to turn away thoughts about college, which should become easier with time. Finally, more self-validation and judgment on my strengths and weaknesses.</p>

<p>It won't be easy at first, but I think that this has been largely resolved. I really think it was just the incredibly elevated stress level (as did she) that comes with my huge increase in EC involvement and classes, plus college. Thanks. </p>

<p>Oh, and more trust in God. ;)</p>