<p>Wanting to clarify that I am NOT suggesting the OP be “parental” or “spousal” in any way. (Weird twist of my words.) I DO think, since the OP’s family and mine are in the same boat and I can speak from my experience going through it, that having both of my kids (the one in HS and the one in college from long-distance) step up and look out for each other more than they did in the past and take on a few more responsibilities has been very empowering for them and they have both grown in so many ways because of it. The scenario is really working well for us…we are all pitching in and talking to each other through the process. My husband and I are very much the parents and only spouses in the picture, but our young-adult children, while making us very proud, are also learning a lot about their own capabilities and maturity. A good thing - for all.</p>
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<p>The OP is suggesting that he/she set up a SEPARATE place to live…not with either parent. This doesn’t sound like what is referenced in this quote. In the quote, the MOM moved with the sister.</p>
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<p>I agree that the situations aren’t exactly analogous. My mom would certainly never have let any of us live on our own at 17! (My dad probably would have.) I wasn’t suggesting the apartment idea was similar to my family’s situation, but rather responding to the comment that it was unbelievable that the OP’s mother is currently staying where she is solely for the OP’s educational benefit (so OP can finish senior year at his current school.) I find it completely plausible that that is exactly why OP’s mom didn’t move when OP’s dad did. That is the part that echoes my own family’s experience.</p>
<p>(Rereading my previous post, I can see how it might sound like I was refering to OP’s overall “apartment plan”, but that wasn’t my intent.)</p>
<p>“I find it completely plausible that that is exactly why OP’s mom didn’t move when OP’s dad did. That is the part that echoes my own family’s experience.”</p>
<p>It’s possible, but given how tight the OP is indicating their financial situation is, I’ll be surprised if that’s why the rest of the family didn’t join the dad when he had to move to get work.</p>
<p>From the opening post:</p>
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<p>He has made it pretty clear that the reason his mom, sister, and he didn’t move is because of his education.</p>
<p>Maybe there is something the OP doesn’t know about this parents’ relationship. Honestly, I don’t get why these people can’t cope without their dad in the house; there are plenty of single parent homes that function, so I just don’t get the issues here, and think there is more here than meets the eye of the OP.</p>
<p>When there is a job loss and subsequent relocation…family dynamics can change. I think perhaps that is what the OP is experiencing. This family sounds like they didn’t really anticipate being separated as a unit. Some families run a lot more smoothly when both parents are there than when they are not. I know that when my husband traveled on business, it was always more difficult for me and my two kids to do all of the things we needed to do. <em>I</em> didn’t have the extra adult support and the kids didn’t have a buffer. I can only imagine that it is more difficult with a very lengthy (and expensive due to extra housing costs) separation. Ours was very temporary and didn’t cost us any extra money.</p>
<p>I’m hoping the OP can understand these dynamics…and realize that the “grass may not be greener” living alone.</p>
<p>Alright, lots of things to say. First off, I really do thank you guys. I started a thread hoping some people would help me out. I ended up with a 3 page (and growing) thread filled with really amazing advice. Thanks all.</p>
<p>Ok, clarifying my situtation:</p>
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<p>Ok, I think I made myself and my family come across as rather poor in this thread. So heres the financial situation (i’m going to fudge some things to protect my privacy, but it gives a good picture): My family makes…lets say…75k a year. So it isn’t like I can’t afford to go to a doctor or get cool stuff like iPods and hard drives and stuff. If I feel that I need to go to a therapist/whatever, I can and will.</p>
<p>As far as the finances of college, my family has that figured out pretty well. But let me explain a couple other things first:</p>
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<p>Its exactly why. My parents make sure that I know that its their decision; not mine though. But lets hypothetically say I was in college or something, they would have moved by now. The finances would be much better. Oh, and by the way, I guarantee there aren’t other compounding factors.</p>
<p>So the plan for college: my family will move and the finances will free up enough (maintaining two households is hard on finances) where my family can afford to pay my EFC (no loans or anything.) Well, thats their current plan, but I’m going to pay for my college anyways. I’m prolly going to go to a college where I can graduate in three years (I will have A LOT of AP Credit to fulfill my gen eds). And with my EFC, I figure I can make it out of college and into a law school (or job if necessary), with like 20-25k in debt+work and all that. And I did think about graduating HS 1 year early. But it would get complex; my HS wouldnt be receptive so I would need a college that doesn’t require a diploma. Further, I have a lot going for me at HS (be it my friends or the stuff I’m involved in) and think I want to finish my four years even if my classes aren’t very challenging.</p>
<p>So now I owe it to you guys to let you know what I’m planning to do:</p>
<p>I kinda realized that my “apartment plan” isn’t going to work thanks to you guys. And it’s way too extreme for my current situation. So, I’m going to start looking at the positive things of life and am getting more involved with my sister. If I do start to feel clinically depressed, I will talk it over with my mom and go to a therapist or something. But I don’t like therapists and the like anyways; I’m kinda private like that as you guys can see. Other than that, yeah, I’m going to live life. Oh and some good news: me, mom, and my sister will be spending not only Christmas vacation w/ Dad but also the entire summer. (Win!) And since he’s in a city, I’m going to have the opportunity to go out and do stuff (either political campaigning or maybe something at a Red Cross or something). By the way, if anyone here is wondering why I don’t already a) I don’t have a license and won’t for like another lets say five months and b) I am really in the middle-of-nowhere. It’s like a 30 minute drive to a small city that actually has buildings taller than five stories lol. So it’ll be fun to live in the city over summer.</p>
<p>And once again, thanks guys. You guys are unbelievably helpful.</p>
<p>EDIT:
Oh for the person that asked for what my academic stats looked like (I’m doing ranges though on purpose):
SAT-2330-2370, ACT:33-34, GPA:4.0, Class rank:1-2, and I’m involved in a lot of ECs at my school w/ leadership and everything.</p>
<p>EDIT2:</p>
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<p>Yeah, it took me a while but I did realize that. I’m kinda glad my mom just blew that one off though. I mean I can’t tell if it would be better or not for sure, but you guys are right in that a) running away from problems doesn’t work and b) it would be risky and might get more depressed than I am now.</p>
<p>Thanks for taking the time to make the thoughtful update and to express appreciation for the support you’ve received here. You sound like an insightful, hardworking person, and I wish you the best.</p>