So I’m, as I’m sure you’ve guessed, a sophomore in college. I’m having a really tough time. My college is only a couple hours away from home, but I’m still feeling the loss. The first year was a bit easier because I had my girlfriend and I kind of threw myself into my schoolwork. My girlfriend and I got an apartment over the summer because my school didn’t have room for me on campus housing. The longer I stay in this city, I find that I really don’t like it. I don’t like the apartment, or the city, or the school, or my classes. I just want to go home and be with my mom. We’re really, extremely close and the longer I stay away, the worse it gets. Usually I’m able to turn off my brain and just do what I’m supposed to, but I’ve been home for about a month now for Christmas break and I really can’t stand the thought of leaving. I would love to stay home and just get an online degree but I know that I should probably continue to force myself to grow up. But it tears me up to think about it, and I just feel…stuck. I don’t know what to do or how to help myself. The college I’m attending is the closest one to my home; I really don’t have any other option. Unless there’s something I’m just not thinking of.
Have you talked to your mom about it? I am reading between lines, but thinking you are maybe from a rural area (if two hours is your closest college). Does this have anything to do with the girlfriend? Did that end recently and you are now by yourself in the apartment/city? Did you miss making connections when you got to the college cause you were with/relying on your girlfriend? Some will suggest you find some clubs to join, sometimes that is easier said that done, but certainly worth looking into. You have to find things that interest you and have to put yourself out there somehow. At your age there are certainly new things to try, even if it is just going to a gym to work out or sign up for a class/activity there.
But mainly, there are always options. College isn’t a prison sentence, but it doesn’t seem sensible to walk away at this point however. It seems you should really get through this next semester (since the investment is already made) and see how it goes. Use this time to explore options, and yes - grow up a bit - but don’t feel trapped, it’s a transition period for you to decide if you want to stay on this specific path. Sometimes magical things happen when you aren’t looking for them. And if at the end of this semester you feel you truly aren’t happy, come up with a new plan.
A friend of mine has twin boys and they have always known the minute they graduate, they are out of their college town and back to where they are from. They are just putting in the time, and many students feel that way. Just don’t let these feelings head down an unhealthy path for you, and if you need to talk to a counselor when back at school, please do, they are great people with giant hearts, there to help students like you in this big transition time of life. Good luck!
First, get an appointment at your campus counseling center as soon as you can. These are the types of situations that the counselors in these centers are best trained to deal with, and they do this everyday. This is one place you can sort out your feelings.
Secondly, make sure to keep up your studies and grades while you try to figure things out. This will help you to keep the most options open.
Lastly, you can talk to your mother about your feelings. You can also go home to visit on a regular basis, say once per month, since you go to school so close to home.
As you have not started the semester, talk with your mom about the possibility of staying home and going to college locally. You have not paid tuition yet right-or you will get it back. See if you can sublet the apartment. There is no point in being miserable. I don’t think it is necessarily better to be good at cutting ties and moving to distant places alone. I know it is a US thing but I am not a big fan.
–Agree with going to counseling center when you return to school. In the meantime talk to your mom.
–I would also set up a regular visit schedule you can look forward to (maybe go home every other weekend) and a Skype session on the alternate weekend.
–Throwing yourself into schoolwork is a good thing to do when you are in college. Remember your long-term goals.
Definitely use your college counseling center.
Remind yourself that going home is not an option.
As above, keep your grades up.
You have some issues that need resolving. Reaching out to us is the first step of many you will be taking. You know there is a problem, you are seeking ways to solve it. The counseling center will help you identify components and breaking it down into several parts should make it easier to work on. Do not try to go it alone or with your mom because your relationship with her is part of your situation. In fact, figuring out how to live without your mom in your life may be the key to enjoying most of the other things.
Good you are addressing this. I have a cousin who never left his mother- lived at home for college and grad work. Never had a “real” job (had SS benefits accrued since his father died when he was four). Never became an independent adult. Stifled. You need to avoid this for a better life in the decades to come.
Besides the counseling center here are some things to do (aside from keeping up on the academics). Make lists. List the reasons you think you want to return home. A list of your mother’s good points. What she does for you. Then- her bad points. Come up with different topics for lists. Things you can do away from home. Things you do/do not like about yourself, your mother, school, cities…
Once you have exhausted yourself with minutiae in those lists go over them. Look for common themes. Make a list of the ideal circumstances. Of how you want to be in ten years.
After too much time spent on this you should have many puzzle pieces. It may be hard but with the help of counselors you can put pieces together to form your future. Hint- it won’t be hiding at home with your mommy.