<p>Don't allow your friend to be an "emotional vampire." When you look back on your college experience (and these first few weeks may help set the tone for the next four years), do you want to say, "I'm really glad I didn't abandon my friend, even if it meant not having a life at all," or, "I tried to be a good friend, but ultimately, why is her happiness more important than mine, especially if she won't try?"</p>
<p>hello =)
okay so im not reading the kajillion posts above me so I'll probably repeating some of the same stuff.</p>
<p>First of all, Im not in college yet (only one more yr =D), but I went to a summer camp at a uni with my best friend since i was 4 and we didnt get put in a room together and were really upset. We were put on different floors and everything but as soon as I met my roommate, I was happy, because it gave me a chance to make new friends with the people in my dorm, AND her dorm. I do think though, that she did kind of hold me back, because her roommate was rude and horrible, so she always clung to me, so I clung back, thus not making as many friends as I know I would have without her there (but i still love her haha)! </p>
<p>Point of my story is:
You shouldn't have roomed with your bff (haha okay, kinda bad advice, i know). Every bad roommate story I've read said it was because they were bffs before haha...the point of college is to spread your wings alone, so it's kinda hard to do that if your wings are glued together, right? My friends and I are applying now, and none of us are applying to the same uni, or same country even, and yes it's hard to be alone, but better in the long run.</p>
<p>I would definitely talk to your RA, see what she says...I wouldn't change rooms, because you would lose your bff for sure, and I doubt that's what you want to do. Also, if you know her hobbies, like writing in the newspaper or something, you should go with her, get her involved with something where she can make some good friends, and then she will (hopefully) not cling to you anymore. Then AGAIN, im still in highschool, so what do i know, right?)</p>
<p>Good luck with your problem!</p>
<p>This is a life-lesson. Living with someone is not the same as hanging out with someone. This is not an uncommon story at all. Unfortunately, sounds like you should switch at the earliest opportunity, until then you need to continue to experience college life in the fullest.</p>
<p>A close friend of mine is applying to most of the same colleges as I am, and we agreed that if we went to school together, we would not be roommates. That way, we can't get on eachother's nerves and we can meet new people.</p>
<p>Just because your roomate is diff. from you in what her idea of fun is doesn't mean you have to grow apart from her OR let her drag you down. Go out, party with your friends, have fun, but when you come home to your dorm, talk to her one on one and show her you care about her and still love her as a BFF. Let her do her thing and you do yours, but when you're with her give her the one on one she needs. If you like her, I mean.
Maybe she feels bad beccause you seem more secure and happy then her, maybe she needs to be introduced to more cool people - not in huge groups but with you, her and one other friend. Then maybe give her and your other friend some time alone to get to know each other, since it sounds like she's a one on one person.
Talk to her. Instead of critixizing her ways, reassure her that even though you're more extroverted then her and have different needs as far as going out and doing fast paced stuff, you still love her and want to be there for her as much as you possibly can.</p>
<p>i totally agree with Nick017,u probably shouldnt be crying with her,lol dats funny.u should be strong enough coz u are the only one who can help her in this situation.force her to do something,put on da light,play music aloud,dance nd make crazy moves,dat will make her laugh,and she will probably join u too lol And when u see she's gettin the exercise,take her out around the campus and introduce her to friends and rell jokes ,dats it,dont let her pull u down.and dont ever feel weak or tired of her. Do something AND DONT CRY! lol</p>
<p>Yeah, so yesterday she was on the computer (she finally came back) and she came to CC and read my post (doesn't help that it was featured lol) and started crying again. She said it's because she agreed with everything that was said. I didn't cry with her (i only did the first time because i was so frustrated) but this time I told her that if she doesn't feel comfortable then that's what she should go by and i'm fine with whatever she wants to do. I didn't force her to do anything...I just listened and let her get her feelings out. i also went out last night and asked if she wanted to go but she didn't want to so I just went. When I came back though she had went to this comedy show they were having on campus with some people in our dorm so i was happy about that. And today me her and some other kids went to lunch. She still is unsure but I mean, we all are! I'm just glad that she's finally doing stuff and making a slight effort. Thanks for all the advice guys and sharing your experiences!</p>
<p>Yea that good news to hear,you welcome,anytime!!</p>
<p>
[quote]
Yes, I signed up to be her roommate because I felt sorry for her and I knew she wouldn't survive because she was utterly terrified at the thought of living with anyone else.
[/quote]
Many of the lessons we learn in college are outside of the classroom, sometimes the most important ones. You've had an object lesson in what happens when you let yourself be guilted into something, when you try to "save" someone. There are people who spend a whole lifetime choosing friends and spouses who are needy and need fixing. I hope you take away something from this whole experience.</p>
<p>BTW it's not too surprising that your friend actually got off her duff and did something. You were enabling her passivity and negativism; this isn't to say it isn't her basic personality, but you sitting around with her just made it so easy to keep on rolling.</p>
<p>This is an awful lot to bite off at once, especially when you're making a big transition yourself. I suggest you talk with a counselor at your school to learn some ways to handle the situation and steel yourself against what are certain to be incessant demands on your time and sympathy.</p>
<p>.. and this is why you dont room with your best friend.</p>
<p>I did room with my best friend in college...we got along famously...BUT, it wasn't what I would've chosen to do. She followed me there after we had attended a community college. I finished a semester before she did. The college was far away and it made sense to live together off campus. She thought it was great. I know that living with someone you already know, or in my honest opinion, attending the same school as your best friend, does not give you the same kind of opportunity to grow as an individual. Just like in a marriage, there are some roles that get played in female friendships...maybe you are the outgoing one...but, just maybe, she would be more outgoing if you weren't there. That is why, I don't think that it is good. Just my two cents..</p>
<p>I'm glad things are picking up for her. It might be two steps forward and one back, but that's how progress is sometimes. Don't get discouraged. It's getting better already.</p>
<p>I'm not sure I'd generalize that it's never good to room with a bff, or that it was a mistake to sign up that way from the get-go. Some people have reported positive experiences with it, too. I knew of two girls who were both from a small town and a bit scared to jet off to a new life in big-time Atlanta, Ga. They agreed to room together as freshmen while they each gained confidence. One was more outgoing than the other, but at least they understood each others' moves.</p>
<p>Something good these other 2 girls did, before leaving home as h.s. seniors, was agree to room together only for the first year, no matter how it went. That forced them both to find new friends during freshman year, so they'd have others to choose as sophomores. It kept it from being sticky in the Spring, too.</p>
<p>To me, it sounds like your response to her when she discovered these correspondences on CC showed yourself a true friend who'd be there in her very worst storms, but just not every evening. She processed the feedback and is starting to get out there a bit more to find her own path. The year is still VERY new. There's plenty to explore for each of you.</p>
<p>Good luck to you both! and Good Luck to you each!</p>
<p>Thanks Everyone! :d</p>
<p>"Okay, so my roommate is my best friend from high school."</p>
<p>There's your problem.</p>
<p>^ major props to that poster. that was a total WURD moment.</p>