<p>I had a male friend, but I didn't want to be his friend any more. So I told him that I wouldn't go out with him and keep in touch with him. After several days, my best freind told me that the boy still wanted to talk to me and wnated to explain he viewed me as his younger sister, not as a lover or anything. But I didn't want to meet him. Even in the campus, the places he might show up I always went by a roundabout route. Yesterday, a friend told me that the boy had told this affair to our friends in our church and told them that he really wanted to meet me again. Thus, those friends wanted me to meet him somewhere to make an end of our misunderstanding. I thought the friendship between heand me had ended, so I really don't want to meet him. But I am afraid of making this affair become worse and worse; and all of our friends will know what happened between us. What can I do? Should I meet him? What can I do to make he realize that I don't care about the things before when we still were friends, and I really don't want to be his friend?</p>
<p>Unless there’s something major you haven’t told us, such as that you owe him money, that would give him a right to still be bugging you, don’t back down. If you do owe him money or something, take care of your obligations and then be done with him.</p>
<p>The only thing that is going to make him realize that you don’t want contact is no contact. If you talk with him to tell him you don’t want to talk with him, you’re still talking to him and he’s still getting what he wants – and as long as behaving this way gets him what he wants, he’ll continue to behave this way. So, since you’ve already told him you don’t want to continue the relationship, don’t keep “explaining” it, because the act of explaining itself undermines the message; the problem isn’t that he doesn’t “realize” what you want, but that he doesn’t <em>care</em> what you want.</p>
<p>Tell your friends that there is no misunderstanding: this guy is just refusing to respect your wishes to be done with the relationship, and you don’t want to encourage him to think you can be bullied into doing what he wants. <em>They</em> may not understand, but just because <em>they</em> would be reasonable and respect someone’s wish not to have a relationship with them doesn’t mean <em>he</em> will. Make your peace with the possibility that he will tell everybody the two of you know about whatever happened between you, because if he decides to do it there’s nothing you can do to stop him. (In fact, you may want to tell them yourself, because then he wouldn’t have the power to hurt/embarrass you by telling them. If you’ve made a mistake, your friends will probably understand. If you haven’t made a mistake but you just don’t want them knowing all your personal stuff, it may be worth it to tell them <em>in this case</em>.) You’ll be better off with everybody knowing what happened than you’d be with everybody knowing what happened AND him in your life.</p>
<p>Even though you aren’t responding to him in any way that he is aware of him, keep a record of his attempts to contact you. If this keeps up, go to the campus police (and also to your local police station if you live off campus) and ask them what line he has to cross, and what documentation you will need of his line-crossing, in order for them to help you. The odds are low that he will be more than an annoyance. He’s likely to give up on you and go bother someone else who will react to him. But it can’t hurt to be prepared and it can hurt to be unprepared.</p>
<p>And check out Gavin de Becker’s book “The Gift of Fear”. It’s available as a mass market paperback for about $8 new, and you can probably find it cheaper used. It may also be available in your library. He describes what works with people who are intent on continued contact with someone who wants to be done with them. (You may want to ask your friends from church to read the relevant sections too.)</p>
<p>^Yes and no.</p>
<p>Depending on how many times you told him, there could still be some kind of misunderstanding.</p>
<p>A lot of times people say “I don’t want to be your friend anymore!” in anger/because they are dramatic/etc. but they really don’t mean it 
Perhaps this boy has had some experience with dramatic friends and is just not grasping the fact that you are serious. Esp. if you had some kind of relationship and strung him along for a bit before deciding to be firm with him, he may be confused about the finality of your statement. </p>
<p>I would tell him one last time that you are not interesting in being his friend in any way or contacting him ever again, IF you think there is some way he might have taken what you said in the wrong way. I also think you should tell your friends that you have repeatedly told this guy you don’t want contact with him and his behavior is disturbing you. Tell your friends that if they are really your friends, they need to stand up for you and keep this guy away. Ex. when he asks about you/tries to talk about you, have them cut him off and say “She’s done with you, please accept that.” Etc. Seems like your friends are giving him hope by saying they will try to talk to you/etc. Firmness and consistency is key.</p>
<p>Of course, if you told him like, 8 times, then this guy is plain wacko and you need to ignore the hell out of him. But a lot of what your next course of action should be depends on how crazy he is. Sometimse even normal people “Don’t get the hint” and you have to repeat your message a couple times. Ignoring a mentally stable/normal-acting person who isn’t getting the hint - at FIRST - is probably not the best course of action. Of course if he starts to border on stalkerish, then that is a different situation, but he may also just be confused.</p>
<p>I agree completely with the above post.</p>
<p>I think a restraining order would work well for your purposes.</p>
<p>Or some sort of restraining, muzzle perhaps?</p>
<p>A bit perhaps?</p>
<p>tell him youre a lesbian</p>
<p>He might like that.</p>
<p>Sounds like a wanker. Just ignore him. Be wary of weirdos who say they view you like a “younger sister” in attempt to stay in a relationship. It is a red flag. If he persists with bothering your friends or trying to contact you, contact your police office.</p>
<p>Well, my best friend and I don’t want to talk to him. So we haven’t answered his phone call. He tells our friends that he is going to Europe in recent days, and thus, he wants to talk to me to explain his feeling and clarify the misunderstanding face to face.
Uh…he once said he liked boys and felt some boys were very handsome, but that was joke. If I tell him that I am a lesbian, it may possible not to have the assorted effect. </p>
<p>I think he just like a child, even though he is older than I. He wants to attract my attention, to tell him what he wants to listen, do anything what he wants me to do. Well, I hope you can understand what I mean.</p>
<p>I think I get what you mean. I have this 29-year-old guy who works for me that is very socially awkward and has the social maturity of a middle-schooler. Very frustrating sometimes. It is weird because he is otherwise very smart. Just totally consumed by petty jealousies and has childish way of resolving situations.</p>
<p>Well, the problem is he wants to meet me, but I don’t want to see him.
Whoever knows his behavior always tells me that he is an odd person and he is engaging in ambiguous. Thus, I want to end of the relationship between he and I.</p>