<p>I completely agree with Blossom. I would make this student’s list weighted towards schools within a three hour max drive from home. Sure, put in one east coast school…but pick one that is EASY to get to by plane (my opinion…Vassar is a great school but NOT easily accessible by plane). If you NEED to get there, you want to be ABLE to get there! If you need to get her home, you do NOT want to have to hassle with travel arrangements!</p>
<p>Fightingirish…please consider what blossom and others have suggested. You started a thread here in April about a very significant issue. And at that time you said “I thought she was doing well”. She wasn’t. </p>
<p>As I said upstream, you want to make sure that any college she chooses has excellent student support services…you can look off campus too, and make sure your insurance covers them. </p>
<p>I’m not sure a school 3000 miles away is a good choice.</p>
<p>I am so glad to hear that your daughter is in a better place now.</p>
<p>After reading some of the concerns that other posters have mentioned, I think that your daughter would benefit greatly from a gap year. Once she has her acceptance in hand, it would be a gift for her to have a solid year where she can decompress and come to terms with all the difficulties that she has faced the past couple of years. During this time she could continue with therapy, establish positive exercise/eating habits, enjoy playing her instrument – basically, activities that could help her get back on solid ground before facing what could potentially be a stressful college environment.</p>
<p>Best wishes to you both.</p>
<p>I was glad to see Vassar mentioned - it is all that honeybee says it is. We love it - great music , great academics and a collaborative atmosphere!</p>
<p>That said, a college within 3-4 hours from home is probably best for your daughter and actually best for you as well. She probably will not come home much but maybe you would want to take a drive out and take her to lunch for a couple hours. And better yet, you could attend her music concerts. We make attending our son’s musical performance a family event with the whole family driving out to hear their concerts. The drive is under 3hours and so that works out great for us. We get to share in and support their musical experience. So maybe consider it from that perspective - hope this helps!</p>
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<p>FID, this is from your thread in April. I take back what I said about nice midwestern colleges. There is NO WAY I would let my child go farther than an hour or two’s drive from home under these circumstances. Another issue with any college outside California is weather. A kid who has grown up in northern CA and struggles with SERIOUS depression, moving thousands of miles away to a place that is cold and dark and snowy for months on end? No way. Also, to state the obvious, there is a solution to her threat: the only way to prevent her from harming herself if she doesn’t get into a prestigious school is to not let her apply to any in the first place. Rejection is literally her “third rail.” If she were my daughter I wouldn’t let her go near it.</p>
<p>Me and D had a long talk yesterday and sort of finalized the colleges. We looked at a lot of privates in CA, and just didn’t really think she’d fit at most of them. Got rid of NYU and added Vassar - she’s become very interested in it as well. My main concern is, of course, that a chunk of these schools is on the East Coast…but I suppose we can cross those bridges if she actually gets in.
I do like the idea of a gap year after she gets accepted. I think she could benefit profusely from just a break to get back into healthy habits, sleep in (!), maybe get a job or an internship, and just really recover.
All the schools, besides Vassar and Barnard, are less than an hour drive from very close family and friends. Our school actually got rid of ranks this year, so there is that.
I know things were a certain way last spring, and I acknowledge that. If she gets into a good school instate, she’s going, no question. However, while she isn’t completely better or free of risk for falling back into that place, I think her mindset has changed at least a bit - visiting the schools was good, and the “tell her friends she got into some major reach school, but she’s turning it down for a scholarship elsewhere” has relieved some of that peer stress, so she’s more concerned in choosing somewhere right for her that’s a plausible option. We got a great info packet from U of Oregon the other day, and I can tell she’d be thrilled to go there.
At the risk of sounding preachy, over the summer she became more involved in things like meditation and prayer, the mindset of “I will end up where I am supposed to go.” So I don’t think it’s a horrible idea to apply. I think we need to take shots on schools like USC - they love high test scores, but are, of course, hard to get into. We’re approaching these schools as unlikely, but at the same time we’re going to make sure we do everything we can so we know that, even if she does get rejected, we did what we could to make her as application look as good as possible for a B GPA student.
TL;DR: the final list is:
Likelies: UCR, UCSC, U of Oregon, Willamette, Santa Clara
Matches/Low Reaches: U of Washington, some UCs(?), BMC, Scripps
Reaches: Barnard, Vassar, Michigan, USC
Now I suppose it’s just the application! Any other input? :)</p>
<p>I don’t think a gap year is a good idea unless DD really, really wants it. Having all your friends head off to college while you stay home, sleep late and “heal” sounds like a recipe for ennui and depression to me! Also agree that sending DD off to the NE is bad idea. SEasonal Affective Disorder can be a real issue for people w/depression issues. Lots of good choices near to you…</p>
<p>@am Agreed, the chance that she would agree to a gap year is almost nonexistent. It is a nice thought though! My daughter hates the sun - that’s why she loves UWash Seattle/Oregon. Lots of rain! But if she gets in, we’ll really have to weight out pros vs cons.</p>
<p>" daughter hates the sun - that’s why she loves UWash Seattle/Oregon."
then she should add Whitman in Eastern Oregon- it is a great LAC, and she would likely be a match for her.
Have her submit her completed app for USC before their Dec 1 application deadline fro scholarship consideration- with her ACT score they might offer her a 1/2 tuition scholarship, but that is far less likely if she does not get her app done by then.</p>
<p>That’s a good point about the gap year anxious mom. You know your daughter best OP and whether she would even consider it. My feeling is that for many high schoolers who struggle with anxiety and depression, the struggles do not go away when they are at college; if anything, the academic stresses/social stresses/homesickness/weather exacerbate it. If your daughter is armed with coping mechanisms and she feels confident in her ability to handle anxious/sad situations, that is great. However, given that you are considering sending her to school on the opposite coast, if there are any doubts, I think giving her extra time to reflect and mature could only be a plus.</p>
<p>You need to make your college choice carefully. You want her to be successful, and happy. You do NOT want to come back here in a year writing “we THOUGHT she was doing OK”.</p>
<p>If you go back over this thread, I think you can see we were somewhat holding back because we don’t have firsthand knowledge of your D, tho we remember prior details. But some of us do have experience with what “can” go wrong. We had the instant run to meet D2 in the ER, one winter month. Though she is much more mature now, we had to take her to ER again last month when we were there, for anxiety (a reasonably expected Rx change. This sort of thing is common, where dosages or the actual meds need a shift.). We are lucky to be just a 3 hour drive.</p>
<p>Vassar, as an example, requires advance arrival at your airport for TSA. From JFK, you have to get a car to drive to Poughkeepsie. Some destinations require a plane transfer or layover. Or the first flights may be booked. I wouldn’t endorse any school before checking what it really takes to get to get to her side, whatever season or time of day. Whether it’s for a trouble or just to share a day or two. Because your D is still healing.</p>
<p>blossom’s post #100 is full of all kinds of wisdom.</p>
<p>And the gap idea isn’t about catching up on her sleep. A good gap program, that sort of commitment, can help patch her self-esteem. It gives her something structured and can show well to adcoms. </p>
<p>All this, when our children have suffered, is more than the usual college talks. In itself, it’s about our own holistic view of our kids and what is good for them. The whole kid, not just her college hopes. I don’t mean this to be harsh. We can’t predict for you. But we can talk.</p>
<p>Whitman college is in Walla Walla Washington.</p>
<p>I think your daughter could amp up the number of LACs on her list. I’m less put off by distance. We live overseas and dealt with some serious breakdowns effectively with Skype. The key difference between my son’s experience at a small LAC and mine at a huge public U (UMich actually which was about an hour away from my home) was the level of support and nurturing from faculty, administration and friends. I’m not saying it can’t be found at a mega-U; it’s just so much more accessible at a small LAC.</p>
<p>I’d give Smith and Haverford special mentions. I’d also look at Colby, Bates, Kenyon, Grinnell. These rate high on my (very) unscientific kind and caring scale.</p>
<p>Definitely look at Smith. I found it to be a challenging but nurturing place.
And a friend of mine was born in Hawaii moved to NYC because she said she had reverse SAD. Couldn’t take all that sunshine.</p>
<p>We have a local friend that would have LOVED to attend Pepperdine. She was accepted, but alas it was too expensive. A kid with higher stats I think would qualify for scholarships.</p>
<p>I personally think the issue for this family is NOT communication (Skype, FaceTime or anything else)…it is the ability for them to get TO this student quickly if needed. Or to get the student home for a weekend if needed. Going 3000 miles away will not make this easy to do. </p>
<p>If this were my child, I would want her closer to home.</p>
<p>Yes, Whitman is in Eastern Washington, not Oregon…and it has lots of sun. The East is very differnt from the West.</p>