<p>Ummm, compared to Seattle or Portland, WallaWalla has “lots of sun”.
For someone from California, the latitude difference means much less sun in the winter.</p>
<p>Whitman is a very nurturing place, but hard to reach.</p>
<p>Santa Clara would be my vote. And I say that as a parent of a very happy and successful Whitman grad.</p>
<p>I’m glad that Willamette is on your list. My son started there this year and really likes it. His issues are different from your daughters’ (moderate LDs and Anxiety Disorder). His story is not one of high performance disrupted by crisis, but one of persistent effort despite challenges. </p>
<p>Though their stories are different, my son’s experience leads me to believe that Willamette could be a good place for your daughter. First, though it may be a safety for her, the work is challenging. They mean what they say about having 2-3 hours of work for every hour each class meets. Second, and more important by far, the freshman colloquium program ensures that all students have a close relationship with their advisor from the get go. Students are assigned a colloquium based on interest, and the professor is their advisor until they declare a major. In my son’s case, this meant that six weeks in when he was struggling with the academic demands, he felt comfortable turning to his advisor, whom he sees in class for three hours every week. There was no need to figure out who to see or where to go, as the relationship was already well established.</p>
<p>I’m a huge advocate of a gap year.
There are many threads on how to develop a plan of action.
She still should apply to schools senior year, but then let the school know about her plans,
Most schools will applaud her decision as it makes for a student who is more able to take advantage of their opportunities compared to the freshmen who basically are trying to prove " how mature " they are, but actually end up confirming the opposite.
;)</p>
<p>What about Mills College? </p>
<p>I would want my child to have many, good, close to home options. She may feel and you may feel differently than you do now in September.</p>
<p>^^ agree with this and other posters worried about a cross-country college move. I would be very concerned about sending a child with previous mental health issues off to college far from home (greater than 2-3 hours), especially if there is no support system in place. Although issues have stabilized for now, going off to college creates all sorts of new stressors in her life which she will need to negotiate pretty much on her own. </p>
<p>There are many good schools in CA that might work-- many have already been mentioned.</p>
<p>Hi everyone, I thought I’d give a quick update! D has been accepted to University of the Pacific with $20k scholarship, University of Iowa, and University of Oregon. UCs and privates come out this month, and we’re keeping our fingers crossed! Unfortunately, while things were looking up back in October, I feel like she’s been more down than ever lately. I don’t know if it would just be better for her to go somewhere and transfer to one of her dream schools, but I’m skeptical of keeping her at home, what with everything going on. She does so well in new environments. As VP of UNICEF and such she’s so involved, and everyone says she’s so down-to-earth and that she’s their favorite officer. She thrives in environments like this, when she’s commanding an audience and being herself. Her 8th semester grades haven’t started out so well because she’s been fairly immobile, so I’m encouraging her to talk to her teachers about the depression and family issues in hopes that they’ll give her a breather. I don’t want her to do anything rash, especially because this is such a tense time.</p>
<p>It’s wonderful that your DD has been accepted to the schools she’s listed, but honestly I’d be very concerned about her mental/emotional health in terms of being able to handle being a freshman on a strange campus. Many kids who were doing fine their senior year of high school find that being in a strange new environment with lots of people who are very different from them to be VERY stressful. I hope she is getting some professional help with her issues beyond just hoping her teachers will cut her some slack in her final semester of high school.</p>
<p>You last sentence suggests to me that college and grades should be the last things you should be worrying about.</p>
<p>Thanks for the update!
Congrats on your DD getting some acceptances under her belt.
I would still be very concerned about her emotional issues. Please take her to a psychiatrist to be evaluated for major depressive disorder. </p>
<p>Did you ever check what it takes to get to Iowa or Oregon, in case you need to be there fast? Also, she may not be commanding an audience as a freshman- may be waiting her turn, so to say, while upperclassmen fill those roles. Did you check to see if there are various types of activities where she can play a larger role? Is she ready to change activities if the first tries don’t give her much voice? </p>
<p>OP, you’re telling us she seems more down lately, used the word immobile- but, at the same time, that you are skeptical of keeping her home. (I don’t know if that means gap or a college closer to home.) College isn’t just a “new environment.” Not like a day trip or a week away. It’s 24/7, for weeks til a break. Best wishes. But our job as parents doesn’t end in Sept, as I learned with mine. </p>
<p>“As VP of UNICEF and such she’s so involved, and everyone says she’s so down-to-earth and that she’s their favorite officer. She thrives in environments like this, when she’s commanding an audience and being herself.”</p>
<p>Maybe she feels more uplifted when she feels like she has some control in a situation whereas she doesn’t have control in her friend’s suicide, her college apps (acceptances), or her parents’ separation.</p>
<p>I agree with others…I would encourage the closer to home schools. I have seen many kids implode at school, and some of those were kids with no known issues. There will be more opportunities for her move away later on.</p>
<p>@fightingirishdad, your posts alone convince me that your daughter is not quite ready to leave for college: You sound scared. I urge you to listen to your instincts.</p>
<p>I read recently that, on some campuses, up to 50% of students seek counseling for mental health issues. It is an epidemic that our children are suffering. Do you really want to send your daughter away (especially somewhere not easily accessible) when she seems so unstable? Not only will you be constantly worrying about her, but it sounds like your daughter will need to use all her mental reserves just to function (you said she is “fairly immobile”).</p>
<p>A new environment will not magically make all her woes disappear. She really needs to work through her issues. She has acceptances in hand (Congratulations!) so it would cost her nothing to ask for a gap year. She can use that time to nourish herself and to arm herself with coping mechanisms to deal with any potential problems. </p>
<p>My heart goes out to you fightingirishdad. I wish you and your daughter the best.</p>
<p>It is a tough time and I don’t know what advice to give. Some do better when they go off to college, some don’t. I can tell you one of mine nearly had to stay home and do penance by showing he could stay out of trouble and do academics successfully for a year, and I wouldn’t have bet a dime he’d make through a year of college anywhere and achieve the same, but he did, going a way and graduated in 4 years with his chosen major. So it does happen. Yet there are kids where all the ducks are in the roll and the demons just came out, and they needed the time out.</p>
<p>I’m not sure how it works with the UCs. My brother lives in CA, and according to him, there are UCs that would take most students. That the problem is that everyone wants the same group of the well known ones. I don’t know how possible a UC to UC transfer would be-- I understand that a CSU to UC is not supported.</p>
<p>These are difficult years as kids transition to adults as the mental demons rear their ugly heads. Hard to say what the right choices to make are. </p>
<p>Thank you everyone for your responses. When I said I don’t want her to stay home, I meant more specifically that I don’t think it would be wise for her to, for example, take a gap year or go to CC for a year and transfer to a good UC, or another private school. If the home situation was any different, and W was the supportive parent that DD needs her to be, a gap year or a CC year would work wonderfully, but I know her staying at home is just hurting her more.</p>
<p>Her therapist says that she will be better off at college because she will be in command of her own responsibilities without parental pressure. We live in the Bay Area, and the only other nearby schools we applied to are UC Davis, UC Berkeley (both about 40 minutes away) and University of San Francisco. Not sure of the likelihood that Davis or Berkeley are options for her, but she did receive a supplement about “hardship” from both.</p>
<p>@lookingforward Iowa was ruled out early because it would be hard to reach, even by plane. Her aunt lives in Eugene, and Oregon is 8 hours away and a 45 minute flight, so that’s looking pretty good thus far. We would definitely prefer a school like Davis.</p>
<p>@YoHoYoHo I think that is very true - I didn’t think of it that way! </p>
<p>Is there anything else that I can do right now to help her? We’ll most likely be putting her on medication soon, but she’s been getting sick a lot lately (probably fueled by anxiety) and her class grades are dropping. Stress all around.</p>
<p>fightingirish, best wishes for your daughter to make a transition to college with her high academic potential. Parental separation is a huge stressor at her age but not unheard of in the offices of counselors on campuses everywhere. I recall my own parents marriage unravelling during those years and they still have no appreciation for how much of a psychological burden it was for me. I am thinking about the fact that we (and parents I know)…did not want their kids on accutane in college so made sure that if they felt that a cycle of that controversial drug was necessary, they made sure it was done on their watch during junior or senior years of high school. No one can expect a college or your dorm peers to understand your reactions to medication. Obviously (and from previous posts on this thread)…if you take psychotropic meds, there will be tweaks and changes in dosages and trial and error. I am going to be a bit bossy here: It is your responsibility to get her to a therapist and to a psychiatrist intimately connected to her “talk therapist” now while she is under your roof. I recognize that she is residing with your ex, and this is problematic, but you most definitely need to have her evaluated and considered for medication now while you have oversight, and hopefully you will be pulled into her contact with her therapist and doctor in some fashion. Don’t wait to have medication enter the picture when she is on campus. There will be no reliable friends in her first year who will feel free to call you to report concerns. Better to have her “continue” talking to someone on campus and connecting with someone on campus to go to for med reviews. Building this safety net for her on a college campus is essential but the preliminary six months begin now. She may indeed get relief from a low dose of an anti-depressant. Things like deeper REM sleep are important for coping in life. Being a top student in a less selective college within driving distance from home can be an excellent choice. I agree that the more personal the classrooms, the better likelihood of her not getting isolated but LACs are hard to come by with tuition reductions. The University of the Pacific has one alum in my friendship circle…a highly successful, creative and balanced person who loved their liberal arts program but you are in a much better position to weigh out that option than I am with my one person survey . wishing you the best, signed bossy CC parent.</p>
<p>First and foremost…you need to put your daughter’s mental health at the TOP of the list. If there are persistent concerns cropping up, I would be very worried about sending her far away. Regardless of what she signs when you take her to college, your daughter can revoke your ability to receive information. Also, if she ends up in the hospital, and doesn’t sign for you to be a contact or CAN’T do so, you will not be informed. </p>
<p>As a parent, I would want this child to be a car drive away, not a plane ride…and I’m talking less than two hours. If you get the sense that something isn’t quite right, you can easily go on a two hour road trip. Would you really hop in a plane? Also, this is a huge obligation for another relative to have. </p>
<p>I’m with Faline…I would want her to be a student within a reasonable driving distance from home.</p>
<p>I love my nieces and nephews like they are my own kids- but the reality is, they are not my own kids. This is something huge to put on an Aunt- even the most responsible and loving Aunt. I would re-think that plan if I were you. I have happily acted in loco parentis on a few occasions but I would have been very aggravated if a sibling (or sibling in law) had withheld relevant medical information from me before asking me to take on this responsibility.</p>
<p>So do you disclose everything to the Aunt (and if so, I feel for your D) or withhold from the Aunt (and if so, I feel for the Aunt, who really needs to know everything- the history, the meds, the depression, in order to be a responsible temporary “close by adult”.)</p>
<p>The Aunt seems like a back up plan, at best, or at least another engaged adult in your D’s life. Not someone who might need to be on call for a Freshman suffering from a major depressive incident.</p>
<p>I love my nieces and nephews like they are my own kids- but the reality is, they are not my own kids. This is something huge to put on an Aunt- even the most responsible and loving Aunt. I would re-think that plan if I were you. I have happily acted in loco parentis on a few occasions but I would have been very aggravated if a sibling (or sibling in law) had withheld relevant medical information from me before asking me to take on this responsibility.</p>
<p>So do you disclose everything to the Aunt (and if so, I feel for your D) or withhold from the Aunt (and if so, I feel for the Aunt, who really needs to know everything- the history, the meds, the depression, in order to be a responsible temporary “close by adult”.)</p>
<p>The Aunt seems like a back up plan, at best, or at least another engaged adult in your D’s life. Not someone who might need to be on call for a Freshman suffering from a major depressive incident.</p>
<p>TSA alone takes 1.5 - 2 hours. Faline, I pm’d OP with some similar thoughts about meds and monitoring them.</p>
<p>To the OP…even from the start of this thread, my gut feeling has been you want to preserve your daughter’s going away to college at all costs. I want to go on the record here…I’m not sure that is in her best interest as you have indicated persistent and reoccurring issues. Please consider this first and foremost when making a college choice. </p>