<p>There have been lots of helpful threads about preparting for that first day or year of boarding school. Is there any special advice you can share for a student who is not entering the freshman class but is joining an existing class. My daughter will be starting as a 10th grade equivalent.</p>
<p>I’m sure it varies by school, but at my kids’ school the existing 10th graders will go out of their way to welcome and talk to the new 10th graders. Whether or not that happens at your daughter’s school, it’s a good idea for her to meet and talk to as many kids as possible during orientation and the first days of school. Besides meals, she can do this during free periods and after dinner (before study hall). Also, try to attend as many start-of-school social events as possible. Although she will certainly continue to meet and get to know people throughout the year, it’s easier to do when everyone is back from the summer and not yet back into a groove.</p>
<p>At my school there’s a pretty big sense of community so people are constantly trying to make the newcomers feel as welcome as possible. And at DA at least, the 10th grade increases by half when the new sophomores come, so everyone is feeling a bit out of their comfort zone, not just the new students. The best advice I can give is just for her to be herself and to be open and friendly.Try to put forth an effort to converse with students when she arrives–I made my closest friends on move in day. Halfway through sophomore year, you couldn’t tell who came in as 9th or tenth grader :)</p>
<p>Fret not. There will be plenty of other new sophomores!</p>
<p>At my school, the general line is that we’re a super-welcoming community and everyone is eager to make new friends. But I’ve watched new sophomores and juniors who struggled to find their way in, and I’ve helped where I could. I don’t teach at a perfect school where unicorns prance across the quad every day at 4, and I don’t come from a prep school/upper class background myself, and I’m personally a huge introvert. I find the culture at my boarding school tough at times. Here are some thoughts strictly from my perspective. These may or may not ever be issues at your new school:</p>
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<li><p>Prepare yourself for the inevitable “oh, you weren’t here for that” stuff. It’s actually not intended to be malicious. The kids who stay stuff like this are trying to make themselves feel better about being part of something; they are not thinking about your feelings at all. Sure, it’s callous, but if you know those kind of comments are coming your way and if you remind yourself that you are witnessing a new classmate reassure himself without regard to your feelings you can prepare to shrug it off. </p></li>
<li><p>The first days can take on sort of a hyper-charged energy that is not reflective of what your life will settle into. This is a reminder especially for introverts and those who are feeling a little unsure in their new surroundings (especially if you are a public school kid and not wealthy). The most extroverted kids will do a lot of running around and proclaiming total strangers their newest, bestest friends. It can be extremely loud and very intense, but know that it will settle as soon as people calm down and get over their nerves. Deep down, everyone does want to have a great year and make new wonderful friends, but yeah, the first week can be weird.</p></li>
<li><p>There will be a certain amount of kids sizing you up for your dating potential/what threat you pose to their dating life/what your sexuality is/etc. There’s more of this for kids entering later than for freshmen. You may be tossed into uncomfortable conversations way earlier than you’d like, as new acquaintances demand to know which stranger you are most attracted to. Again, there’s no real malice here, but boarding school is a relentless fishbowl and teenagers are fascinated by issues of attraction. They’ve already had a year to grill each other, so it can be open season on newbies at first. It’s okay to shrug off questioning that is too much too soon.</p></li>
<li><p>It’s okay to define yourself. There will be helpful returning students who will quickly try to size you up and tell you who you are and what you should do. Again, they are motivated by kindness and often by a terror of “what will people think if s/he doesn’t fit the mold?” but you get the full say in who you are. Prepare for lots and lots of questions about your taste in music, movies, cute stars, sports, etc. If you have insecurities about your socioeconomic status (I’ve struggled with this my whole life) remind yourself firmly that every question about your stuff and your taste is not a veiled insult. </p></li>
<li><p>Never be afraid to introduce yourself to people. In those first days, because of the heightened atmosphere, you have carte blanche to walk up to anyone and introduce yourself. People will be nice back if you are nice to them, but not all returning students will make a move to talk to new students (some of it is plain old New England reserve, since we tend to keep to ourselves). So don’t assume that a returning kid who doesn’t approach you doesn’t want to get to know you. I actually faced this as a teacher. None of the current faculty outside my department introduced themselves or welcomed me when I was new. I had to do all the work to meet people. Then they were very happy to chat and were very warm once I did, but made no moves first. I hated it, but that’s the way it worked, so I forced myself to be more outgoing than I normally am.</p></li>
<li><p>If you can go for early sports, do it. At my school, the sophomores and juniors who integrated the most quickly into the school were 1:the kids who were at school a week early for sports, and 2:the kids who immediately join theater, because at our school, that bunch is incredibly welcoming, co-ed, and mixes all the grades together. This is probably very different depending on the school.</p></li>
<li><p>Boarding School kids can be very silly about “earned experience.” I had students my first year here tell me I could not possibly understand the significance of several school events even though I’ve been teaching for 10 years in several different schools. As it turned out, I totally could understand events just by hearing them described, but I was not truly accepted until I’d lived through them. Whatever. So even if you have been to a pep rally before, or stood in the stands at a game where everyone is wearing a black t-shirt, just know that YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND until you’ve lived it at that school with those kids. Better to shrug, go along, and allow this particular quirk. Even if your brother, best friend, and aunt have all gone to that school and told you about it, it doesn’t count with them until you live it. Weirdly, this is not their attempt to leave you out, it’s their attempt to make it better for you once you have lived it.</p></li>
<li><p>Clubs work better at some boarding schools than others, but they are frequently squeezed for time and don’t meet as often or as long as you might think. Do join clubs, but do not depend on them as a major part of your social net. It’s more likely you will make your fastest friends on dorm, in class and through sports.</p></li>
<li><p>Prefects/Proctors, etc. can be a mixed bag. Yours may be amazing, but don’t freak out if you get a dud. I’ve taught for a long time, and some of them are unwelcoming duds. So go up a floor or down a floor, or talk to the junior or senior who was not elected prefect (because in some schools the voting system is jacked). As a new sophomore, sometimes your best bet will be older students who are not as invested in proving that they are no longer new. (Some returning sophomores, having survived a tough freshman year, can be a little much with their returning swagger. Don’t worry, it fades.)</p></li>
<li><p>Adults can be surprisingly helpful. I have a huge sideline business in subtly introducing new kids to returning kids and helping new kids find a path. My colleagues and I frequently talk about new sophomores and juniors at the start of each year to help the kids from our dorms/teams/classes find their way. If you talk to an adult who is even remotely hip (I know, I know, it’s a sliding scale) chances are we are very good at helping you negotiate the waters without embarrassing you.</p></li>
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<p>Good Luck to your daughter. She is going to be fine.</p>