<p>Currently, my little brother's a freshman. Very involved in football and other sports, and fairly good academically (He's an A student -- not sure how well he's doing with the increased workload, but I'd guess he'd get low As/high Bs). Smart, dilligent, but not brilliant.</p>
<p>The problem here is that my father (my parents are divorced and he no longer lives with us) is putting immense pressure on my brother to go to Stanford for engineering and play football. Almost insinuating it'll be the only way they'll be able to see each other very often (He's trying to be transfered to the corporate offices in Wash. State -- because he doesn't see my brother enough to justify staying because he's so busy; and he and I are estranged . . .). I think this has a lot to do with the fact that Dad went on a full athletic ride to GT, but was kicked out/dropped out after sophomore year and wants to live vicariously through my brother. But dad also went to an exclusive prep school.</p>
<p>My mom's begining to realize exactly how difficult Stanford is, and is very worried about my brother being overworked. </p>
<p>Would you guys be so kind as to give me advice to relay back to her?</p>
<p>If your brother is a freshman, there is no point worrying about whether he will or won't get into Stanford. What he needs to do is to achieve as high as he is capable of for his own sake, not your dad's. Depending on how well he manages to do in the next couple of years, he may have a shot at Stanford, or he may not. Equally importantly, he may wish to go to Stanford, or he may not. But it should be his achievements, and his decision as to which college to attend.
If your dad moves to Wash. and your brother goes to Stanford, they won't see each other any more often than if your brother went to some other college, even on the East Coast. Anyway, there are plenty of other colleges on the West Coast that might fit the bill as far as distance goes, and are not quite as hard to get into as Stanford.
If your mom can talk to your dad, ask her to tell him to lay off the pressure; it's counterproductive, both in terms of getting academic results and of his relationship with your brother.</p>
<p>I would tell your mom for her to let your brother know, that it is important that he try his best, and when the time is right, he should put a list together of what he wants for his future and in his college, without regard to what others want for him. He should look at that list and see which schools appeal to him because the match what HE wants. When he creates that list...she will support him to the best of her ability and that her love for him is not conditional on grades, touchdowns or anything else.</p>
<p>Maybe a school counselor or some other respected third party could deal with your dad. He probably means well, and just needs to be fine tuned.</p>
<p>There should be a law against talking about specific colleges before junior year. Almost every kid I've known who had a "dream" school, whether it was theirs or a parent's, in 9th grade, ended up unhappy freshman year in college--either because they didn't get into their dream school or because they did. 14-year-olds shouldn't be picking colleges for 18-year-olds, with or without their parents' input.</p>
<p>Is your FA looking for a way out of financial support? Unfortunately, I've seen this all too often. Divorced FA, with a new family, sets up an expectation that canot be realized, in ordr to have an excuse to avoid supporting college expenses. I certainly hope this is not the case for you or your brother</p>
<p>1Down2togo: I absolutely agree. He pushed me to go to Harvard, and I didn't spend nearly enough time looking at matches and safeties. Ended up at a safety I can't stand, and now I'm crossing my fingers for an 06 transfer, hopefully to Weselyean or Brown.</p>
<p>Neither parent has any idea about college (Dad being a recruited athlete, mom never stepping foot in one)</p>
<p>bookworm: Actually, no. Dad's paying half of my EFC for my current school, and does not have a new family yet (he's actually still trying to get my mom back!). I'm more worried about what will happen to my brother.</p>
<p>1Down2togo- Not always true. I've wanted to go to Duke since I was 6. I did do a ton of research/reading/visiting my sophomore and junior years and had lots of other colleges I liked, though. </p>
<p>That said, my sister is also a high school freshman. She has no idea what school she wants to go to, or even a general idea of her major, which I think is normal. Your first couple years of high school should be spent exporing ecs and different courses and trying to keep your grades up- it's simply way too early to limit yourself to one school. That's practically asking for trouble. </p>
<p>As far as seeing his dad, most people barely ever have to time to see their parents, even if they're only a couple hours away- there's just so much to do on campus.</p>
<p>I suggest letting your brother work at his own pace. I managed the entire process myself (although my parents paid fees and took me for visits :)), and it worked out fine. I think there's less stress involved in that method. Neither of my parents went to college, so it was a new experience for all of us.</p>
<p>Your post is always true, though. If you pick a 1st choice school early and without research, then you probably are going to be disappointed. </p>
<p>One thing I forgot to mention earlier is that it's not too early to visit a few nearby colleges that might be interesting. My sister has visited a couple- by no means has she picked out any, but there were several where she knew she wouldn't be happy at all, so it's been more of an elimination process.</p>