UPDATE: As Sept. gets closer, my dad gets more obsessive..

<p>It has been about four months since I first opened up the original thread of "Help: As Sept. gets closer, my dad gets more obsessive..", and I feel that I should update and give further thanks to all the people who have helped me. </p>

<p>From January to March, my dad and I had been at a stalemate over which schools I should even consider. During the first few weeks of March Madness (we are both big fans of NCAA basketball), we would always find a way to bring so-and-so school into our conversations and somehow make it relevant and make a connection to whatever team that was playing. It was our non-confrontational way of trying to convince each another of why so-and-so college should or should not be considered. Fast forward a few weeks later.</p>

<p>While my dad was driving me back from dance practice today, we talked about how my friends would feel when I graduate next year. I told him that they were the ones who were "leaving" me, because lots of them have applied to the new high school with a heavy pre-professional focus. Somehow our conversation turned to the subject of the success rate of early graduates from my school. I told him about the girl who graduated early at the age of fifteen, and was accepted to UT on the pre-med track (I really don't know if UT has a program like the Rice/Baylor program or whether one would have to major in a science and then apply to medical school, please forgive me if it isn't exacly accurate). She was coming home for spring break a couple of weeks ago, and she died in a car accident... she was only seventeen years old. I mentioned to him that my school has been announcing a lot of deaths and sad news in the last couple of weeks. The death that really struck him hard was a suicide that had also happened during spring break. </p>

<p>He started asking me all these questions about whether I felt pressured. I responded that I sometimes feel pressured by him to get straight high A's, and that he does not hold the same academic expectations for my brother. My dad explained to me that he sometimes does have different expectations for me, because I have always had a maturity level beyond my age, while my brother has always been right at the maturity level for his age. He told me that he will gradually raise his expectations for my brother as he matures, because surprisingly my dad was just like my brother when it came to school work (yes..the same man who had honors in all of his three majors in his undergrad. year).</p>

<p>After we got home, I finally outright stated to him that I felt pressured by him in college selection and the whole process. I told him that my list isn't permanently finalized and that whatever schools that I decide to apply to will be well thought out. Some of the schools on my list might make him cringe, while others might make him happy, he should just know that I have good reasons for every one of my decisions. He told me that he has been going crazy about where I might decide to apply (back from the old posts I mentioned that my list was off-limits to him until aug/sept.), but now he has realized that I will succeed at any place I go, because I have a strong drive and can make my own opportunities.</p>

<p>I decided to tell him two of the colleges that are definitely on my list and would make him happy, so that his curiosity would be somewhat satisfied. Even though I told him about the two that I knew would make him glad, I now know that my dad will respect my choices...even if they aren't to his liking. I've also decided to include my dad during college admissions time, because I don't want to isolate him, and I know that it would make him happy to be of some help when it comes to colleges. My dad is still into the whole HYPS prestige factor and the trophy collecting in my case, but he will get over it with time.</p>

<p>Thank you for all the help and for everyone who took time out to post!!! Thanks for reading the update!!</p>

<p>Thesiren:</p>

<p>Thank you for the update. I get the feeling that your dad is enormously proud of you and also a bit scared of the prospect that you will be leaving soon. That can translate into wanting the best which in turn translates into pressure. I'm glad that you are talking through the angst and that you feel confident that he will support you even if you choose not to go to the trophy school. He will get over his disappointment when he sees that you thrive. Good luck choosing!</p>

<p>TheSiren - what a wonderful post! I hope many, many kids and parents read it and think about what can be done with unthreatening honesty - when teens and parents actually listen to each other. I think you have a very bright future.</p>

<p>TheSiren you and your dad will just do fine. We too were very sad about the car accident. Nala was more sad/scared/worried about that.</p>

<p>No wonder he has such a great kid. Your dad sounds pretty great, siren. Slightly over-the-top at times, but still very genuine and caring. There are heaps of kids who would give their right arm for a Dad like yours.</p>

<p>Hopefully, you can move the topic into an area of humour for you and your dad. Men respond very well to humour; ie "Dad, I want to visit Such and Such. Will you be able to stand it?" (Of course he will).</p>

<p>Anyway, well done to you for moving him along with sports. You are a clever girl. ;)</p>

<p>Isn't is strange how many meaningful conversations take place while driving?</p>

<p>Hopefully your dad will back off a bit. You should also consider there is some logic (as well as emotion) on his side. Sure there are many more choices than H, Y, P, and S, but the big name schools do attract strong faculty and students. They also attract lots of financial support and have big endowments which helps them afford the best faculty and opportunities. My D was very stubborn about her choices. Just to keep the peace she applied to a couple of schools we selected. She was rejected by one and is attending the other and is very happy with the outcome.</p>