<p>I’m headed for a showdown with my son. He has been accepted into the UW-Madison (honors). Great school, great program. So what’s the problem? Well, his mother and I don’t think it’s a good fit for him personally. He’s an introverted kid and a bit immature and we don’t believe his reasons for wanting to go to a big school are particularly well-thought out. As far as we can tell it comes down to this: 1) He’s always been enamored by the excitement and energy of a campus on the day of a big football or basketball game. 2) He doesn’t particularly like being noticed or paid attention to in class. The anonymity of a big school is actually appealing to him. Like I said, he’s kind of immature.</p>
<p>He doesn’t really know what he wants to do with his life and argues that for a person like that there’s a benefit to Wisconsin’s size because there are so many offerings. I believe that’s true but only up to a point. There are a vast number of programs and fields that hold no interest for him. He’s not a STEM kid and he’s certainly not heading for agriculture school. He will definitely major in a liberal arts area such as history, econ, poli-sci, writing, psychology, etc. </p>
<p>He was also accepted at Oberlin which - we think – would be a better place for a kid like him to figure out his life. Even though he’s more comfortable flying under the radar, we believe that in the long run, smaller classes and professors who actually know him will be more of a benefit than staying in his comfort zone. We also think it will be easier for him to make friends in the more intimate environment. Additionally, he loves running and excels at cross country and track. Being on teams at high school completely transformed his life – his teammates became his best friends and it helped him find an identity. Oberlin’s track coach recruited him pretty heavily and they’ve already developed a warm relationship. While I don’t think very many people go to Oberlin for sports, it seems like being on the team would be a major plus for a kid like him because of the likelihood of forming close bonds with his teammates as he did in high school.</p>
<p>Cost wise, Wisconsin would be slightly cheaper. Oberlin is more expensive but they have offered him merit-based aid. He will not be incurring any debt either way. </p>
<p>He certainly likes Oberlin but it doesn’t fit the collegiate vision he’s had since he was a child and thus, he’s continuing to favor Wisconsin. He’s doing an overnight visit to Oberlin in the middle of April and with luck he will have a great experience and be swayed.</p>
<p>It’s obvious where we stand as parents. I’m sure many of you will argue that it’s his life and he should make his own decision. In theory I agree, but in practice, I don’t think he’s mature enough to make the best decision. </p>
<p>I think it would help your introverted son to back him up in what he wants for himself. He seems to have thought things through and it is him that is going to college, not you. And please find a way to get excited about Wisconsin if that is where he ends up. </p>
<p>See how it goes on the visit. Sounds like you got a very nice offer from Oberlin, so I can imagine wanting my child there. But it sounds like he will be social at Wisconsin and that is a very social place. </p>
<p>A UW parent whose kid applied to Oberlin (and we are going back to visit it with younger child soon!). I am very sympathetic to your position because we too believed that our somewhat immature son would do better in a smaller environment like Oberlin. He liked the small schools well enough, but just came alive when he stepped onto UW campus. As he did not get into Oberlin, we did not face the same dilemma as you. But he did have some other LAC choices. As two parents who both went to LACs and assumed our kid would do the same, here are some thoughts. </p>
<p>Yes, UW is big. The Honors program can offer a smaller advising environment and a student can be as involved in Honors as they choose. Honors offers a variety of events that can offer a smaller environment to get to know other students and profs etc. A residential learning community, such as Chadbourne, is another option to shrink the experience. I would also recommend a FIG – first year interest group – a cluster of 2-3 related classes that a cohort of about 20 students take together. One class is a seminar, with only those students enrolled in it, and that same group of students make up their own discussion section for the other larger classes making up the FIG. My son says that his FIG was huge in helping him adapt to academics at UW, as he had ready made study groups and friends. The academic opportunities at UW are extraordinary – world class profs who have been accessible to my son. I was dumbfounded when one prof responded to my son’s weekend questions about a paper due on Monday. My son showed me the emails – the prof and he engaged in extensive conversation about the paper, and the prof’s email showed it was being sent from his phone throughout the day on a Sat. As a parent, I couldn’t ask for more involvement than that. History, Poli Sci and Econ at UW are all very highly ranked research programs. My son has taken classes with professors at the forefront of their field and the TAs, in his non-Honors sections, are Ph.D. candidates in these top departments and have been wonderful resources for him. </p>
<p>Yes, UW is a huge party school. We knew our son drank some his senior year of high school, and he says he actually had a better handle on appropriate limits than kids who never drank before college. He was offered weed at basically every LAC where he did an overnight so we were not kidding ourselves that either environment would offer more limits in terms of drugs and alcohol. </p>
<p>Perhaps like your son, ours wanted the anonymity of being able to fly under the radar and not attract attention to himself. At UW, he has matured and developed a lot. Who can say what his trajectory would have been in a smaller setting. But it has been a great experience for him. I can private message you if you have more specific questions about UW etc. </p>
<p>I am the Mom to a Sophomore at Oberlin. My DD has huge anxiety issues and the smaller size where her professors know her and are accommodating to some of her quirks is a huge plus. She is really thriving there. Kids that go to Oberlin are definitely not your mainstream. She has shifted her major from Creative Writing (she wants to be an editor) to a Classics/Sociology double major with a minor in Politics. She is ready to save the world. Oberlin is perfect for her.</p>
<p>Another dad here; daughter (kid #2) went to Wisconsin (actually transferred there after a year at a small school). Wisconsin is big, has a lot going on, football weekends are great, but you’re right, a kid can just drift along there. My view: if you go to a big school, best to find a small community within it (e.g. an Honors program, fraternity/sorority) to get the best of both worlds. (Is your son good enough for the track team at Wisconsin?) Another factor is how hard you as parents want to get. My view: give your opinions, but it’s the kid who is going to college, and who can really predict which environment would help him mature best? </p>
<p>For kid #3, we’re going to accepted students day at Oberlin on Monday to check it out. (kid #2 didn’t like Oberlin-every kid is different) </p>
<p>If you can visit both schools again, that would be wise. It is great that he can do an overnight at Oberlin. I’d also try to revisit UW and I would pay particular attention to what the honors college at UW entails – it could almost create a small school within the bigger school for your son. </p>
<p>I would not automatically push him to Oberlin if he prefers a bigger school. I have a very quiet, introverted son and I was sure a LAC would be a great fit – but once we saw a couple he made it clear that he really didn’t like the smaller schools. He felt a LAC would be stifling and that people would know everything about each other’s business etc. I think what it meant is that he wanted to still have the chance to fade back once in a while. He went to a mid sized university and had an amazing growth experience in every respect. My much more outgoing daughter really liked the intimacy and closeness of a LAC and she is thriving at one now. So my bottom line is the right school is not always the expected one. Listen to your son, especially if he has clear and reasonable reasons for preferring one school over the other.</p>