Bullies often pretend to be your friends. But they are not.
@yourmomma My Pledge bros are fine, they do like to get in on it every so often. I don’t think I’m overreacting but then again that’s all in perspective. I really think that they just think it’s fun and not serious. Others get teased but I’m the most common target. It’s hard cause I thought it was funny in the beginning. Everything has been a slow gradual slope to where it is now.
@1Dreamer Yeah I wasn’t too sure about fighting back cause that is definitely not my personality. Like I hate how superficial rush is so if I can’t handle that how can I fight back lol. That said I really appreciate all the perspectives everyone has provided it has really helped. You’re right the school is huge so I think I’ll def make an effort to meet people outside of Greek life. In my classes, sports and other activities I had stuck mainly with those in houses which was my mistake. Stepping away or at least decreasing involvement might help, I won’t be around to get picked on and I won’t have to give up being a part of it since I do truly enjoy a lot of aspects. Plus the pledges can’t pick on me 
@tucsonmom One thing is I am not too keen on living in an apartment and I’m not sure I want to live in the dorms for yet another year. Plus we have a live in requirement that needs to be fulfilled at some point. But great advice on meeting others outside of the system.
@SculptorDad If it was actual bullying wouldn’t they not give me a bid and let me get initiated though? It’s one of the largest and most well known houses on the row. I think it’s more of an issue they don’t understand my view of the situation.
To everyone thanks so much this is all stuff I needed to hear. It’s a good wake up call
@1Dreamer Yes. You stand up for yourself. You get teased then you can tease them back. I had suggested leaving the room or house but OP didn’t like that. These brothers know that OP is bothered by the teasing. So you can ignore it, leave the situation (exit the room or house) or fight back. For all we know they could be trying to get rid of him. They consciously amped up teasing when he complained. So yes, you can actually stand up for yourself. Make it less fun for them.
@10s4life Things got much worse when you explained your feelings last time. Be prepared for the worst. Sometimes houses change their minds. They might want you to leave. Just be aware.
Hang with your pledge bros. Doesnt sound like they are the problem. And diversify yourself outside of the house is a good idea. Stay focused on grades. This stuff passes as new pledges come on board. Have fun. Good luck.
There are many different levels of bullying. And my answer is yes.
You bully your own classmates and group members, someone within your organization and is close by. You don’t bully random people on street or a large college campus.
This is EXACTLY what I was going to say. They are NOT your friends. They are bullies. Never mind that you still find some enjoyment in frat activities. Abusers always have good qualities too – it’s never all or nothing. If you continue to put up with this, it will erode your sense of self and set you up to continue accepting this type of behavior in the workplace and in intimate relationships. Get out now.
This is the most insidious type of bullying. You are mistaken if you think that the issue is that they “just don’t understand” your point of view. I am sorry to break this to you. You WILL find other friends – friends who treat you well.
I always tell my children that you know who your real friends are by how YOU FEEL when you around them. When you feel good and good about yourself in their presence, then they are your friends.
Yes…move on. Real friends accept you for you. Frat boys need to grow up
I was thinking just the opposite. When I was in a frat, we had about 40-50 members living in the frat house, and I’ll guess 10-15 lived elsewhere. Of the ones who lived elsewhere, those who had previously lived in the frat house seemed to be viewed as full members, but those who had never lived in the frat house almost felt like “adjunct” members, and weren’t quite part of the group. Perhaps moving into the frat house would help others see you as part of the “in-group” and reduce the teasing.
Or maybe not.
"This stuff passes as new pledges come on board. Have fun. "
" Perhaps moving into the frat house would help others see you as part of the “in-group” and reduce the teasing."
The question is, assuming that these advice are true, do you really want to be “in-group” with the childish kids and see them moving to the next victims with a relief? Would have fun with that?
do you read the news? do you suppose the men at Penn State frats believed things were just a little uncomfortable, but they could deal and it would go away? the frat system is specifically designed to make it very difficult emotionally to leave. they convince you there’s nothing like it, nothing to replace it, and nowhere else to turn. This is complete bs.
Of course you can make friends, join other. But ask yourself this – are you prepared to go along with tormenting pledges when you are an upper? is there a lock on your door at the frat house and/or has it occured to you that having to wonder about whether that’s necessary is a big fat red flag?
So, about the bullying. Are they calling you names? Insulting you? or what? How much are you paying in dues for this treatment?
“The question is, assuming that these advice are true, do you really want to be “in-group” with the childish kids and see them moving to the next victims with a relief? Would have fun with that?”
Well we really don’t know the specifics. But it doesn’t sound like it’s “hazing” or “bullying.” Closer to teasing. Kids at these ages bust on each other. My High school friends where 10 time worse than fraternity brothers. Sure it can grate on you some times. But you roll with it. It would all depend on op’s specific situation.
No. College fraternities aren’t cults or street gangs.
Exclusive group that requires financial , social or ethical boundary bending or breaking in return for group inclusion or loyalty. Often closed to outsiders in order to shield members from scrutiny or legal process. Purports to serve some respectable purpose at times (security, family structure, religious principle) in order to justify its less-advantageous aspects. Resents intrusion from those who “don’t understand”.
But let’s not digress from the OP’s problem at hand.
Or group of knuckleheads who like to party too much.
I think that @10s4life sounds like a mature, thoughtful student, and I can completely understand why you don’t want to quit the fraternity. It’s early days. I would stick with it and continue to quietly address the problem. Things may get better in time as seniors graduate. Threatening to quit wouldn’t help, in my opinion.
At the same time, make sure to spend time with kids outside of the fraternity - kids from your classes, join a club related to your major, play on a club team, etc., in case you decide later on to quit. Also, spending less time at the house may help. Many kids join houses but still spend lots of time on other activities. That way, you can still enjoy being part of the social life without spending all your time there. I really like what @1Dreamer said.
The trickiest part is the housing. Hopefully you can resolve this before you have to decide where to live next year… Good luck. You shouldn’t have to deal with this, but it does seem to happen to many people at some point in their life - whether it is is high school, college or at work.
Looks like some posters are taking the opportunity to bash Greek life as a whole on this thread. The poster is describing behavior that could have occurred in a many different group settings. He seems to be carefully considering the situation and I am sure he will find a suitable resolution.
I appreciate the concern and advice of some of the posters but really looking it over I don’t think it’s anywhere close to bullying. After reading some responses I think I’m not going to quit the fraternity and I’ll just have to suck it up and deal with the teasing. Yeah it sucks but it’ll prob go away as I get older. I’m included and invited to non official events so it’s not like I’m being excluded it’s just they can’t help but give me a hard time. I can see how this can be interpreted as bullying but it is Greek life and I guess you can’t expect anything less when being a part of a group of over 100 college guys. I’ll def be sure myself not to continue the pattern as younger guy come through. Maybe that will help change the culture of the house.
I think you’re justifying you’re poor treatment, similar to how a person in a relationship will justify staying with an abuser. But ultimately it is your decision to make. If you feel the good outweighs the bad, that’s a personal judgment. You did mention in the beginning that you’re not like the other guys in some respects. (I’m assuming maybe this means you don’t drink excessively, maybe avoid illegal drugs, or aren’t hooking up with girls in ways they may be encouraging) It takes a VERY strong personality to not go along with the crowd in those respects. That may be why they feel free to gang up on you. There may even be some who are trying to drive you out of the fraternity, whereas others are just going along. In my experience with Greek Life, I wouldn’t have put up with what you’re describing. It isn’t worth it to spend a lot of time with people who don’t respect you. But again, it’s your decision to make. Good luck!