Advice on my Admission Essay?

<p>Good evening CC.</p>

<p>I would like to ask you for any advice to better my Common App Essay.</p>

<p>I chose option 2: "Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you."</p>

<p>Here is my essay. Please, tell me if you see something wrong or inappropiate, or if my essay is totally wrong.
I would love to hear your recommendations, since I want to have it mastered right now, since deadlines are in december/january.
Thanks, and sorry if it's large (it's 550 words long)</p>

<p>"Bullying is a serious problem. Although many people don’t see it as a “big deal”, bullying is in fact a type of “terrorism” that is present in high school.
The basis of this is narrow views of people. The bullies like to find differences in people and then categorize them as bad. However, this is vacuous, since in reality we are all equal. </p>

<p>I went to a Catholic High School. Since it was a religious institution, the school was composed of only males. According to many studies, this atmosphere increases the odds of bullying.
Sadly, I can support that.
I was constantly bullied at my school.</p>

<p>Apparently, I was not good looking (superficial opinion).
Because of this, older kids loved to teased me and bothered me.
First, it was with my ears. Supposedly I had big ears, but I didn't. They looked fine to me.
They began calling me names, like “Mickey Mouse” or “Satellite Ears”, and obviously the most common name of “Dumbo”.
I constantly grew up in the school with this name. Every time an older kid felt the “need” to bother me, he yelled to the school: “Here comes Dumbo!”
He would then, with other kids, grab my ears and drive me around the playground, saying: “Come one! Fly! We want to see you flying”. I remember everyone staring at me, laughing, and some others looking me with a sorrowful view.
As time passed, the kids that liked to bother me began to leave to Universities.
However, there were more bullies than just them.
Now I wasn’t bothered because of my ears (This was until I reached 9th grade).
People now said that I was disgustingly ugly. They brought a new set of nicknames for me, including “Shrek”, “Troll”, and their favorite, “Hagrid”.
Every time I found them, they screamed to me “Hey, what’s up Hagrid?” and everyone again stared, laughing. The most archetypal question they asked me was: “Does it hurts to be ugly?”
Obviously I didn’t answer. I just stayed quiet, eager to hear the bell ring.
Because of this, I was so scared that many of the breaks and lunch times I hided at the chapel. I ate there and then prayed to God for the bullying to stop.</p>

<p>Surprisingly, I never thought of revenge, neither did I felt any negative feelings towards them.
I only felt scared with them, luckily.
But I’m glad I just felt that. If I had felt any feeling of revenge I would probably have ended even worse than what I actually did.</p>

<p>And as you can see, “my big ears” and “my ugliness” were the basis of their bullying. This was their aberration: a superficial point of view they had about me.
Every difference is based on vacuous superficial views, and because of this, many kids suffer this illogical treatment.
From my experience, bullying is a harsh thing, and it should be stopped.
The only way is to explain everyone that we are all equal. If you have a keen mind, you will agree with me.
Unfortunately, every day there are more bullies with narrow minds, who don’t understand this general fact.
Until the day where everyone realizes that every people living in this world is similar to one another, bullying is most surely to continue to exist."</p>

<p>It is a good start, however, I think you need to revise to make sentences flow better, include better vocabulary, and present your ideas clearer.</p>

<p>I thought it pretty unique :)</p>

<p>Thank you tahmidshahriar.</p>

<p>And thank you too Dionram28. </p>

<p>I understood what you said and you were right. Many times I committed diction problems and also I was incoherent in some cases, making it difficult for the reader to follow my ideas.
I already corrected it and I think it’s capable of more.</p>

<p>Although, I would still appreciate some other points of views.</p>

<p>Anyways, thank you; both of you</p>