<p>My son is at college far (and far) away. We talked to him once a week or so and found that we cannot get much information from him. For those worried parents, I wonder how you will find out how your son or daughter is doing in college. The grade reports have not yet been updated so we just do not know. Can parents send email to professors or Residence Advisor (RA)? Do you have any creative ways to suggest? </p>
<p>Any suggestions will be appreciated. Thanks in advance!</p>
<p>Just ask your son directly if he has gotten any assignments/tests back and what the grades are. My kids would tell me–even about bad grades.
I wouldn’t call RA unless you suspect a serious problem–depression, drug use, etc.</p>
<p>Assume no news is good news?
Friend him on FB? ;)</p>
<p>The context of this post does not jive with the only other post by the OP. Let this one go.</p>
<p>Good call, RS.</p>
<p>Thanks, RS.</p>
<p>Why do they do this? It’s such a dumb waste of time.</p>
<p>Should we morph this thread into a useful one for real parents? or leave it as a ■■■■■?</p>
<p>Well it might be comforting to let you know that you are not alone, every parent worries, especially during the freshman year. It is an adjustment for both the parent and student, I would suggest to give your son some space and let him call you when he is ready. Remember that in most of these situations no news is good news, your son is probably busy with his school work and involved with making friends and finding his way within his new enviroment. Do not contact his professors or the school, this is not high school, your son is now a college student, he needs to start to make his own decisions and become responsible for his actions. Most kids take a semester or two to understand that doing well at college requires time management and commitment to make decent grades. Unfortunatley this process can be difficult for some parents, naturally we all worry that our kids are safe, healthy, and studying. I have a two kids myself, a daughter who graduated in 09 from nursing school and is happily working and living on her own. My son is a freshman in college and my wife and I worry and wonder how he is doing all the time. Although he calls us once a week, we stay in contact by texting him a couple times a week, it seems less intrusive and today kids seem to prefer and respond more readily to that type of communication alot better than “my parents are calling again”.</p>
<p>I know it is painful, but try to be strong and resist the urge to treat him like a high school student, if he was unhappy or nervous he would be calling you daily and whining about the how the school is not a good fit, his teachers stink, I hate my roomate, or how unfair the work load is.</p>
<p>wis,</p>
<p>I am thinking ■■■■■, but someone might be able to benefit. I am out.</p>
<p>@RS: “The context of this post does not jive with the only other post by the OP. Let this one go.”</p>
<p>Sorry I got you confused. This is NOT a ■■■■■. I do not have CC login ID and used my 2nd son’s ID to login (lol). Actually this is regarding my first son who is currently a freshman in college. Like MJP said, we are worried as parents, thus we like to hear from those who have already experienced this. I find many parents on CC are quite helpful and willing to share their experiences. </p>
<p>Thanks again!</p>
<p>Do yourself a favor and get a new login. Otherwise, you will face this confusion for a long time!</p>
<p>It’s natural to be worried. But you raised your kid right, and now they are on to this new adventure. Give him time to get settled. Don’t contact professors or RA’s. They usually won’t be able to respond, even if they wanted to.</p>
<p>Okay- for the benefit of parents who read this thread here’s my input. Just discovered I cross posted, but here’s the original post.</p>
<p>There have been past “mothers of sons” threads for those of us lamenting the lack of communication. Once a week is good for keeping track of a college student. Never got my son to divulge much about his life- school, EC’s, dorm, grades, et al. Knowing he was okay once a week is a god thing- lack of communication could mean problems.</p>
<p>If a student started this- you owe the people that care about you a once a week check on your well being. Same reason I check on my elderly father. As you become more comfortable with yourself you will be more willing to share. Be happy someone cares about your welfare. Your parent-child relationship is changing. Be willing to reassure your parents that you are at least surviving. A lot can be told by tone of voice- emails aren’t enough. Arrange for a once a week time that is mutually acceptable and be prepared to report. Sometimes a simple “all’s well” suffices. Never lie. If all is not well parents can offer support just by their constancy in your life. Knowing you are maturing by way of how you respond to inquiries can help parents stay out of your life.</p>
<p>He doesn’t know how he’s doing yet – academically speaking.</p>
<p>If he started college in August, the first round of major exams is just starting now. </p>
<p>If his school has a later start, he knows even less.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t call the RA unless you suspect a significant problem. I only did it once. My son, who lived in a single, sent me an e-mail in the middle of the night saying, “I accidentally took my prescription medicine twice, but I guess it’s OK, right?” I didn’t receive the e-mail until the next morning, and when I called his cell phone (which was his only phone), he didn’t answer. So I called the dorm desk and asked to have someone check on him. They woke him up (he didn’t hear the phone because he was asleep), with some charming remark like “Hey, @@@@@, call your mom.” It turned out that the double dose of medicine didn’t cause any problems, but I thought it was worth checking to be sure it had not made him ill.</p>
<p>I have one word of advice for you: Skype</p>
<p>If you don’t know, skype is a completely <em>free</em> program whereby you can video conference. You and the child download the program and off you go. No per minute charges, nothing.</p>
<p>Being able to see your child, their body language, state of grooming or lack thereof ;), the status of their surrounding (e.g. dorm room), and sometimes their interactions with their peers as other kids/roommates come and go, will give you a ton of information that a mere phone call won’t. We find it much more comforting than a phone call. </p>
<p>If you don’t have a videocam in your computer, its not much money to buy a plug in.</p>
<p>I check my S’s Facebook page. I’ll text him if its been more than 4 or 5 days. Just a hi & a hi back.</p>
<p>I know he’s having a great time, and if he had problems, he’d call.</p>
<p>Addenda. Do get your own login. </p>
<p>My son has evolved into a more frequent communicator over the college years- still don’t know the past 2 or 3 semesters grades, however, despite requests (not on Dean’s list so no 4.0, but continues to take grad level math courses as an undergrad so must be doing okay…). He was always independent and never told us much while at home so I couldn’t expect him to satisfy my curiosity about his college experiences. Once a week reassures you things are still okay. Sunday afternoon seems to work best- before into heavy studying and not before awake or during the week or weekend activities. </p>
<p>H is much less curious about personal details. Consider it none of your business and you may find out more. Also utilize all of the information you can from his college’s website. We have had a printable copy of his class schedule sent to us by son each semester- helpful in knowing when to be able to call during the day (for timely things such as business hours take care of details) as well as the info for finding out stuff about his classes. Useful to know final exam schedule in advance so you can plan his semester break trip home. All gleaned from the school website, not son. You can often view details from the professor and learn when exams are, papers due and topics covered (although by now for math it is often literally “Greek to me”). Do not express this knowledge to him- public knowledge you glean is fair game for you to know but give him his buffer zone. Let him choose what to reveal.</p>
<p>You have to assume “no news is good news”. Let him have his privacy. The first low grade may not mean a low grade for the semester. He is learning to navigate all aspects of his college- physical, academic, virtual-online, interpersonal, emotional and any others. Give him time to figure things out without your lacking the whole picture yet giving your input/advice at this stage. Once you have done your homework on his college website you may be able to subtly drop hints you think may help (such as attention to deadlines if you know your child chronically forgets them- although you will be surprised at how well they do when given the freedom to act without parental supervision).</p>
<p>It is hard not to worry. As parents we know most of our child’s faults and weaknesses to the time we drop them off. Then they change without our realizing it. Surprisingly the child who required multiple parental wake up attempts after you heard his alarm clock from down the hall will easily get up in time for classes. He will get things done without you. In fact, without your presence he will thrive more than he did at home. Letting go is the hard part of sending a child off to college. Do it. Start getting a life without him. New stage in life for you, too.</p>
<p>I usually let my two S’s initiate phone calls. I would do texts for minor things that they needed to know about the family. They would call when they could. Usually about once a week.</p>
<p>One son probably talks to his dad more than me - they just have a different relationship. When I talk to him, he isn’t chatty. I am always amazed that my H is on the phone with S1 because it is such a long conversation. Glad they talk like that. Wasn’t always the way. </p>
<p>I do try to keep focused on some of the details of their school - when their classes are, finals, etc. I ask once in awhile about their classes, but try not to stress them out.</p>
<p>Don’t EVER e-mail a professor! You will embarrass your son and annoy the professor. College is not summer camp.</p>
<p>Agree that your son may not know how he is doing. It’s not often that profs give homework for grades that are tabulated and “count” for a huge chunk of the final grade like in high school. The mid-term is the major point in time. Ask your son if there is a mid-term report or have him schedule meetings with his profs post mid-term One of my son’s schools actually posts a mid-term progress report for freshman fall only. </p>
<p>Your son will know when his mid-terms are and he should have grades from those mid-terms within a week or so. Ask him to talk to you after those grades are posted.</p>
<p>Generally if you talk to your kids at least once a week you’ll pick up signals, they’ll say stuff like “I’m on the way to the library” or “ugh I have so much reading to do tonight” or can’t talk long I’m in the middle of a paper can I call you back or they’ll make a comment about someone in a study groupf or flat out tell you some class is just plain old “hard”…just general comments that are natural. If you’re not getting any positive signals then you might ask something like “have you figured out a time during the day to study?” or “Are you able to study in your room” or is their a class that hard?" of something that should launch some sort of dialogue about how they are coping.</p>
<p>Most kids do just fine. They might discover they need to step it up after midterms or they might find they can relax in a particular class and need to kick it in with another. For the kids that hated the daily grind of high school homework but in general were good students…they are often just sailing along enjoying the freedom of putting their own schedule together.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the advice to new college parents. My freshman S has always been very independent and does not communicate voluntarily except in person. I actually got a letter from him the first year he went to camp that said, “They said I have to write a letter. This is it.” From what little we have heard loves school, lots of new friends, no comment on classes. I also got the no grades so far comment. I have also noted the interesting trend that he communicates more if dad calls than mom, even though our relationship has always been closer and I was always more involved in school, etc. Dad just seems to know how to communicate without playing 20 questions. My conversations tend to sound more like an interrogation, and then I am surprised when he gets surly! We communicate once a week at best, and we initiate. </p>
<p>Fall break comes up in October. Question for the experienced - what is the best way to handle him home for a few days?</p>