<p>Well as many predicted here the girls do not have the nerve to deal with the dictator roommate or to report her to the RA. The boyfriend has cut down on visits yet he is still there three days a week, just not consecutive 3 day visits. My neighbor decided to stay out of the drama and let her daughter solve the problem. Especially given all the issues the family had dealt with in the past with the older daughter. And so it goes…By the way the RA is not able to see the boyfriend come in and out as the RA is located on a different floor and there is no sign in book at the school according to the neighbor’s daughter or the boyfriend ignores the policies. The neighbor’s daughter decided she will room with someone else next year and said “I will suffer through the year…well it is not that bad” Stockholm syndrome :)</p>
<p>3 non-consecutive visits per week, while irritating to the roomies, probably falls within the acceptable guidelines of the school. So… perhaps this thread will finally be put to rest. RIP!</p>
<p>I suggest that the parent check with housing and find out if the rooms are assigned or if it is truly a first come first serve. At my son’s college, even with the kids having 4 separate rooms, the rooms are differently priced. A kid in the bigger room pays more. They found out by accident. The girl with the boyfriend may not be in her “assigned” room.</p>
<p>What has to be done is that all of the girls have to go to the RA together and explain the situation if the boyfriend is staying there ALL of the time. Or they have to just tolerate it. Unless there is consensus or the college has a rule on this, there isn’t much that can be done. THis sort of situation has led to all sorts of problems to a number of families we know. </p>
<p>It’s a problem even with a room of one’s own when in an apartment or suite situation, someone has a constant companion that is practically live-in status who is not desirable. My friend DD’s roommate took up with a gangster type guy AND his friends which made her feel very uncomfortable, to put it mildy and unsafe. It did accelerate in danger as the boyfriend did become threatening and it was a very bad situation that caused a semester sit out for the daughter all because of an unfortunate boyfriend choice of her roommate. It doesn’t usually go that far, but yes it can. THere was a thread here where a student was unhappy that her roommates SO was a convicted felon with assault in the rap sheet and sexual assualt in the charges.</p>
<p>Three random nights per week is not ideal, but on the other hand they are not being sexiled, either. Just wait until another one of them gets a BF…</p>
<p>My son was not happy having to get a single this year because no one invited him into a space and that was what came up in the housing lottery for him. But his cousin is having suitemate problems and they have been accelerating, which I think is even worse. Problem roommates are very common on the college scene. </p>
<p>My other kids rented out houses with 5-6 of them in it together and there wasn’t a peep out of any of them But then, it seemed to me that every hobo and vagrant around campus also camped out there and none of them cared.</p>
<p>Consolation said: Just wait until another one of them gets a BF… </p>
<p>oh yeah ,then my neighbor’s daughter will have to get out the room as she shares the larger room with a roommate. Meanwhile the dictator will proceed with life as usual… Then the neighbor’s daughter will come running to her mother I guess. I wonder if boys run into the same nonsense?- Do they have to get out the room cause the roommate has a girlfriend over?. I am sure it has happened…just somehow occurs less with male roomates? It has been a long time since I attended college :)</p>
<p>Sorry Harvest I guess this thread won’t die</p>
<p>songman, in general, in my experience girls come running to the 'rents more, starting at about age 4. </p>
<p>Of course, your neighbor’s D might be the one with the BF. :)</p>
<p>Follow up- second year- So the neighbor’s daughter did not have the nerve to find another roomate. However ,the other roommate that was offended by the dictator checked out and found other roomates. Therefore ,many of the CC posters were correct (as usual :)…) that in the case of my neighbors daughter if she doesn;t speak up she continues to suffer. And so this year while the dictator ditched the free loading boyfriend she likes parties that start at 11 p.m. The daughter cintinues to complain to her mom , just not as much I am told and so there you have it! Someone mentioned the stockholm syndrome? Looks like it!</p>
<p>Oy vey. She is STILL living with this girl? At this point I’d wonder whether she is addicted to the other girl’s ability to bring some life into her life, having no life of her own. :)</p>
<p>Here’s my advice for the daughter: Quit your whining, because you apparently like complaining about this situation more than you would like it to be resolved.</p>
<p>Carp she might as well marry her at this point.</p>
<p>Consolation: Never thought of that…a strong possibility.</p>
<p>Print out this whole thread. Address it to the girl and her boyfriend. Put it in an envelope, put on a stamp or two and send it.</p>
<p>The neighbor’s daughter is obviously book-smart if she is at a college covered with all those green vines, but she seems woefully lacking in self-advocacy and negotiating skills. If I were her mom I would have gotten fed up with the whining a long time ago.</p>
<p>In my experience this kind of thing is usually encouraged by the parent.</p>
<p>Ugh. I cannot imagine leaving this unresolved for so long. Or wasting my money (presumably) for my child to be in a miserable living situation that could detract from her focus on learning.</p>
<p>You would probably strategize with your kid, offer coaching if necessary, and eventually tell your kid to, er, fish or cut bait. (I was thinking of a less polite term. 
) Obviously this mother has no problem with her D’s ceaseless whining and inability to deal with anything in a mature manner.</p>
<p>Actually after the terrible experience the first daughter had with the same type of situation (and Mom was involved) the mother decided to let the daughter deal with it. She was hoping the daughter would get fed up like the other roommate did and seek out other options.</p>
<p>I’m sorry, I was undoubtedly being unfair to the poor woman. After the horrendous experience the first time, she may have been understandably reluctant to give this D the amount of coaching/encouragement she needed to get off the dime. </p>
<p>Or perhaps this D just likes to dramatize things. (In order to keep up with the Joneses? A weird form of sibling rivalry! ) I would tend to think that if the D were truly unhappy with the situation, she would not be living with this person for a second year. I think I’m sticking with my in-thrall-to-a-charismatic-personality theory. :)</p>
<p>Anyone care to read a follow up? My neighbors daughter is now a junior at the same college. Very happy with the college, but never resolved roommate issues. She basically outlived the offending roommate who partied too hard and left school after freshman year. Then the daughter and remaining roommate (who left all the tough talk up to the daughter of my neighbor) continued to live together and deal with a new less offensive roommate, but still a bad actor type. Again they complained to parents, but did nothing. This year they are roommates again and will obtain a new unknown roommate. Apparently the daughter has not learned much as she was happy to complain to her mother, but her mother as well as older daughter (sister who went through same stuff in her college days) suggested she deal with these issues and bring them to the RA. She never did. Speaking up and asserting your rights in a responsible manner is not the same as being a complainer. She does not see the distinction her mother said. So the daughter has to grow up- period. Which is what many of my fellow CC posters stated. </p>
<p>There you have it!</p>