So I started dating a guy a few months ago and we usually spend saturdays in my dorm room (our room has a big living room area and then a bedroom that the 3 of us share, unfortunately with no door but still a good division between rooms). Roommate 1 and I have never really been friends but now she seems to intensely dislike me, can’t seem to stand being in the room with me. Our one conflict last semester we resolved with setting an 11pm curfew for having guests over on weeknights, which I have only broken once or twice. Last night I asked R1 to shoot me a text when she was heading back to the room so she didn’t walk in on us like she almost did a couple weeks ago. She has decided now that she will not be sending me warnings when she is coming back and that if I want to get physical with my boyfriend (which she assumes is the only thing we do together) that we just need to go elsewhere. She claims him being over makes her uncomfortable because we basically take over the living room and are too affectionate (cuddles and the occasional kiss when someone else is here, sorry that my happy is too loud), she is also the one who originally said he couldn’t stay over in the bedroom which is why we now spend our time in the living room. It honestly seems like her problem is with me, because when our other roommate (R2) had a guy over in the bedroom getting physical while we were both in the other room she just laughed about it. My boyfriend, on a typical week, is only over one day/evening, and he has spent the night this semester 3 or 4 times in total. I’ve tried to explain that the majority of our time spent together is watching netflix and talking, that being physical is a minimal part and I just like getting heads up when she’s coming back, like R2 does for me to avoid awkward situations and that I don’t care when she’s back in the room because it’s not like we’re constantly humping like dogs, we’re just hanging out. I just have no clue how to deal with this situation.
Go to his place or get a hotel room. A triple is not very conducive to intimate get togethers with your partner. Your displays of affection are making yor roommate uncomfortable. Do it someplace else.
Your roommate has every right to come and go as she pleases to her room. She should not have to text you to give you a heads up that she is coming home.
I don’t care when she comes back, I just want us to be fully clothed when she does get back. But if she just wants to walk in on us I don’t care anymore, it’s her problem.
Check out how much extra a single is in your dorm and you and your bf split the cost for the rest of the semester. This is your problem and issue, not your roommate’s. She doesn’t have to give you a heads up and she does have a right not to have someone not in her agreement in the room - even if you are just watching Netflix.
Hmmmmm.
If I’m not allowed to have a guest over to watch netflix then she and my other roommate shouldn’t be allowed to have guests over either, platonic or romantic. She doesn’t get to just place restrictions on me. I’m going to have to tough it out for the rest of the semester because I definitely cannot afford to move to a single. Hopefully I can get a single next year though.
^Tend to agree with the above. Maybe your roommate doesn’t have a problem with you per se, but she singles you out because your interactions with your boyfriend are more annoying/disruptive than the other roommate’s.
But to be realistic…you live in a triple. You say that you usually spend “Saturdays” in your dorm room. Is that every Saturday, or most of them? And is that all day? Because I could see how that could be annoying. I just want to wake up at 11 and hang around in my sweats or pajamas in my own living room, but I can’t because my roommate and her boyfriend are spending the entire day in there. I can’t even really enjoy myself in the bedroom because there’s no door and I can see them. And he’s spent the night 3-4 times this semester already? The semester just started! Even if I assume your semester began in early January and it’s been 7 weeks, that means he’s stayed overnight once every other week and he’s also there all day once a week. That’s too much. You acknowledge that there is a curfew for guests…and also that you broke it. “Only once or twice” is still more than zero, which means that you are not abiding by the agreement that you set up with your roommates.
Also, sometimes people who are in couples don’t realize how much their presence can really take up a whole space. You may say that the only thing you are doing in the living room is watching Netflix and talking, but if the two of you are in there snuggling and kissing and talking, it may seem intrusive or uncomfortable to sit in there with you (not to mention that no one else can use the TV to do anything else). So your roommate may feel like she’s blocked from using her own living room on Saturdays pretty much. Your post is also flippant about the effect that your public displays of affection have on others (“sorry that my happy is too loud.”) This is not about the haters trying to get in the way of your love; this is about the fact that your roommates do have a right not to witness you snuggling and snogging in the living room all day Saturday.
And the wording of your post seems to assume that the onus is on your roommates to avoid interrupting you and your boyfriend in a space that the three of you all share. That’s not their responsibility! It would be a courtesy for them to text you before they return. I can only imagine how annoying it would be to have to send a text every time I wanted to head back to my OWN living space.
In this case…I agree with your roommates. You live in a shared space. If you want to get physical with your boyfriend, go do it somewhere else. And even if you don’t want to get physical, have him over less, and for shorter periods of time. And don’t expect your roommate to give you a heads up when she is returning to the space she shares equally with you.
And we stay PG when others are in the room. When her boyfriend visits they kiss with others in the room so I should have the same freedom, or at least be allowed to cuddle.
Sorry @kenkin5145, you’re the inconsiderate roommate here. Why can’t you go to his place?
Can’t you just hang out at his place? I’d be annoyed too if my roommate took over the living room every Saturday.
Your comment is even more evidence that this isn’t about the occasional kiss, rather the frequency or intensity of it.
First of all, why should anyone need to kiss or cuddle their boyfriends with others in the room? I understand the frustrations of communal living in college but generally speaking, when couples hang out with other people around, there’s not necessarily a need to engage in a lot of public affection.
Secondly, though, if your roommates are fine with each other doing it and not with you, that likely points to something that YOU are doing that makes it qualitatively worse.
His dorm is literally one room, and he also has a roommate. She doesn’t normally spend the day in the room anyways and also has guest over throughout the week that I have to deal with living around. I just don’t understand the double standard between her having guests over talking loudly in the room and me watching netflix and talking with my boyfriend. The problem is the double standard
Also about the comment about the television. She rarely uses it anyways and it is my property.
Spending saturdays here is usually afternoon/evening, and on the typical saturday she’s out all day and then goes out at night
“His dorm is literally one room, and he also has a roommate.”
Why can’t you sit on the bed (or couch if there is one there) in his room to watch netflix?
The occasional kiss is the same she does with her boyfriend when he visits, there isn’t an added layer of “intensity”
And if people care about me breaking the 11pm curfew, both my roommates were gone until past midnight those nights. And no it wasn’t because he was over before you say that, they just do homework late at the library a few nights a week
^^^Is she going out all day and night because you’re making her uncomfortable in her own home?
His bed is lofted way up there to the point where you can’t even sit up and they don’t have room for a couch because his roommates bed isn’t lofted