<p>Maybe if all the roommate’s Dads came to visit and stayed for a week he’d leave lol
Then the dictator & her mom would call housing so fast everyone’s head would spin!</p>
<p>If the girls are too scared to go up the appropriate reporting chain (roommate, RA, dorm head or other res. life person), I as a parent would call the Dean/Administrator in charge of Residence Life myself. The school needs to know, and will indeed take action.</p>
<p>This is something that is beyond the authority of an RA. I would go right to the director of housing, with the roommates and let them know what is going on. My guess is that the boyfriend will get into trouble, legal possibly, and the girlfriend will get kicked out of school–at least I hope so.</p>
<p>“They need to speak to the offending roommate and if that goes nowhere, they need to speak to the RA. Anything else would be allowing themselves to be taken advantage of.”</p>
<p>Agreed. Some crazy retribution like property destruction could occur whether the student or the parent brings it up with the school. The students not wanting to speak to the RA/housing office sounds like a fear of confrontation, not a fear of retribution. Unless they have some credible reason to believe that they are in physical danger from the roommate and bf, they should make the complaint themselves (with coaching and support from home). It’s very good practice for adult life.</p>
<p>At a minimum, I would be unwilling to listen to complaints about the roommate if the child wouldn’t act to fix the problem. This is a common problem that can be addressed with very simple steps.</p>
<p>Definitely check the housing information - my oldest son’s school (and I admit I haven’t checked #2) had a firm no more than a 3-day visit by “outsiders.” If there is something in the housing regs about ‘guests’ then the girls can comfortably approach the roommate and tell her “no more.” If not, then I agree the girls should approach before they go to the RA…take it up the ladder of command, but the RA will expect that the girls have talked first.</p>
<p>I’m confused. Is this boy a student at the school? Does he have his own room?</p>
<p>I could be wrong, but I’ve never heard of a school which does not require guests to sign in if they are going to stay and which does not limit the number of days in a row a guest can stay as well as the number of days a roommate can even have guests at all over a term.</p>
<p>but, and this much is clear, unless all roommates are in agreement, I’m positive no school allows opposite sex guests to stay. In other words, even if the school says this young woman can have a guest for 3 days, unless the roommates agreee, she can’t have a guest stay.</p>
<p>Good luck. Looking back to when my daughter was a first year compared to now I really see the way they learn to communicate with roommates about what is and is not okay to be a good growth experience. even the best of friends roommates living off campus have the occaisonal disagreement about who is not doing enough of whatever, or guests staying in the apartment if they are creepy. etc.</p>
<p>Either way, it’s important to learn to speak rationally about what is and is not okay, and to request what it is that you want or need. Sometimes you get it, other times not, but keeping silent, stewing and discussing it with people (the roommates and parents) who can’t change anything isn’t going to change anything. She has to learn to go to the people who can change things: the roommmate, the housing authorities.</p>
<p>I really like the idea of all the dads heading over for an extended stay. Brilliant idea.</p>
<p>When my daughter was a freshman, some very odd stuff was going on in an eight- woman suite. My introvert just couldn’t deal with it. I called the building director who told me that DD should speak up for herself. I said that was well and good, but I thought the situation was a liability that the university probably would rather not have. </p>
<p>The OPs situation is also a liability.</p>
<p>It is actually a good idea for a parent to show up, may it be a dad or mom. I could totally do it. I would show up when the boy is there and just start acting like some lunatic, get the RA in the room, call the housing director, and have my kid just say, “Well, my mom is kind of crazy. You really don’t want to get her mad. So sorry.” I would then Skype my kid randomly so I could make sure the boy is not there any more.</p>
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<p>Me, too. It sounds like fun. And I would look at him in disbelief, “What, you are living here? Not anymore! Here’s your hat, what’s your hurry?” And I would give the mom glare until he hightailed it out of there. And if the mom glare failed, I would go way up the ladder to find the right person to give him the boot. </p>
<p>A mom can dream…</p>
<p>This situation can be solved, but the three roommates needs to sit down and discuss issues with the “roommate from hell”. </p>
<p>1st----the 3 girls need to confront the 4th roommate as a unit. They should remain calm and firm during the conversation. Give the 4th roommate 24 hours to get the boyfriend out of the room. Let her know if the boyfriend isn’t gone, they will go to the director of housing and inform them of the situation.</p>
<p>2nd–If the roommate doesn’t get rid of the boyfriend within 24 hours, follow through and go directly to the director of housing and report that the non-student boyfriend has moved into the suite.</p>
<p>3rd–If nothing is resolved after reporting the issue, let the security department know that a nonstudent male will not leave the female suite.</p>
<p>4th–If the problem still isn’t resolved, then call in the Dad’s to make a surprise visit.</p>
<p>The 3 girls need to stick together and follow through with the process to get this guy out of their suite. They shouldn’t worry one bit about what the “roommate from hell” thinks. It’s 3 against 1. If the “roommate from hell” doesn’t like the fact that her boyfriend can’t live with her in the suite, she can move.</p>
<p>PS–The girls should keep a paper trail detailing each step in the process.</p>
<p>Paper trails and take some photos too.</p>
<p>slipjib and oldfort…I could so easily do that --and have fun doing it 
the mom glare, the mom stare, the mom voice asking him to leave…now… tee hee…love the mom voice, i haven’t used it lately…could use a “situation” to stay in practice.</p>
<p>The roomate and BF requested the single, claiming it was a benefit for everyone that he would be out of sight that way, and not an inconvenience to everyone else. But he is not staying only in her room. That is the approach that should be used by the roommate. She has her single, and the other girls agreed to it so that they wouldn’t have to deal with the boyfriend - she is not living up to her part of the “contract.” </p>
<p>This is indeed a liability issue for the college. He is in the building without an escort when she is not there - the other girls did not volunteer to be his escort. Most likely he either has her key card to get in and out of the building, or he simply doesn’t leave without her. These girls are paying housing fees based on the number of people in their suite, but they’re being overcharged, and need to speak up.</p>
<p>If the daughter is still 17, I would call as the parent - I don’t give permission for this young man to stay in my daughter’s suite overnight, and she is still a minor. If she is 18, I would support her in first telling the roommate that this is not acceptable, and then escalating up through the RA to the professional staff. Meanwhile the girls need to take back what it theirs - the common areas of the suite. They should feel free to isolate him in her bedroom. They are paying for the common areas, and they can use them as they wish - he has no authority to say otherwise. </p>
<p>I agree with what others have said - mom is ok with this because she has not other choice, she taught her daughter to be a bully, and is not bullied by her. Either daughter wouldn’t go to college without the BF, or the BF was already living in mom’s house. Either way, the daughter is not likely to last long, but the other girls shouldn’t suffer in the meantime.</p>
<p>It might also be appropriate for the mother to call the Dean and explain the previous experience. I can undestand the daughter being apprehensive if her sister suffered retribution. Perhaps the Dean can suggest a plan of action for the daughter to take, and assure the mother that swift action will be taken - that if someone needs to be reassigned to a different room, the daughter will have the choice of whether to move, or have the other girl removed. If the other girl is moved, how likely are her new roommates to welcome the BF with open arms?</p>
<p>One thing seems odd to me here. How many freshman dorms have one single and other doubles in a one bath suite? That alone seems like a set up for difficulty between roommates. There’s no pay differential? I mean it seems like housing would be involved in the decision of which student pays extra for a single. Confused here.</p>
<p>^Hugcheck, it’s not uncommon in older Harvard freshmen dorms.</p>
<p>He is a squatter. I am pretty sure that is frowned upon.</p>
<h1>75 - Maybe the boy’s mom is telling everyone her son is at Harvard.</h1>
<p>My school doesn’t require sign ins. However, every door has a card swipe system. No card, no entry.</p>
<p>Imo, this has gone on long enough. If the RA is looking the other way, i’d go above them to the head of housing about the situation.</p>
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Don’t they already have an emotional issue right now due to the bullying of this roomie (who takes after her bullying mother)?</p>
<p>I agree with the poster who said they need to grow a collective backbone (or at least one or two individual ones) and have a discussion with the roomie and flat out tell her the BF staying there is unacceptable - period. The roomie can either comply with the directive (not a ‘request’ or ‘suggestion’) or the next step will be to involve the RA and then head up the chain from there.</p>
<p>They might want to check the school policy on the point first to have some armament. I’d be very surprised if they don’t have one indicating there can be no permanent guests. This is likely spelled out in the housing contract which all the roomies signed. Even if it’s not spelled out they should confront the roomie on this and tell her the BF is unacceptable.</p>
<p>On the RA - it’s not up to the RA to magically know what’s going on in each room. If there’s an issue to be presented to the RA then the students need to do initiate it. The RA will likely suggest they try to work it out among themselves first.</p>
<p>The bottom line, this guy is staying there illegally and needs to be kicked out. Essentially, all of the roomies are paying to permit him to live there for free and while he’s there he presents an awkward situation for all of them at best and possibly a dangerous one as well (how many freshman girls want some random guy living in their room with them?). The girl and her mother are pushy bullies but she can’t be if the other roomies don’t roll over and permit it.</p>
<p>It’s time for them to stand up for themselves and quit worrying about hurting someone’s feelings (someone who clearly doesn’t care one bit about them) or any retributions. they need to understand there’s power in numbers so ideally they’ll call a room meeting (insisting the BF be out of the room during it) and lay down the law to this girl.</p>
<p>There’s something wrong with the girl’s mother who is advocating this BF living with her D. I think another poster might have been right in that the BF was likely living with the girl at the mother’s house before she moved to the dorm. There are some irresponsible parents out there.</p>
<p>Wow, I can’t wait to hear how this turns out!</p>