Advice please-Roommate from hell- already!

<p>Seahorsesrock - you are absolutely correct. Negotiation is out of the question at this point. This is not the “currency” these types of people trade in. IMO the conduct of this girl and her mother is the height of ignorance. Approaching this with decency or a willingness to meet them halfway will be lost on them. It will be interpreted as weakness. Just make the call - the rest will be taken of for you by the school’s administration.</p>

<p>There is no negotiation here. Dude has to go and he has to go now. I think there is some question about the roommate too. If she has violated her housing contract could the school ask her to find different arrangements.</p>

<p>I know that when I was in college it would have been easy to have a guest for more than a few days. It was commonplace for boyfriends and girlfriends (generally fellow students) to move into suites where a student had a single (non walk-through) bedroom within the suite. We only complained if our friends were too noisy. That’s why like Consolation, I think the roommates may not want to forbid boyfriends all together. But clearly having an extra unpaying roommate is unacceptable.</p>

<p>I really don’t understand why some parents on this board don’t think the first step is to talk to the roommate. As far as the offender knows all her roommates have no problem with the live-in boyfriend, after all they haven’t said a peep.</p>

<p>My first roomie did bring a cat and 2 kittens to our small double. It was against the rules, housekeepers wouldn’t come near our room, roomie didn’t do a great job with the litterbox. I was not a person who could confront anything like this at age 17. I just chose another roommate ASAP.</p>

<p>Apologies if this is a duplicate comment as I havnt read all 164 posts, but how in te heck is this squater getting in/out of the building without a key or access card/ And what about meals? Is the gf stealing extra food from the cafeteria too?</p>

<p>Hopefully the roommies have gone to the RA and gotten this slacker evicted.</p>

<p>UPDATE- Apparently someone spoke to the dictator roommate or the freeloading guest as the boyfriend is only staying a few days during the week and is staying on weekends. I guess the dictator realized by the cold shoulder she received from the roommates that she had gone overboard? Or maybe the RA noticed what was going on? Or one of the roomies spoke to the RA ? So they reduced the time the freeloader visits. The neighbor has not spoken to the school. Nor did the daughter meet with roommates to deal with the situation. So now the mystery is what motivated the change? Maybe the issue will be resolved when the dictator meets some other guy at college? I wish I had a more definitive answer for my fellow CC posters. I honestly thought the neighbor would take some of the worthwhile advice provided here and act immediately, but I did not factor in the after effect of the intervention the mother and oldest daughter experienced. More importantly, that the younger sister was affected by that incident and so is afraid to speak up. The neighbor said” thank you” to all the CC posters and said she hopes the issue will resolve easily but if it does not, she is going to speak the school authorities.</p>

<p>Has anyone looked on the college website to see what the rules are about non enrolled individuals living in the dorms? Because whether its a few dayw a week plus weekends or all the time, it really seems that this freeloader is living there and its got to be against policy. There might be repurcussions for the girl too.</p>

<p>

Few days during the week = 2 days
weekend = Fri-Sun = 3 nights
Total 5 nights. Really?!!!</p>

<p>“only”!!!</p>

<p>Yikes the manual is 110 pages long- I found the section- The College allows a 3 day visit but no more than three consecutive nights. HA! So my wife just found out from the neighbor that the dictator girlfriend is not much of a dictator now. The daughter likes her now- go figure-Stockholm syndrome? HA! My wife went out to pick some weeds as the neighbor is outside. I have to laugh as my wife just said "you know we are obligated to the CC gang to get some answers here " how is that for a rationalization for being nosey neighbors ?</p>

<p>oldfort- I agree the whole thing is ridiculous…I have no proof but think now the dictator knows she has gone too far and now she is getting the roommates to lighten up by being friendly before they report the freeloader. ooooh stay tuned my wife is grilling the neighbor :)</p>

<p>If the freeloader is found to be violating the rules of visitation, he could be banned from campus. Has anyone mentioned this to the roommie? This needs to be nipped in the bud NOW. He might be considered engaging in theft of services.</p>

<p>Ok it is not quite what the neighbor thought. Something changed and the roommate with the boyfriend went home for the weekend to see the boyfriend!!! See him? He has been there most of the week!!! Yes that is right. Why would she do that? Well it seems the neighbor Mom was misinformed by her daughter as the mother of the dictator girl thought the boyfriend might stay for a night, but explicitly told the daughter he is not to visit and hang out there. And the dictator’s mom did not say “my daughter needs a single because she has a boyfriend that will visit” The dictator hatched that plan and said her mother knows all about it. So I received incorrect info when I wrote that the mother of the dictator seemed to advocate all of this. The dictator told the other roomies this that “my mother would have my head if she knew my boyfriend was staying here”… and thus she decided to go home for the weekend to give the appearance that she misses the boyfriend and all. More pieces of the puzzle are coming together. It seems the rooms do not have a common area and the boyfriend has to pass through the daughter’s room to get to the single room. What kind of setup is that? This is an old college dorm so in the days when girls had only girl guests in their rooms and boys had only boy guests this probably worked out. Not today!</p>

<p>The neighbor is going to visit the school next week to talk to someone in housing and RA’s- I think she has an appointment. Meanwhile her daughter admitted she is alone in her battle to get the dictator to adhere to the rules yet likes the dictator girl also…yikes Kids! Now here is the missing piece- the other roommate is very friendly with the dictator girl and they hang out (when the boyfriend is not around) and corresponded right away upon acceptance to the college on facebook, etc. (one of the negatives to facebook?) and the day of orientation they teamed up so the dictator had an ally from the beginning in her scheme to sneak the boyfriend into the dorm. Some of you thought this might be the case? So apparently no one has spoken to the dictator but instead she decided to lighten up otherwise her mother would find out? Meanwhile where are the RA’s or dorm security? There must be a story behind that also I am sure.</p>

<p>The guy is walking through the other girls’ room at will 3-5 days/nights a week?
And they still can’t speak up with their concerns about that? So they basically can’t even change clothes in their own bedroom because they never know when that guy will walk in? </p>

<p>Oh, hell no! </p>

<p>All roomies in the suite agreeing in advance about someone staying for “visits” is one thing. If they haven’t already made a written room contract together, it’s way past time. If one roomie doesn’t agree, then it’s not an acceptable suite agreement. The school’s “guest policy” is a limit of 3 days at a time. The roomies need to decide how often they can stand having a 3-day-at-a-time guest visiting. Twice weekly “2 or 3 day visits” is an over-the-top request for any roommate at any college to make, especially if the visitor accesses his designated sleeping area by walking through the other girls’ room at all hours of the day or night.</p>

<p>I agree, woody. They MUST talk about this! So what if the couple are technically obeying the rules: if even one of the others is uncomfortable, something has to change. At the very least, they could switch rooms so the “single” girls don’t have to worry about the guy coming through their room. I don’t think that is adequate, but I do think it would help. And frankly, it would make the situation of the couple less cushy and they might find it less pleasant to be there. Which would be a good thing.</p>

<p>Welcome students to freshman class “Doormat 101” where you learn to knuckle under to the most outrageous whims inflicted upon you by every boorish fool you will encounter in life.</p>

<p>The only way to pass the course is to grow a spine.</p>

<p>This thread is ridiculous.</p>

<p>Oh please…a few days during the week AND on weekends is MOST of the time. This boyfriend is a freeloading squatter and in my opinion should NOT be using this dorm as his primary residence. </p>

<p>Having said that…I’m not paying the student bills and I’m not one of the students. I still say they are being taken advantage of. This freeloader is NOT a student and needs to find his own primary lodging.</p>

<p>Well, at least that explains why everybody isn’t complaining. He’s not walking through THEIR rooms so they don’t worry about him. Maybe don’t even see him much. And if they like the dictator, they probably think he’s okay too. Still, not acceptable.</p>

<p>Rhumbob - Too Funny!!</p>

<p>Songman…this comment from your wife to your neighbor is priceless!</p>

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