<p>"Each roommate (randomly, separately, daily) takes photos of him with her cell phone. If he asks why, each girl says, “No reason…I just want to remember my freshman year.” "
Too funny!! Atomom, you crack me up!</p>
<p>Consolation -Wellesley’s set-up where upperclasswomen mostly have singles casts a whole different light on things. I can easily see a bf being able to live with a girl there in a way not typical in a dorm that has doubles, triples and suites. I also think W’s dorms in general are far more spacious than most (thus others arent tripping over the bf). I would not extrapolate them to most colleges at all.</p>
<p>Why doesn’t the parent (neighbor) of the OP just make an anonymous call to student housing? I don’t see what the big deal is on how to get rid of the squatter. If he comes back for an extended time, another call.</p>
<p>It’s nice and all to have the girls try to resolve it themselves, learn to be assertive to their housing rights etc, but the more important thing is to get rid of him ASAP!</p>
<p>I like Atomom’s suggestions! I would think it would be fairly simple for each of the girls in the suite to recruit a couple of guys from one of her classes and ask them to come and hang out in the suite for the next couple of days. If asked, each girl can say that she is in some kind of group relationship with several of them. Maybe she could ask the guys to make a point of dropping in after they’ve worked out but before they have showered. They should make sure to have at least one of them hang out there while drunk and vomit somewhere in the suite. I’m thiking that if the whole place was full of smelly. hairy guys for an extended period of time, maybe that would force the annoying roommate to do something about it.</p>
<p>Call campus police and report a strange male in the room. Every roommate. Every day.</p>
<p>I love Atomom’s list.</p>
<p>I see why this keeps happening to this family – because no one will stand up for themselves.</p>
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<p>No. How silly to come up with some kind of “game” and hope that after playing this game for x amount of time, other people will see the error of their ways. That’s not problem-solving nor assertion; that’s passive-aggressive and lame.</p>
<p>I think that was a joke. How many posts does it take to make the point that if the girls really want it to stop they just need to make a phone call. I don’t think any college would allow long-term freeloading if they were aware of it.</p>
<p>Thanks to all- I had no idea that this post would generate such responses!! I have not seen the usual names that I blogged with back in 2000 to 2006 but it is good to know that many of the CC bloggers are still caring, sensitive people. I especially enjoyed the comical approach to solving this problem. It is an eye opener to read the various ways people approach problems.
Of course there are other factors here as to why the Mother has not acted yet on the daughter’s behalf. Why the daughter is on the one hand saying in a cavalier manner “can you believe this nonsense Mom” then pestering the mother for attention (possibly?)- Freshman year away from home, etc.
I have known the daughter as a neighbor since she was a baby and as far as I can tell she is an honest hard working student and a good kid. The over the fence conversations with the mother (single mom- the father is not involved) and with my wife have revealed that both daughters have been very dependent on the mother since the divorce (4 years ago) to solve their problems no matter how small or trivial they are… I think the mother after “blowing up” her oldest DTR’s first year is reluctant to do the same for the younger DTR. Plus the mother has taken some of the CC advice I provided to heart and feels the daughter should rally the other roommates first and try to deal with the issue straight on with the dictator roommate.
To those that think this story could not possibly be true my response that you do not believe in statistical probability? Outliers a term in stats that indicates a point in a sample widely separated from the main cluster of points in the sample. Thus a low probability of occurrence yet occurs nonetheless. This is what we have here. I have no reason to believe the mother is making this story up. The daughter might be exaggerating and soon we will find out.
My old CC bloggers from back in 2000-2006 can attest to my honesty and earnest approach to posting.</p>
<p>I can (perhaps) understand the OP’s neighbor “mulling it over”, if that’s her personality/pattern. But, I’m having trouble with the fact that the families of ALL the suitemates are doing the same. Surely the other suitemates have relayed this information to THEIR parents. And NOBODY’s intervened yet?</p>
<p>I don’t know if the other parents know, but that is a good question. Sorry to appear cryptic I hope to learn more this weekend.</p>
<p>songman, it certainly never crossed MY mind that you were lying. 
Whether the neighbor is getting the whole story from her D or giving you the whole story is another matter. And of course, even if the D is telling the truth as she perceives it, everyone else might not agree. It is hard to imagine that with so many roommates not one of them would say anything to the couple.</p>
<p>PG, I think I said earlier that the fact that my friend had a single made a big difference. But many people have claimed that all colleges have such stringent oversight that no way no how would anyone ever have a guest for more than 3 days. I just don’t think that is true. And I think that the mindset that one can and should make unilateral decisions, wave a rule book, run to the authorities without making any attempt to deal with disagreements oneself, and never negotiate with anyone is unrealistic.</p>
<p>What is there to negotiate in this circumstance? Deciding if he can live there three or fourndays a week? This isn’t who cleans the bathroom and when, or who drank my beer, it’s about a dude living in a girls suite who is paying nothing and invading. That’s a non negotiable circumstance in my opinion.</p>
<p>It’s not like he’s coming to visit every other weekend.</p>
<p>Seahorsesrock – You are absolutely right. Non-negotiable. What if a girl decided to move her brother or father in to live? Or a senior citizen who can’t live alone and needs a place to stay? Or a homeless woman who otherwise would be on the street? Would that be something to negotiate? Why in the world should a romantic/sexual relationship make it any more a matter of negotiation? If they want to live together, they should get an apartment.</p>
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<p>It was in every college I’ve attended/visited. </p>
<p>I’ve actually known of some undergrads/acquaintances who were not only disciplined by the college, but also in some cases…booted out of university housing or even suspended/expelled due to extremely serious/repeated offenses arising from allowing non-university affiliate guests to stay beyond the 3-day limit.</p>
<p>I strongly agree with you seahorse</p>
<p>I think you misunderstand what I mean by “negotiate.” It’s not the presence of this boyfriend that needs to be negotiated, per se. Clearly, having someone living permanently in the suite is going to be a no go. It’s the presence of ANY BF or GF going forward. </p>
<p>It is easy to posture about this from a distance. In real life, people who share living quarters have to come to an agreement about some things, and one of those things is guests.</p>
<p>All I can say, cobrat, is that times must have changed! :)</p>
<p>You’ve gotten some great advice so far.</p>
<p>As a fellow student who at one point lived in the dorms I can attest not all roommates are willing to speak up. When I had suggested switching my side of the room around my roommate told me via a facebook status that she was frustrated no mention of this when we talked, and she wasn’t getting it. I was hurt, and equally frustrated she didn’t see my concerns. From that point on we hardly spoke, it was just pure silence in our room. I suggest speaking up when needed.</p>
<p>So in that respect I would highly suggest all roommates discuss this with the “dictator” without her boyfriend. If they want to feel more comfortable invite the RA to moderate it.</p>
<p>Now as a former employee at a res life building here are some tips. Whenever parent(s) called I normally talked to them first. I would ask if their student has talked with the RA if not that is the first step. I suggest inviting the RA to the discussion with roommate. If they did talk with RA already, then notify the hall director. The hall director would then set up a meeting between the roommates, and the RA would be present. If something still isn’t resolved the hall director would discuss with one of my bosses about it. At this point the student can also contact us if needed. I would schedule an appointment for the student to meet with the hall director, RA, and one of my bosses. </p>
<p>My bosses preferred students calling us rather then parents, but under the right conditions my bosses would allow the parent to be involved. For instance a roommate was attacking the other, and the parent was afraid for her daughter life. In this case an immediate transfer to my boss was done with the girl receiving an emergency room switch. There was documentation on students end (pictures, RA reports, and hall director reports) I believe the attacking roommate had to undergo a psych evaluation before returning to the dorms. Then again if the parents made a big enough stink about whatever the issue was then my boss would handle it. </p>
<p>I would recommend the roommates try to get evidence. Maybe record their conversations with the “dictator”? They could also try to get pictures with the guy in the background, or something. Their facebook conversations would also be helpful. I would like to think that with a few other girls complaining that it wouldn’t turn into a she said - she said type of deal but you never know. Seems like her mother may try to get involved if notified by “dictator” when the discussion with them all occurs.</p>
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<p>Check the laws of the state. Some states require consent of all participants for a recording to not violate privacy laws.</p>