<p>I worked very hard to get accepted to the college of my dreams, but after two years there I am worried about returning in the fall because a personal problem is beginning to ruin my time there and is leaving me feeling a bit unsafe. </p>
<p>I met a boy at a meeting for students who were interested in spending their junior year at a different school last fall, and he seemed friendly so I offered to answer any questions he had while applying to schools in the US (I go to school abroad). To make a long story short, his behavior towards me soon grew strange, and so after only three weeks of knowing him I decided to cut the aquaintance. I tried to be polite about it, but he didn't listen and since then I have flat-out told him many times that I want nothing to do with him and have asked him to leave me alone.</p>
<p>Since then, his behavior has escalated until I was honestly a bit afraid of running into him in person by the end of the school year. Some of what he does is harmless, albeit strange and unwanted: he found out my new number so he could continue to text me every three minutes, he writes me 8 page e-mails describing how we have a special connection and he knows that I feel the same way he does, he tries to track me down in person/waits outside my classrooms for me, etc. When I reject or ignore him, however, he grows extremely angry. The constant messaging completely changes in tone, he told me that he started trashing rooms and punching holes in walls when I refuse to meet up with him (I haven't seen him in person over three months ago when he began to physically trap me into conversations at school and so I started avoiding him), and at the end of the year he started using veiled threats about how compared to him I'm just a "small, tiny, little, vulnerable girl" and so he can make me do whatever he wants. </p>
<p>He's told me that he decided against studying abroad next year, and so I know that I'll be seeing him in the fall. I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried everything I can think of in my attempt to handle it on my own, from being downright mean in my refusals to completely ignoring him for three months, but there is rarely a day that goes by that he leaves me alone. I don't want to damage his reputation when he hasn't done anything downright wrong yet, but the people at school haven't been open to helping me in even small requests to change a class or two so I don't have to see him, or letting me block his e-mail address. Nevertheless, I love my school and have put a lot of effort into getting in and doing well there, and I definitely plan on returning in the fall despite feeling so uneasy about being an Atlantic Ocean away from everyone I'd normally turn to for help. However, his attention is interfering with my ability to enjoy college.</p>
<p>I guess what I want to know is this: Do you my unease is unwarranted and stupid? What do you think I should do when I go back next year? Thanks for reading, I know this is a long post.</p>
<p>Agreed. If he has threatened you, that’s really the only tack you can take. I would also send him a short email saying something like, “I am uncomfortable with the way you’ve been treating me and do not want you to contact me again.”</p>
<p>ETA</p>
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<p>This is “downright wrong” and you shouldn’t feel bad about reporting him.</p>
<p>As grapejuice said, he has already gotten well into “downright wrong territory.” He is stalking you, and you need to take a firm stance against this behavior without regard for his reputation, because he deserves no sympathy from you in light of his actions. Consider filing for a restraining order.</p>
<p>It’s time for you to talk to security and consider getting a restraining order imo. If the long-term stalking isn’t enough, the threats against your safety is definitively crossing the line into inappropriate and illegal behavior. I’m not saying that he will hurt you, but if it’s a possibility why take the risk? Besides, the leave me alone messages obviously aren’t working.</p>
<p>On that note also, I’ve heard that flat-out ignoring any contact is better than to keep telling him to stay away; for some people just any kind of communication will keep them going.</p>
<p>This is stalking and harassment. See [Stalking</a> Resource Center – National Center for Victims of Crime](<a href=“http://www.ncvc.org/src/main.aspx?dbID=DB_Register204]Stalking”>http://www.ncvc.org/src/main.aspx?dbID=DB_Register204) It’s well past worrying about damaging his reputation; you didn’t damage it, he did with his actions. You need to be assertive and handle this; it isn’t going to just go away on its own. Start by talking with a counselor at the school to get support, then call the local police department of the area where the school is located. Don’t wait for things to get worse before doing something; act now so they don’t get worse.</p>
<p>O, and post on the parents forum for this; they might be able to give you better advice as I’ve read a lot of their kids or they have dealt with this.</p>
<p>This is stalking. That’s a crime. Report it to campus security or the “real” police. You will need to have your complaints on record if, God forbid, you have to make a case against him in the future. Save all your emails and phone/text records, too.</p>
<p>ChloeD, besides the excellent advice that you’ve gotten so far, I just wanted to offer you my support. I know this whole thing must be pretty frightening. If you haven’t told your parents yet, I suggest that you do so. Also, if your school isn’t responsive to your concerns, then you should enlist your parents’ help, since schools sometimes take parents more seriously. </p>
<p>Please don’t feel hesitant to take action, since this kid sounds very unstable. I don’t know how long it takes to get a restraining order, but I hope for your sake that this issue is resolved before school starts in the fall. Something like this can really affect your confidence and mental well being, so you should definitely go talk to counseling if you think you need it.</p>
<p>It would definitely be a pity if you felt the need to transfer to a different school just because of this one person, so I encourage you and your parents to be as aggressive as possible in getting this resolved! (I, of course, don’t mean violence.)</p>
<p>Clearly he’s got a big weird crush on you that won’t go away. Like anyone has already said…REPORT HIM FOR STALKING YOU.</p>
<p>or…</p>
<p>Give up and become his friend again with some ground rules. Say something like “if u wanna hang out w/ me, you have to stop being so annoying. Stop blah blah blah and we will go back to the relationship we used to have when we 1st met.”</p>
<p>Please take seriously our advice that you’re being stalked, you’re in danger, and you need to let authorities know immediately, I know a young woman who was shot during her internship by another intern who was stalking her. Fortunately, she wasn’t killed, but she could have been killed. Don’t try to solve this problem yourself. The young man is disturbed, and the authorities need to take care of the situation. Also let your parents know.</p>
<p>Yes, that advice is horrible. The man sounds dangerous. She doesn’t need to offer to be friends with him, which probably would serve to encourage him to be more persistent. She needs to let the authorities know he is stalking her.</p>
<p>This sounds like a very serious situation. Please tell your parents about it. Tell everyone about it. The more people that know about it, the more people can be on the lookout for this guy. Tell the Dean and tell the campus security department. Keep records of every text message, email mail, and voice mail. Show the text messages to the Dean and to the campus security department. Report him ASAP. </p>
<p>Honestly, this is a serious enough situation that you may want to consider changing your plans for the fall and attend college here in the states.</p>
<p>Please do let the authorities, your school and even the American embassy know what’s going on.
I hope you are in a country where harassment is taking seriously.
Don’t try to solve it yourself.</p>