Dealing with a stalker during work study...

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>At the beginning of this school year a freshman (boy) that has some apparent mental challenges started to come to the Cultural Center where I work at my school. He always looks like he is zoned out and he always says random things during a conversation. For instance if he was asked how he was, he would say there are no muffins here?, I must find one.. As a receptionist/student assistant at the Cultural Center I try to be polite to everyone regardless of anyones weaknesses. He always carried a strange vibe and suddenly would frequently come into my job when ever I worked. I felt that was odd and annoying, but it never made me ready for such vulgar things he told me: Read below. </p>

<p>The first encounter happened at work too about 2 weeks ago. He came to the front desk and told me that he has an urge to grab the breast of every girl he sees on campus... then abruptly left..</p>

<p>Last week, (second encounter) I noticed him standing outside of the my job for about 2 minutes. He was not looking at me, but then after he came in through the open doors and walked toward the front desk. He stood there for a moment and then asked me what time I got off work. I simply said 1 o'clock and nothing more. Then abruptly walked down the hall way towards the computers. He came back to my desk and began to tell his speech (he was speaking loud): "When I was 12 years old I started to have perverted thoughts. I would go on the computer and look at pictures and try to print them...". I tried to cut him off to say, "I do not feel this is the appropriate place or time to talk about this." But he continued on while I was saying that, "I would poke out when I looked at the pictures, I like perverted pictures..." He then left the center after saying this.</p>

<p>I mentioned this instance with my boss and the dean of students. I was not told if the dean had addressed this issue with the boy. I didnt see the boy again until the weekend Saturday evening where I was working. At that moment I felt really uncomfortable, I was speaking with a co worker and he came up to me to interrupt me about how he has a gold fish...and then left. </p>

<p>Two days ago I had to work in the evening at an event on campus. He showed up an hour late (uninvited/unaware/ looked confused), but my co workers sensed my comfort was gone with his presence. So he was escorted out of the event by public safety guard and a staff memeber. He was told that I was very uncomfortable by him because of his comments, so he cannot be around me. I was told he wanted to apologize in person, but that was not necessary.</p>

<p>The next day he came to my job again....(I called for public safety at that moment)
He was trying to apologize for saying his experience to me and that his RAs thought it was funny and that he didn't think I would be offended by it. He also asked me for forgiveness...which I said nothing...(I couldn't)</p>

<p>My boss saw him and told him to leave and that the best thing he could do for me is to give me space.. He did not seem to understand..</p>

<p>The public safety officer then escorted him out of the building where they asked him what he had said to me... The boy told them that he never said anything inappropriate to me before... </p>

<p>What should I do about this....?? He is a student living on campus.. but obviously has some mental issues and obsessive problems... I am not comfortable seeing him at all because I have never been approached by a man who told me such vulgar things....</p>

2

<p>I think you should sit down and have a serious discussion with the school about what to do about this to protect you, as it seems their current plan of action isn’t sufficient. </p>

<p>You may also want to document everything he does and each time you alert the school about it. Guaranteed, something happens and they’ll throw their hands up and say “we had no idea.”</p>

3

<p>As a Mom and also as someone with a mentally ill family member I am very concerned for you. This guy is clearly very ill–not his fault but the results for you could be terrifying. DO NOT GO ANYWHERE ALONE! You must make your situation very clear to anyone in power. Insist that something be done and don’t let anyone just smooth it over. </p>

<p>The fact that he is revealing violent sexual thoughts to you is very serious and dangerous. This may be an instance where your parents should get involved. College officials are more likely to take notice if parents make some noise.</p>

<p>I am sure you need your job but it may be a good idea to stop showing up there for awhile since the guy knows he can always find you there. </p>

<p>Frankly, you would be doing this guy a favor by insisting that someone get help for him. Can you talk to someone in the student counseling center about having him evaluated? At least they will be on notice.</p>

4

<p>The moment he mentioned the “grabbing every breast on campus” thing, you should have reported it to the dean. That’s sexual harassment, whether you know it or not. I think you waited too long to report this as a problem, but that’s irrelevant now. It sounds like he has a high school mentality still. Anyway, I would just document the time, place, and date of every incident where he says vulgar things to you, and present it to your boss and the dean.</p>

5

<ol>
<li><p>Adjust your privacy settings on Facebook. Remove any info as to where you live on campus, telephone number, and your schedule.</p></li>
<li><p>Remove your address from the online student directory. I don’t know about your college but usually you sign on to BannerWeb or something similar to this.</p></li>
<li><p>Change your working hours if possible and make sure you are never at work alone.</p></li>
<li><p>Officially, file a report of stalking with the campus police. Ask them about the procedure for filing a restraining order. Send an email to the Dean explaining the situation. Be firm about your uneasiness about this person and your fear for your personal safety with this student’s presence on campus. Explain in detail every encounter you have had with him. Keep hard copies of all written communications.</p></li>
<li><p>Do not engage or talk with him. Don’t answer his questions. Don’t acknowledge him in any way. At the first sign of him, call campus security to have him removed. If possible, have a small recorder near your desk at work so you can record what he says (physical proof).</p></li>
<li><p>If your college fails to support you regarding this weirdo, have your parents call and mention that if something isn’t done to remove this person from the campus and to keep you safe, the media will be contacted. The last thing the college wants is for anything negative regarding their campus to be put into the media.</p></li>
<li><p>Carry pepper spray and know how to use it. Always carry your cell phone.</p></li>
</ol>

6

<p>It’s kind of interesting how you go into detail and explain why he is a stalker. I think you posted this not to know how to handle the situation but rather to confirm that he is an outcast from society.</p>

7

<p>Keep a record of every contact you have with him, every step you take to try to deal with him, and any response you get. Document things the way you’ve done here: describe specific behaviors and specific statements rather than judgements about his behavior like “acted scary.” Date everything. If someone else is there when something happens and witnesses whatever it is, make a note of that.</p>

<p>Stop responding to him at all. Actually, you may be interested in reading Gavin de Becker’s “The Gift of Fear.” But if what he wants is contact with you, then telling him to go away and stop bothering you is giving him exactly what he wants.</p>

<p>Ask your supervisor how you should handle this as an employee. What can you do in order to get your coworkers and supervisors to help you handle this, and are there any steps that employees should take in situations like this? (I had a coworker who was being stalked once; because it was a job at which there were always at least 2 people around we agreed that if anyone saw her she would go to an employees-only area of the job site and stay there until someone else came in and said he was gone.)</p>

<p>Look up your school’s harrassment policy in your student handbook. See what the procedure is there.</p>

<p>Talk to public safety about what they think you ought to do if he shows up.</p>

<p>Talk to the police (the city or county police, not the campus police) or a local victims’ advocacy organization about what they think you should do. Under what circumstances would it be appropriate for you to file a police report or ask for a restraining order?</p>

<p>And call 911 if at any point you think you’re in immediate danger.</p>

8

<p>File a stalking / harassment report.</p>

<p>If you or your family know any good lawyers, sue the sucker for harassment and get some cash out of it.</p>

<p>edit: If he gets too creepy, kick his ass in. At the risk of sounding sexist, you are a female and if you went under review by the school for assault, you’d get way more leniency because they’d see it (rightfully so) as a girl defending herself from a potentially dangerous male individual.</p>

9

<p>

What’s your problem? She’s just telling us the facts.</p>

10

<p>Um, please don’t do any opportunistic suing; this kid sounds genuinely mentally-ill and you’d only be causing his poor family more grief.</p>

<p>Other than that though, everyone’s advice here is sound. I’m not really sure he’s stalking you as just socially unaware and not realizing his apologies are making the situation worse. Can you just not be so visible at work for a bit? Another poster has a point as he knows that’s where he can find you, hence he’s going there.</p>

11

<p>You are being harassed and you fear for your safety. You need to go to campus police and file a report. You need to go to the local police and file a report. You need to have a meeting with the Dean of Students to put this problem on their radar. You need to tell the staff not to give out any information about your work schedule, personal life, routine because of this harassment. Agreed you are in possible danger and you need to keep your guard up. You don’t need to feel compassion for this man, he is a real threat to you. He should not approach you, his wanting to apologize to you is just his way of manipulating an encounter. No one should feel creeped out while doing a job or going about her daily life. Start demanding help from your school.</p>

12

<p>

</p>

<p>“Socially unaware”?? He’s sexually harassing her! It doesn’t matter if he’s “aware” of the frightening nature of his actions or not, what matters is they ARE frightening and inappropriate. Whatever mental issues this kid might have, they are not the OP’s responsibility.</p>

<p>OP, I agree with those who have told you to keep on guard. Have campus security escort you to your car (if you have one) and don’t go anywhere alone. Call security immediately if this guy shows up again.</p>

13

<p>Universities are very skittish about publicity surounding harassment of their students. Forward a copy of your original post, identifying yourself and send it to the Dean of Students and the Ombudsman- you are an employee/student of the university and need to have this situation being taken seriously by the administration and campus security now. Take care.</p>

14

<p>And if they don’t do nothing, raise hell. Tell the school paper, the local papers. If words get out your school is too negligent to take care of its students who are paying handsome amounts of money to it, they’ll quickly take care of the problem.</p>

15

<p>yeah, it’s still harassment, but it doesn’t mean I can’t feel any sympathy for those types of people. What if it was your obviously clueless child?</p>

<p>I could of course be wrong though; maybe he really is manipulating you. Regardless, complain, get support, etc. If you do end up going for a restraining order, can you just do it for your work? You don’t want to give him any additional information, like where you live. Someone help me out on this; I’m not sure how that works actually.</p>

16

<p>

</p>

<p>Exactly. She obviously knows what is going on…some weird guy is hitting on her and its making her feel uncomfortable. She’s already let the staff at her work know how she feels and contacted the school. What else is left but to post on a forum to confirm she did the right thing.</p>

17

<p>

If you read carefully, she said she let people know, but they didn’t seem to do anything/care as much as she would have liked. So, since she still felt uncomfortable, she asked others for advice.</p>

18

<p>Darko, I see where you’re coming from, but not only is she asking for advice, sometimes people in this situation can feel guilty. A little reassurance that she’s not the bad guy here doesn’t hurt. That isn’t to say a full out brigade should be launched against this guy, especially because he seems mentally ill, but she shouldn’t feel uncomfortable or guilty about taking action. If she were talking some guy who’s just awkward and otherwise a fine person, you’d have a valid point. This is a little more than that.</p>

19

<p>

</p>

<p>That is my point, she came here to find out if this guy is really in fact a weirdo.</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>she said she already told her boss and the dean of students which means she already knows how to handle the situation. </p>

<p>The whole post was how about the guy did this or that, not about how the authorities weren’t taking the correct action.</p>

<p>So yes to the OP, this guy is a sick weirdo and you should complain more to your boss/school in case he comes back.</p>

20

<p>I smell a ■■■■■. Either that, or someone genuinely incapable of compassion.</p>