Afraid to tell friends which college accepted to

Student Lounge African-American Students
1

<p>so,it's senior year and of course all the seniors are sharing their top colleges and I
am silent.
I refused to tell my friends where I was applying ( except for the local state school) nor have I shared news of any acceptances. I've told my friends that I'll tell them where I get in on March 30th, when decisions go out.
Why?
I don't want to get embroiled in an AA battlefield. I have friends who applied to Johns Hopkins and Cornell ( both schools that I've gotten likelies from) And I know, just know that if I tell my friends that I've gotten likelies there will be complaining (either in front of or behind my back) to the tune of "she didn't deserve to get in. I hate affirmative action."</p>

<p>So I never told my friends which schools I applied to. I pretended I was going to my local state u because, honestly, I have no idea how to feel about AA. Also, I had how people use AA degrade one's worth and abilities. I worked hard, very, hard to be where I am. And I would expect my friends to appreciate that but I know they won't
and that hurts.</p>

<p>But now that I've gotten likelies--I desperately want to tell my friends where I am going. I see one of my classmates wearing a sweatshirt from his/her favorite college and I long to yell out how excited I am to my friends about my "likely" acceptances.</p>

<p>But i don't.</p>

<p>Even worse, I've realized that even if I wait until March 30th to tell people where I have been accepted- I am simply delaying the inevitable. People will "probably" still tell me that I didn't deserve acceptance to where I have been accepted to.</p>

<p>So what do I do? Keep where I'm going to college a secret until graduation?</p>

2

<p>I went through the same thing when I was a senior. You just need to be proud of your accomplishments because I’m sure you worked hard for them. You earned it no matter what people think about you. I told my friends about my early writes and my eventual acceptances and it eventually got around the school (it was rather small). I’m sure that behind my back, people (even some of my so-called friends) were saying that I only got into these schools because I’m black. But I didn’t let it bother me. After all I was going to Yale in the fall and I had worked hard to earn that. I suggest you share your accomplishments with people you trust and just ignore people that are jealous of you. You’re almost done anyway.</p>

3

<p>Your real friends will be proud of you no matter what, mine were (but most of my friends are Black, African, and Hispanic anyway…I have some Asian friends but they’re supportive too lol)</p>

4

<p>“I pretended I was going to my local state u because, honestly, I have no idea how to feel about AA.”</p>

<p>It seem, to me, that this is the real issue.</p>

<hr>

<p>“I had how people use AA degrade one’s worth and abilities. I worked hard, very, hard to be where I am. And I would expect my friends to appreciate that but I know they won’t
and that hurts.”</p>

<p>Your White friends also worked hard, but b/c of AA, you will get a boost or benefit that they will not. The are understandably jealous. You, on the other hand, have to at least consider that w/o AA you might not have been as success full in the admissions game as you have been. There’s one sure-fire way to make sure no one down-grades you accomplishments b/c of AA - - don’t check the box. If you want the benefit and check the box, don’t pretend that you haven’t gotten an advantage.</p>

<hr>

<p>“You earned it no matter what people think about you.”</p>

<p>Yes, you earned your acceptances, but a diff standard was applied - - and most AA applicants wouldnt have been successful w/o AA. But URMs are not the only group to be judged by a diff standard: it’s easier for boys than girls, your chances at top LACs/unis are better from SC, Kansas, GA or Ark than from the tri-state area, legacies get a boost, if you’re an athlete you might get recruited, etc. All are valid, but they put those w/o a “hook” at a disadvantage. C’est la vie.</p>

<hr>

<p>“I only got into these schools because I’m black.”</p>

<p>Obviously not true, since Yale adcoms don’t just hand out “admit” letter to random black folk or random black applicants - - but being black was probably the dispositive factor, w/o which (ie: if you presented the same profile, but as a White applicant) you might not have been admitted. But so what - - the same is true for the recruited athlete, or half the males admitted to Vassar (or any other top school w/ a lop-sided gender ratio).</p>

5

<p>Don’t be a wimp, just tell them. Besides, it’s only Johns Hopkins and Cornell LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL</p>

6

<p>I feel the same way. I’m a Junior and I’m not the most brilliant student, but I do well. I haven’t even told anyone my SAT score, despite the persistent questioning. By the time I am a senior, and if I do manage to get accepted to a top school, I just don’t want to hear it. Like you, I know that I’ve worked SO hard and listening to someone degrade my achievements would crush me. But in the long run, as long as I know that I worked to the best of my abilities that’s all that matters. In my opinion, you should tell those that you feel comfortable with and be proud of your accomplishments. Reaching your goals in life is nothing to sulk over.</p>

<p>But anyway… CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR LIKELYS!! :)</p>

7

<p>n d–
Congratulations so much on your acceptances. ( I recall how deflated you were last summer after you did not get into a summer program you really wanted.)</p>

<p>There are always people who backbite–there is nothing you can do to stop it. So you do need to do what will make you happy, cuz nothing you do will make them happy. But I do think that mentioning the likelies will rub their nose in it a bit.</p>

<p>So I suggest that you wait until April 1, and wear your new school colors with pride and a huge smile.</p>

8

<p>“- - and most AA applicants wouldnt have been successful w/o AA.”</p>

<p>Wow foolishpleasure. That’s pretty strong. Do you mean the 800 or so AA’s successful with elite college admissions or AA applicant’s being successful at life in general? I come from a family of origin that favored HBCU’s. Did all the successful AA from HBCU’s get successsful becuase of AA? </p>

<p>OP, you are in a tough spot. Say it here if you can’t say it elsewhere!</p>

9

<p>Take it from me - in about two years, most of your current classmates will be no more than a distant memory - even some of your closest friends. My daughter is in her sophomore year at Washington University in St. Louis and she rarely speaks to any of the students she graduated with - including one that I thought was a very best friend.</p>

<p>Don’t worry about what they think - if you want to share your news, share it. If these schools didn’t think you could do the work, no matter your race, you wouldn’t have been accepted. Kids like my daughter and many others, have proven themselves worthy time and time again. The best way to overcome this mentality is to GRADUATE FROM COLLEGE! You won’t be getting any advantage based on your racial status when the professor starts handing out grades. Getting in was the EASY part.</p>

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<p>Tell them. Haters gonna hate. That’s just how it goes. People say things to make themselves feel better. I’m not sure that the people you’re describing are people you want to be friends with in the first place.</p>

11

<p>Hate the game not the player.</p>

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<p>“I know that I’ve worked SO hard and listening to someone degrade my achievements would crush me.”</p>

<p>But are they really degrading your achievements? AA gives you a boost, how is acknowledging that boost degrading? </p>

<p>When I entered college (elite top 15 LAC), the student with the lowest grades/SAT was a White girl whose father (a teacher) took a temp job in Nebraska just so his kids could get a geog advantage (rather than applpy from MA) - - and it worked. A friend from ME also acknowledges that being from a state w/ few applicants gave her a boost. </p>

<p>My own D, a stellar athlete, and was recruited by top schools - - she had choices her non-sports classmates did not. To acknowledge that is not to degrade her academic achievements; she met the threshold, she was academically qualified, but she was not one of the strongest applicants academically - - big whoop. The top schools often bypass students w/ perfect numbers in favor of students with more modest credentials who offer something else the school considers important - - race, gender, atheletic ability, geog diversity, econ diversity, first-gen status, devlopment admit, legacy, applying ED (boosts the school’s yield), etc. </p>

<p>Heck, Kenyon’s admissions director wrote an open letter (published in the NYT) apologizing to all the girls passed over in favor of boys w/ lesser profiles - - all to achieve gender parity. And guess what, the boys don’t feel bad at all.</p>

<p>To OP, I say, tell them, be happy/proud - - but don’t pretend you didn’t get a boost.</p>

13

<p>“So today, i became a NASF. Nice, I was expecting it. What I didn’t expect was for my school to announce it so everyone could know. and now, I feel ashamed. I feel ashamed that I wasn’t good enough to make National merit Finalist. I feel like I was unable to compete with my white classmates. I feel ashamed because I feel recognized for being black and not for being smart. I feel like crawling into a hole and even more, I don’t want anyone to know I’m NASF. its so bad, that I would almost rather be just commended. I don’t wnat any attention drawn to my race. I pray that no one else will know what NASF is.”</p>

<p>nil, above is a quote from a thread you started last year. If you were my child, I think I would be worried. “Shame” and “embarrassment” seem to be constant themes. Based on your past postings, I do not believe that any of *us *can help you. Firstly, because I don’t think you would listen, and secondly, because I don’t think you will believe what we advise. In your state of mind, you will always believe that people discount your abilities because you are black, whether it is true or not. In your state of mind, you will always believe that your achievements are based solely on the color of your skin. In your state of mind, you will always believe that people are snickering about you behind your back. In your state of mind, you will never be happy. You will never believe in yourself.</p>

<p>Don’t get me wrong. Sure, there will be plenty of people who begrudge you your successes. There will always be those who say one thing to your face and something different once you leave the room. But, when you start allowing this reality to affect the way *you *behave and *you *feel ashamed because of what people *might *think, then there is a problem.</p>

<p>My suggestion to you, if you will listen, is to talk to someone about your insecurities. This is clearly a subject that occupies your thoughts – so much so that you are ashamed to tell people that you got into college (?) :0 So much so that you are ashamed to tell people that you are one of the best in the nation on the PSAT (?) :0</p>

<p>Please, don’t take this the wrong way and heed my advice. I know older black people who have suffered these same insecurities throughout their entire lives. Believe me, they are some of the most unhappy, bitter people I have ever met.</p>

<p>I do not wish the same life for you.</p>

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<p>Shrinkrap, I was talking about elite college admissions, only.</p>

15

<p>Ignore the envious and the jealous. They are weak-minded and they likely bring few positive attributes to your [friendship] with them at all.</p>

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<p>@nyc</p>

<p>Yes, they are degrading my achievments. They’re not “acknowleding” something that I wasn’t aware of, nobody who is considerate of other people’s feelings does that. They’re doing it simply out of, like what @lakewashington said, envy and jealousy. I understand that it may bother people, but approaching someone in that manner is uncalled for. </p>

<p>Of course, this just my opinion. I’m not saying you’re wrong, I just don’t agree.</p>

17

<p>There will always be fools in the wolrd.
us black people need to stand up and tell them what’s what.
I agree that AA gives us a boost. Not a huge one but a boost all the same.</p>

<p>It’s part of our world.
If people can not accept the world around them then to bad for them.</p>

<p>If it bothers you this much you should not have checked any racial boxes or whatever.</p>

<p>But be PROUD of what you have done. Be very, very PROUD.
If people can not be happy for you when you have done something great then kick them to the curb.
We need to be stronger than to be hurt by stupid fools and their ignorant thoughts.</p>

<p>Sidenote:</p>

<p>i also plan to not tell people where I apply. I would rather keep it a suprise. Not because of the shame or hurt but because I wnat to suprise them about where I got in and not depress them with my sadness if I get denied.
You need to change your attitude torwards this.</p>

18

<p>“I agree that AA gives us a boost. Not a huge one but a boost all the same.”</p>

<p>^^^In terms of elite college admissions, AA is often a big boost - - how much of a boost, of course, depends on the individ student’s profile. </p>

<p>In my local school district, candidated for admission to the “gifted” promgram must take an IQ test. The threshold elig score is 135. The district then ranks students, the studnet w/ the highest score gets #1and the seats are filled by the successive high scores down to #75 (3 gifted classrooms, 25 students). Some years students need an actual score as high as 146 to get a seat. AA studnets are the only ones exempt from the #1-75 ranking for admission; any AA student who meets the 135 threshold gets a seat. </p>

<p>Elite college admissions is similar (I said “similar” not “identical”). AA students (and other hooks), however, don’t have to have to bring the top numbers. The threshold is pretty damn high, and no one is admitted w/o meeting the threshold - - so there’s not question but that those who meet it are fully qualified for the program. Still, there are more qualified applicants than there are seats and, unless you just want to admit based solely by the numbers (which presents problems; in our district, some years the gifted class is 80% male, other years 70% female), you give extra points to candidates who bring some non-numerical quality that you want. </p>

<p>This means that unhooked applicants w/ higher scores get passed over in favor of hooked students w/ more modest numbers. So yes, student who say, that OP was admitted b/c of AA are jealous. But for most urm students, AA does play a signif role in admission.</p>

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<p>So what if AA gave you a boost? Why are you ashamed of that? Makes as much sense as being ahamed that you are black. You don’t see legacies who get accepted ashamed of their parent. You don’t see recruited athletes ashamed of their sport. And you are ashamed of your color?</p>

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<p>Amen to that!</p>