<p>haha i am not the only one in this situation. Pizzagirl you have to understand that they(immigrant parents) have lived by the cultures of their home country for a long time and it is rather very difficult to change when you are in your 40s and 50s when you were brought up with a specific set of principles. I do try to make them understand but i am not going to be harsh and be like .. ' This is America so stop your conventional wisdom' lol</p>
<p>^ Ummm... it's not that easy. My parents understand what I'm dealing with and have explained it to my relatives, but it doesn't mean that just because they know the stakes, they accept it. Parents like to believe their kids are the best and a few decent test scores are enough to convince most of them of that.</p>
<p>Why does it matter if they "accept" it or not? It's the truth. If they thought that the capital of New York State was New York City, and you said, no, it's Albany, but they didn't accept it because they wanted to believe that it was indeed New York City ... well, then you'd just shrug your shoulders and understand that they were misinformed. I'm seriously trying to understand why you all run so afraid of what your relatives think, and about why, even though you know they are incorrect in their assumptions, they hold so much power over you.</p>
<p>pizzagirl .. i usually find your posts quite agreeable with my views but you are misunderstanding my situation. My relatives and probably all the people who posted here.. their relatives are very supportive. But it is often my family's tendency too care to much. In their opinion, they are going the right thing by caring about my future. There really isn't anything i can say that will make them change their viewpoint., In no way am i scared of my relatives... i would be disappointed if i let them all down.. yes... but i would not cry over it.</p>
<p>Like i said, i may be generalizing a bit too much here but sometimes it is a characteristic of immigrant families to be too eager into any of their family's major decisions. I don't agree with the amount with which they involve themselves.. but simply telling them to back off won't do anything. </p>
<p>A lot of immigrant families draw on the say 'if others can do it.. why can't you' As illogical as it may seem to you, that is how they view it and telling tham that a million people fail while only a hundred succeed will not do much. They will insist i try to be among that 100. Its just different. I don't really expect you to understand but hopefully you get what i am saying.</p>
<p>^ I agree with Shad Faraz. The mentality of Asian parents is different. If you come home with 99%, they will ask you why you didn't get 100%, simply because they want you to be at the top, and they have faith in you. That example is a little exaggerated, but you get the idea... If it's possible, and others can do it, then so can you...</p>
<p>Yeah. Asian culture really focuses on perfectionism, hard work, and competition, which is hard for us to understand b/c it's very different from ours. But then our culture probably seems like a really slacker, self satisfied kind of culture to them and it's probably hard for them to understand the philosophy of "just be happy with who you are." I'm lucky to have very liberal parents, but you can't expect most people to just up and change their values system at 40-50 years of age, any more than Pizzagirl could change her viewpoint to become more "Asian" after living in Asia for a few years...</p>
<p>No, I couldn't change my viewpoint to become more "Asian" after living in Asia for a few years. However, I would be able to accept how things were in that country upon seeing it, whether I personally liked it or not. For example, I'd be able to ACCEPT that their admissions to universities were dependent solely on test scores, not an evaluation of the entire individual.</p>
<p>I don't see what's so hard for them to say, "In Asia, the system I'm used to is thatadmissions to top unis is strictly based on test scores and is quantitative in nature. The kid who scores above X will get into the top schools, no questions asked. In America, it's more holistic and it's not necessarily the very highest test scores; it's a combination of factors. The kid who scores above X may not get into the top schools." </p>
<p>How "smart" can you be if you insist on pretending that what happens in your home country is the same as what happens around the world? All the 5's on AP tests and all the 800's on SAT II's don't mean anything if you can't absorb and accept new information.</p>
<p>@pizzagirl: i'm not sure what you're getting at. are you saying that asian relatives aren't smart? what does being smart have to do with anything?</p>
<p>personally i don't care enough to sit there and argue with my relatives about the intricacies of college admissions. usually when i do they get the impression i'm trying to make an excuse for getting bad grades. </p>
<p>my parents, on the other hand, know and don't care about how admissions works--they just want me to get in. all of our family friends' kids go to tier 1 private schools like northwestern, princeton, penn, tufts, etc. our family will lose face if i go to a "lesser" school. i have a feeling my relatives would feel the same way if they understood the process. that's probably how shad faraz's family feels.</p>
<p>"No, I couldn't change my viewpoint to become more "Asian" after living in Asia for a few years. However, I would be able to accept how things were in that country upon seeing it, whether I personally liked it or not. For example, I'd be able to ACCEPT that their admissions to universities were dependent solely on test scores, not an evaluation of the entire individual.</p>
<p>I don't see what's so hard for them to say, "In Asia, the system I'm used to is thatadmissions to top unis is strictly based on test scores and is quantitative in nature. The kid who scores above X will get into the top schools, no questions asked. In America, it's more holistic and it's not necessarily the very highest test scores; it's a combination of factors. The kid who scores above X may not get into the top schools."</p>
<p>How "smart" can you be if you insist on pretending that what happens in your home country is the same as what happens around the world? All the 5's on AP tests and all the 800's on SAT II's don't mean anything if you can't absorb and accept new information."</p>
<p>You essentially nailed it. In India in order to get into IIT (India Institute of Tech) you need to do well in the national +2 (12th) grade exams. If you score high you gain admission if you don't you can give "donations" to try to gain admission. In order to get into a good +1(11th) and +2 program a student must do well on the 10th standard (grade) exam. Essentially everything in India is based on something quantitative, no essays or ECs. These exams are generic every student takes the same course no one is in advanced classes etc. So essentially parents who grew up in that system see admission into American colleges as get 2400, 4.0, 800's on SATII and 5's on AP's and you should be guaranteed admission into HYPSM.</p>