<p>ellemenope- my friend's son who is about 3 yrs out of school has been working in DC. She said he finds that going to a bar or club several times a week to be "normal". He does work for a midwest senator so don't know if that has some midwest connection.</p>
<p>Entering the alcohol age with child 3. I am not looking forward to it. I know of several cases of experimenting by more then a few classmates at sleepovers. We are talking 2 beers for several girls. But it is just the start. Oldest was anti-social so pretty much avoided the party scene till college. Child 2 was more of a problem. Though he pointed out to me that it was easier for kids to get "weed". He is in college and I know he drinks though not yet 21. He knows I don't like it and that if he gets into trouble I will not bail him out. With child 3- she has an expensive EC that we have told her she will lose if we find her engaging in drinking or drugs. It is hard since I do think it is extremely common in our area with teens of all academic levels and income.</p>
<p>Definitely not a midwest thing. I know that out here on the West Coast that 10th graders are drinking. In fact, for homecoming another mom and I stood at the limo door and physically checked each kid's bag for alcohol. Needless to say, I am the "mean mom" - a title I willingly accept since it means that I am trying to do my job. It does scare me how much more accepted under-age drinking is - even more so than when my older two were in high school.</p>
<p>coming from a current high school senior (and with all due respect, of course): if you want your daughter to have a social life you're going to have to get used to it. that's not to say that it's right, but its going to be everywhere. if you're against it you should have a long talk with her about it and then trust that if ever presented with the situation she'll be able to turn away and maybe even call you if things get out of hand. but it is definately going to happen...a lot. hope that she makes good friends, too</p>
<p>and most parents who allow it at their house tend to just turn a blind eye to it in presumed denial. not many will come out and say, " Yes, there is going to be alcohol."</p>
<p>My D actually was able to have a social life in high school without alcohol, believe it or not. It is possible. If fewer young people understood that it is NOT necessary in order to have a good social life, maybe more young people would be able to walk away with confidence. Attitudes like yours perpetuate the myth of necessity.</p>
<p>I was in marching band in high school (competed nationally) and we drank every chance we could. It's frightening now that I look back on it. We were the good students and not particularly "cool", but we certainly viewed alcohol as an important part of social life. Now that we are parents, why do we think things are going to change? I just think the consequences are worse now with more cars on the road, sexually transmitted diseases more frequent, less supervision etc.</p>
<p>Two weeks ago, in a town near us, a group of about 20 teens went to an abandoned airfield to drink and have a bonfire after a football game. One girl, a senior, had told her parents she was sleeping at a friend's house. She called a relative about 11pm but the call was garbled. Then she told the other kids at the bonfire that she had a ride, and walked away, alone. It was about 40 degrees that night. When she didn't come home at noon the next day, her parents began calling around, and called the police at 5pm. 36 hours later, her body was found, only 100 yards from the bonfire. Police theorize that she was disoriented, and headed thru a very thick, brambly area until she reached a "clearing." Across the clearing, only 200 yards away, was the road. They assume she saw the road and headed toward it. Unfortunately, the clearing was actually a swampy marsh, with a small river running thru it. Her body was found, stuck in the mud, hidden by the tall grass of the marsh. Preliminary autopsy results said she died by drowning (toxicology results are pending, or have not been released). She was 17 years old, a pretty, popular athlete - and she died alone, in the cold and dark and mud, 100 yards from her friends.</p>
<p>A couple days after the funeral, police arrested an 18 year old boy who brought alcohol to the party that he took from his parents' refrigerator. They are continuing to investigate where the teens got the alcohol.</p>
<p>5 days after the funeral, police arrested 18 minors drinking alcohol at a house in the SAME town. Did some misguided parents figure the kids were safer drinking in the house than in the woods? Or did the kids just not understand the consequences of losing your judgement when you drink?</p>
<p>(MOWC - I was in Marching Band, and my church youth group. Occasionally we drank at the church youth group, and some of the marching band kids drank. The drinking age was 18. You're right, drinking in hs is nothing new.)</p>
<p>If any parent lets their kid have a social life in HS, it is almost guaranteed that they will be exposed to alcohol at one point or another, and ultimately it's their choice whether to drink or not. If they really want to, they will; if not they won't. The best a parent can do is make sure their kid is educated about it and knows how to make smart choices, as well as stressing never to get into the car with anybody who's had a drink.</p>
<p>that is to be expected--I presume with 18 yos buying alcohol it would've been available to HS kids like it is to college kids today (needless to say the drinking age is a fantasy in college).</p>
<p>I also think that in those 25 years it's fallen about as far as it will. think of it as approaching an asymptote</p>
<p>Parents let me tell you something so you can understand a little better. I am a freshmen at USC and I have two older brothers, an older sister, and a twin sister. In high school I was the kid who was basically friends with everybody, not saying this to brag, but rather to give meaning to my point. My twin sister was staunch about not touching alcohol and not doing things that would compromise her, and my parents helped facilitate that. In college now, well it's a different story but she's back to normal. My older sister was the same way, then college came and her freshmen year was crazy to say the least, but she got back on track and now just finished up her masters in journalism. My oldest brother was a social guy in high school and because of that got into the drinking scene and is in no means an alcoholic but he still drinks, he's 26 now. My other older brother only really drank after college, but had encounters with it all along the way. I had friends in high school who's parents were not so tight fisted with them in terms of having a social life and allowed their children some freedom and trusted them enough to certain degrees to make wise decisions, and it is those kids who alot of the time have fared better in college. Your children will be introduced to alcohol at some point if not now. Being over protective mom or over protective dad towards a teenager, you know what that enables us as teenagers to do. It means whenever we get that bit of freedom, which we will at some point, we're liable to misuse it. Granted some people dont. Parents, blocking your kids from everything is never the answer. Communication and trust and developing relationships built on trust will go a lot further than "NO, NO, NO" will. I know this because I went through my rebellious age. I know this because I've been friends with Larry Loner, Jack the Jock, Theo the theater kid, Chrissy the Cheerleader, Brooke the book nerd, and Ronald Regular. And for us teenagers its all the same</p>
<p>I think this is true. my parents didn't really bother me about it and while I drank, I never got drunk and certainly never drove or got into cars with drunk people.</p>
<p>in fact it's the people with the strictest parents who act the wildest at parties...</p>
<p>I agree with Fowora. By telling your kids no will not prevent them from drinking or having sex. Kids and even adults drink to be accepted or feel more at ease at social situations. My main concern for my kids is safety, and then their social well being. We discussed a lot at home about drinking responsibly. I have gone as far as telling my older daughter to just nurse a cup (not glass, because everyone uses disposable cups at parties) of beer at parties. My older daughter was a very social person in HS, at the same time she didn't feel she needed to get trashed or do random hookups at parties to be accepted by her peers. She said it's people on the fringe that tried harder to fit in. They did crazy things at parties (drink more, hookup more) then blamed it on alcohol the next day. I think kids that feel good about themselves will try alcohol and then move on, kids that have low self esteem will always use alcohol (or drugs) as tools to make themselves feel better. Maybe that's what parents should address, not alcohol itself.</p>
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I think kids that feel good about themselves will try alcohol and then move on, kids that have low self esteem will always use alcohol (or drugs) as tools to make themselves feel better. Maybe that's what parents should address, not alcohol itself.
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<p>Well said, oldfort! Helping kids feel comfortable with who they are is key.</p>
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Far, FAR fewer high school kids drink today than 25 years ago
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<p>mini, is it your sense today that alcohol plays a central role in many HS social events? Was that the case 25 years ago, or was drinking more underground, more private?</p>