<p>I think you have three jobs here:</p>
<p>1- enforcer of family health, safety and responsibility rules (sleep, meals, chores, not missing grandma’s birthday brunch if that’s a big deal, religious services if you care, etc.)</p>
<p>2- guardian of the family budget- helping her prioritize if need be when/if the financial crunch of all these commitments interferes with your ability to pay the bills, pay tuition for college, etc. If you aren’t socking money away for tuition now- you will be sorry later on!</p>
<p>3- Project manager of transportation, logistics, etc.- late night pick ups, weekend commitments in other cities, etc. Your car, your rules.</p>
<p>As long as you’ve made your boundaries and limits known, then I think it’s reasonable for a HS kid to make decisions about priorities and time mangement within those limits. If she decides that she can be a B student and participate in all the things she loves- that’s her call. If she wants to be an A student and disovers that dance is standing in the way- she’ll find a way to dump the dance. If you discover that keeping the horse is beyond your budget- then you need to explain your limitations (i.e. we’ve gone into debt to buy a house, we’re prepared to take on loans to help you pay for college, we are not able to take a second mortgage to pay for the horse).</p>
<p>I wouldn’t worry about the college admissions or EC business. Those things tend to sort themselves out. But enlist her help in making sure that your three jobs (enforcer, guardian, project manager) get done while she meets her own goals- and you’ll all be in a good place next year.</p>
<p>I have friends who feel severely victimized by their kids EC’s- they leave work and immediately begin a 5 hour odyssey to get everyone to and fro, dinner gets wolfed down in the backseat, parents don’t get to unwind after a stressful day at work since they’re downing Red Bull in order to be alert for the driving and drop off which lasts all evening. That’s not right either- kids need to understand that there are other family priorities besides their own interests and hobbies. But I don’t think parents get to pick what stays and what goes (unless your child has an interest which you simply cannot afford to support, or where the schedule interferes with your own work or safety.)</p>