Where do you live, @Ellen94? I’m guessing somewhere between Providence and Amherst???
How about a pediatric dentist or pediatric dental assistant? Dental assistants make as much money as nurses and more than a lot of teachers, believe it or not!!!
Also, speech pathologist or physical therapist. Both are highly employable, both in schools and hospitals.
The proper way to think about this is to just add the cost of plane tickets to the cost of further away schools when comparing costs. If the further away school is significantly less expensive, it may still be less expensive even after the added plane ticket costs.
Wanting her close enough to come home for breaks is not unreasonable , and it doesn’t sound like she wants to go terribly far away either.
Saying she can’t go too far because you’d miss her, but that you do t want do drive 3-5 hours, or go pick her up at a train station, doesn’t make sense.
I think 2 hours is a reasonable request. 4 hour car rides are a drag. This state has soo many schools, she will find something. I believe Regis also has nursing, and Mass General Inst. of Health Professionals.
I really, really think you need to let your daughter go. This and all your past threads feel extremely helicopter parent-y. You need to put your daughter’s needs ahead of your own. She has a good head on her shoulders, knows what she wants to do, and has a plan to make it happen. The only thing standing in her way is you and your wants, and it’s frankly been painful to read about how your daughter is working so hard to achieve her goals, but has been and is being roadblocked at every turn by decisions that you’re making (whether intentionally or not).
Not letting her go more than 2 hours away because you’ll miss her is ludicrous. Most college students come home pretty infrequently after the first year. Additionally, setting a 2 hour radius ignores all the trains and buses that are available to places in a 3, 4, 5 hour radius.
Doesn’t BU have a nursing program? USM or UNE are reasonable alternatives.
Of course, isn’t it possible that many of these other schools will be more expensive than her current school, perhaps by an amount that dwarfs the possible cost of airline tickets to a more distant school?
OP said, months ago, that she was going to leave all issues about a transfer to her daughter, and I think that was a good plan. She was looking at schools she’d been admitted to out of HS, and seeing if they’d still honor her FA packages. The daughter has a few options, one is to stay at UMass where the academic fit is good but she doesn’t like the school, or transfer to one of the Boston or surrounding cities. It seems dumb to me to give up nursing if that’s what she really wants just to stay closer to home, where OP has said there is a lot of tension when the daughter comes home every other weekend (to spend with HS friends). Live at home or don’t, but having to go to school near home in order to be with HS friends and giving up nursing don’t seem to be the right choices. Saying you don’t want to fly her home all the time is not a reasonable argument, as student away don’t fly home all the time. My freshman daughter didn’t come for thanksgiving this year because her semester ended only 2 weeks later. She went with friends. Spring break she has to play with her team, so she’ll be back in May. Another student has already offered her a ride (but I’ll bet she’ll fly).
I went to school about 45 minutes from home. I never went home. I actually took the bus into the city to do an internship several times a week one year and I never even went home for dinner. I was at school. Away at school. If I’d wanted to live at home, I could have gone to any one of the 4-5 schools in the city.
She should stick with nursing. If she can’t get into a school she likes that offers nursing, she should stay at UMass. Stick with your transfer plan. She does the looking, she does the financing, she makes all the decisions. This new 2 hour rule should be dropped.
I remember posting a link to nursing programs in NE. There were many possibilities, including schools in Maine and Conn. I don’t understand why the OP didn’t write a list of these schools, with price and geographical location. It is one thing to let the daughter visit on her own, but I would go over the big list and narrow down by objectives.
I would not encourage your daughter to give up on nursing unless it is something she no longer wants to do. You are correct that teaching not only pays much less, but the competition for jobs in the Northeast is fierce given a declining school-age population and many more education graduates than there are jobs.If your daughter is wavering about whether she wants to be a nurse, I would suggest that she get some practical experience before transferring anywhere. The nurses I know are dedicated to their field and would not consider physical therapy a career alternative.
When my cousin was reconsidering her choice of majoring in nursing due to being unhappy at college, she moved home, transferred to community college, and obtained a degree that allowed her to work as an LPN in an urban hospital. For her, it solidified her commitment to the profession. She then went on for additional education in her field.
As you are paying for school, it is your choice as to the rules you impose. There are plenty of schools around Boston and Providence, which appears to be within the radius you have given your daughter. Simmons has been mentioned, and Wheelock also has a nursing program.
My parents did the same thing - gave me a two hour maximum for college. My first two years of college I attended a school exactly two hours away from home, then saved up and paid my own way to finish my undergraduate degree 800 miles away, which involved taking a bus for 24 hours as I couldn’t afford plane fare. Looking back as a parent today, I know that it hurt my mother very much for me to assert my independence, but as a 19 year old, it was something I felt I had to do. I moved closer to home when I was 24 years old, but my leaving five years earlier created a rift that took decades to heal. I am now in the situation where my 19 year old son has been overseas for the last year and will be for two more. Having had a taste of my own medicine, it is not a bitter pill for me the way it was for my mother, as I know that this experience has helped him mature into a fine young man and that has trumped all for me.
I agree the the general consensus, stop sabotaging your daughter’s efforts to be successful.
You can’t miss your daughter if she won’t go away. Coming home every weekend isn’t normal or healthy for a college freshman, IMO. And while she may be doing it now, she won’t always come home. Chances are right now it’s just a crutch because she is unhappy at UMass. I think that a successful transfer, even one that meets your qualifications, is going to see a reduced amount of visits home.
My son is 10 hours away. When he was looking at schools, I encouraged him to look 5 hours out and further. I never wanted him to be able to run home easily if things got tough.
Travel is cost prohibitive, so he knew going in that he would come home only over winter break. Have we all missed him? Yes! But it’s been a zillion times harder on us than him. Two days after Christmas and not even half way into his 6 week break, it was obvious that he was ready to go back. LOL
As for break housing, he has stayed with friends over Fall Break and Thanksgiving (though neither of those are paid housing breaks) and for Spring Break he will either stay with his girlfriend’s family or stay on campus and work (he is a tour guide).
The two hour thing is just odd to me. In the back of my mind I am thinking that the “other shoe” that’s about to drop is that there are no suitable and affordable schools within 2 hours. Why in the world would you think derailing your daughters education plans until she is 24 would be a good thing? Are you imagining that she will live with you for the next 5 years and NOT go to college then get a good FA package on her own and start over when she is independent?
If you care about your daughter and want to see her I would advocate supporting her dreams now (within reason) so that she will actually come back willingly later. There is some truth to that saying, “If you love something let it go . . .”
p.s. Our D goes home with friends for Thanksgiving and other breaks except Christmas (or stays on campus for short breaks). She is several states away, but around here a 2 hour radius wouldn’t even get you to the other state flagship.
Many medical offices now use medical assistants/physician assistants in lieu of nursing staff.
If she wants to be an NP, perhaps she should consider PA.
I have rarely seen such a narcissistic parent on CC. Every thing seem to be all about you. Let your D handle the transfer decision and decide where to go. You want her to change her plans for her life’s work because you would miss her if she went to school 4 hours away instead of 2 hours away? That is nuts.
I think your D would benefit from some time at career services at U Mass (you are paying for it anyway). If/when she decides that she’s not going to study nursing, it really needs to come from a position of strength “I’m more interested in becoming a social worker who works with vulnerable children”, or I’m in love with bio-statistics and want to work in pediatric oncology" rather than a position of weakness “I hate U Mass and the only way to get the heck out of here is to become a kindergarten teacher at another college which is close to Mom and Dad”.
If she no longer feels a calling to be a nurse, there are hundreds of careers to explore. If she’s only giving up on the nursing because the transfer options are so unappealing, then it’s time to relax some criteria. And if keeping her options limited is going to prolong her education, you are going to find that by the end it’s costing you MUCH more than allowing her a couple of Greyhound bus tickets a couple of times a year. One extra semester of even the most reasonable college (if she’s exhausted her merit aid) is going to be thousands of dollars more than her transportation costs.
I’m not suggesting that she apply to UCSD and fly across the country. But a three hour drive, especially if she’s on a bus, is hardly a hardship either financially or lifestyle wise, compared with the costs of an extra semester because she’s gotten off track academically.
What is your goal for your daughter, @Ellen94? I’m genuinely curious. Your current expectations and requirements do not seem designed to result in an independent, fulfilled person who has chosen her own career and where she wants to live. Please don’t set up a situation in which she has to choose a completely different career from the one she wants in order to live close enough to you while she’s in college. That’s the most short-term of possible gains for you. What kind of relationship do you want to have with her when she is independent?
Forcing your daughter to stay close to home now just because you’ll miss her (and using money as a way to make that happen) is likely to backfire once she’s working and living on her own. I went to school with kids whose parents were controlling and used money as a weapon. Every one of them graduated from a local college then moved far, far away. If you think plane rides to and from college for your DD for 4 years are expensive, try adding up cross country flights for two for 30+ years (x the number of kids you happen to have).
Why don’t you just give your DD a reasonable dollar amount to work with and let HER make a choice? I can’t think of a good reason to limit her choices, unless there are medical/mental health issues we don’t know about or you simply can’t afford what the schools cost. I would never put my child in the position of choosing a lower paying career or having to pay for additional schooling out-of-pocket later to study what she really wanted just so I could keep her close to home.
My daughter went to college on the opposite coast. There were times when it actually took her about the same time to travel home as her brother who was 2 hours and 10 minutes away…by car…in sometimes dreadful holiday traffic. If DS took the train or bus, he had to add the time to get to the train station, and for us to pick him up…an additional 1 1/2 hours where we live.
Dorms are only closed during the big breaks…Christmas, for example.
DD never came home for the smaller breaks. There were plenty of friends nearby who welcomed her to their homes for Thanksgiving, and spring break. We never paid a dime for housing during breaks.
You live in MA. There are plenty of nursing programs a bus ride or train ride away. Or a car ride of 3-4 hours.
I agree that the 2 hour time is just a way to sabotage her transfer efforts. I mean really…what is the point? You don’t have to make a 4 hour drive. She can take a bus or train.