My daughter was all set to go to college about three hours away. The bill is paid, we’ve visited several times, she attended an overnight orientation, she has her student ID. I guess she talked to her father a few days ago but just last night she informed me she’s not going and she is going to commute to our local four year school. Both are excellent choices as far as schools go (although the one farther away is higher ranked) but that is the least of my concerns. The “commuter school” is not really a commuter school at all. I will call it that for this post to distinguish between the two.
The commuter school is an hour away on a good day from our front yard to parking and getting into class, I know that because I attended this school living on campus undergraduate and as a graduate commuter. The weather in the winter can be the absolute worst you have ever seen on a portion of the commute and several times I was concerned for my life driving there. I slid through stop lights, was stuck in blinding blizzards and this is not just once in a while-- it’s basically January and February. I drove a 4-wheel drive, it made no difference. The school does have commuters but programs and services are not set up for the commuter student. I worked in Residence Life and almost all programs, events, tutoring sessions, clubs, etc are set up for the resident student. When she considered this school in the Spring, I attended open house with her and we both agreed she would only attend this school if she could be in the first year student program living on campus. Now she wants to change her major from a liberals arts one to a hard science requiring high level math, and she will need help with this. Commuting two hours a day will not help with that. Working in Res Life I can tell you there is a much larger percentage of students that drop out or fail out that are commuters vs living in the dorm.
Yes, there is a boyfriend involved and I know a boyfriend should never be the deciding factor. In the Spring I sensed the uncertainty in my daughter and her undecided major status and I thought maybe it would be a good idea if she attended a community college 15 minutes from our house that would have given her a 100% tuition free honors scholarship. I was told absolutely not by both her and her father because she “needed the college experience including living on campus at a four year school”. Of course that scholarship is gone. And I understood and supported the living on campus 4 year highly ranked school option.
I honestly believe she is making the worst of all of the decisions she possibly could right now. Her father will just write the check and ignore any advice I try to share, and my daughter sees that he will do this so she won’t even take the time to listen to my concerns. But I know this commuter school, I know how it is set up and run.
I don’t think I made this part clear-- she did call the commuter school and because she was accepted and would be commuting they will still let her attend even though she didn’t pay a deposit by May 1st. She was getting a small scholarship but I’m sure that has been given away by now, when I suggested this school in the Spring I was told I was “holding her back” and keeping her from “the best school”.
Her reasoning for not wanting to go to the school she is all signed up for is that, “she doesn’t want any debt” (we had told her she would have to borrow some to have some skin in the game, her father says he will pay 100% if she commutes) and that “the commuter school has all of the majors she’s interested in in one school.” I asked her if she was just nervous about leaving home but she began arguing with me and said no. I suggested perhaps a gap year-- which would have to be planned out-- that would help her decide what she really wants to do. The “commuter school” allows a one year deferment and she can take up to 11 credit hours of college courses and still be labeled as a first year student eligible for a scholarship, She also has 6 AP credits that they will accept so she would enter next year with 17 credit hours and living in the first year community. She is refusing, saying she doesn’t want to “get behind”. I have explained to her at most she would be behind one semester and could make it up in the summer if she is so set on graduating in four years, which is a good goal. Still she refuses.
I have looked at the class list at the “commuter school” and most classes she would want are closed. I really think she needs at least one year of living on campus to adjust to f/t college life, As a commuter and with her personality, she is just not the type of girl that would reach out and join in. The first year on campus program really helps those students to become more outgoing and join in.
MAYBE I could get her a room somewhere on campus if I contacted a few people I know, but the campus fills up quickly so probably not. And she may not be with other freshmen. My husband just says “whatever” and will pay the bill. How can I get through to them? Should I even try? We really don’t have the money to waste on a semester of college that turns into a disaster, and wanting to attend graduate school she can’t risk taking a huge dip to her gpa. This commuter school is also very unforgiving when it comes to academic probation-- it has a reputation of being one of the hardest to get reinstated to after a bad semester. Lastly, this school requires a student attend orientation before attending. I looked it up and all orientations have already taken place. The person she called said they will be holding an orientation the day before classes start. This will just be something thrown together for commuter students, proving my point that they are not valued, and what happens if she hates it? I am really upset over this whole thing!
