Am I crazy? Reply to "I Am About to Lose It"

Parents Forum
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<p>I happened on this site while looking for honest reviews of colleges my son is considering. The post titled I Am About to Lose It caught my eye. This kid obviously has a fabulous work ethic (almost all As), good stats and a clear case of writer's block for one reason or another. Unfortunately he also has a mother on his case. What shocked me however was the tone of the replies from parent members, the majority suggesting this child should include his mom in the process, keep her abreast of his progress, and above all remember that SHE is under pressure too when she hears her friends speak about their children's acceptances. Very few replies had any words of support for the student.</p>

<p>Applying to college is a huge stressor for young adults. They desperately want freedom and independence but are reluctant and afraid to walk away from childhood. Many have a difficult time making that leap because we, as parents, have micromanaged every step of their existence. What is the worst case scenario if this student doesn't get his applications in early....or in fact doesn't get them in at all this year? He may not get in to his top choice. He may need to 'make do' with a school that is below his abilities. He may need to take a gap year to figure out why he dragged his feet during the process. None of these will, in the long term, adversely affect his future. Regardless, it it will be the consequence of HIS actions, and making choices and dealing with those consequences is part of adulthood. I can tell you from experience there are many paths to college and highly successful careers, and not everyone is ready at the same time. </p>

<p>"I Am About To Lose It", if you're listening, relax. Speak with your mom about your stress and let her know you are not doing this to purposely sabotage your future. Also tell her that you are a responsible, mature student as evidenced by your grades, and it will get done. You will be leaving for college in a very short time and will be making your own decisions without her oversight and direction, and you would like her to trust you on this. It is time for her to start letting go. Reassure her that you love her, that she has raised you well, and that what happens with respect to your college application process is no reflection on her. Then ask her politely but firmly to respect that this is YOUR decision and YOUR process, and to leave you alone. You will do fine. I wish you the best.</p>

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<p>I think most posters were trying to give the student concrete strategies to use to calm his mother down and thus reduce the stress in the family as a whole. Many of them (or us, because I would have given the same advice) were speaking from experience as parents who have gone through or are currently going through the process. I don’t think anyone was unsympathetic to the student. We all know how nutty parents, even the best of us, can get!</p>

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<p>You’re not crazy. I do think, though, that <em>many</em> of the early comments were supportive in the context of the OP’s request. The suggestions about keeping mom in the loop were meant to help get mom off OP’s back, which was the goal. Pointing out that Mom is feeling under pressure too helps OP know how to approach the problem. The spreadsheets give Mom something to refer to without bugging OP every day. I only read the first few pages of the thread, but there was a lot of practical problem-solving going on on OP’s behalf.</p>

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<p>The thread was closed for a reason (bickering). I will leave this thread up so that the first post is visible. Please do not start another thread on this topic.</p>