I'm About To Lose It

Parent Cafe
1

<p>I'm currently a senior in high school. I have nearly all As, a 34 ACT, great SAT IIs, and awesome ECs.</p>

<p>However, I'm beyond stressed out with my college applications. I decided I wasn't going to apply early anywhere because I didn't have all of my test scores yet, and I also wasn't set on any particular school.</p>

<p>I've tried and tried to do my college essays, but it hasn't been until the last few days that I have actually been able to write things down. Until then, I've had severe writer's block and would stare at the screen for hours—too nervous to type anything. I feel like I am handling this much better now, and my ideas are beginning to start to flow like they usually do.</p>

<p>BUT, I still only have a few weeks to finish everything. If it were just me, I'd be somewhat okay with this, but my mom asks me EVERY DAY how much longer it will be until I am done with my apps. She will ask me how many applications I have finished, how much longer it will be, pretty much every type of question you could imagine regarding my apps.</p>

<p>Whenever she brings it up, I just feel like walking away. When I reply, I usually give her some generic response because I am too irritated to give her hourly updates of how everything is going. What can I do to get her to stop this?! I'm working as hard as I can on them. Then to top it all off, she also mentions at least once or twice a day how I don't just sit around and talk anymore. I'm like DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF?!??! It's like she wants my essays to write themselves while I just like all happily ever after. She has no idea—NO IDEA—how much work this is.</p>

<p>Please. There have to be some parents or kids out there who have gone through the same thing. What can I do? Right now, I'm trying to do as much work as I can out of the house (usually at Starbucks) so that I don't have to deal with her or anyone else in my family bothering me.</p>

2

<p>Yes, I’m a Mom and I’m afraid I was like this. I just so wanted my son to have every option. The best thing I did was come on CC and rant here instead of at my kid. My son did a great job with his apps and everything went well. Send your Mom to us!</p>

3

<p>I am a mom who did NOT do this to my kid but who has friends who did.</p>

<p>Here’s what I would do.</p>

<p>Make an Excel/Google spreadsheet of the colleges you are applying to, with columns for the deadlines for each task that has to be completed, along with dates. If you do it in Google Docs, you can “share” the spreadsheet with her. It’s easy. Doing this will demonstrate to her that you have not forgotten what you have to do in the next month or so, and also show her that you are on top of the process.</p>

<p>Come up with three essay ideas and show them to her, just as an FYI. Don’t ask for advice, but tell her you plan to show drafts to her a week or so before they are due.</p>

<p>Ask her to start on HER part of the process–filling out the FAFSA and CSS forms (if applicable). You can have a column for these in the spreadsheet you have made. Seriously, once she knows what a pain in the *** the financial stuff is, she will leave you alone.</p>

<p>Finally, I would tell her in your sweetest voice how much you are looking forward to having one last winter break at home before you go off to college and how nice it will be to spend time with the family. Remind her of what’s really important. </p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

4

<p>I have great sympathy for both you AND your mom. My advice is to tell your mom this:</p>

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<p>Let her know that you are making progress. Consider hashing some ideas out with her, if that would work for you two. You might even find that it helps. Otherwise, send her to us. We will commiserate with her and make her feel better. She just wants you to have the best options possible. We understand. :)</p>

5

<p>Your situation sounds very similar to my daughter’s. In order to get my daughter moving, I set some deadlines in order to ensure that everything would be finished on time.</p>

<p>But Sally305 has a better suggestion, which is for you to set up the schedule and deadlines yourself. It is overwhelming for both the student and parent when there are huge deadlines looming and there doesn’t appear to be a plan or schedule. It might give you some sense of control if you have self-imposed deadlines such as finishing one school’s essays each week.</p>

<p>Hang in there and good luck.</p>

6

<p>I’m probably worse than your mom…I project manage essentially for my job…so my entire day is filled somewhat with getting people to get their work done on time. In hindsight your mom is probably wondering why you didn’t work on your essay in September, October, November :slight_smile: since the essay is needed regardless of your standardized test score taking date…so the best plan now is to break what you need to do down on a list and tackle one piece each day. So perhaps day one you write the short supplemental essays, day two and day three work on your essay, day four get your apps filled in with all the personal and high school information wile your mom or someone reads your essay…day five etc. day six etc.
then you can show your mom your list and reassure her every day that you did the task…and then do it. </p>

<p>Make the tasks manageable and allot a reasonable amount of time based on how much time you have between getting home from high school, doing your homework and getting to bed. Good luck! My kids all felt better once they hit submit and they had me for a mom so count your blessings! My kids’ friends who had hands off moms often told me at crunch time that they “wished” their moms would have pushed them so the grass is always greener. Hang in there, you’ll be fine.</p>

7

<p>I can only imagine what Mom’s reaction would be if you applied to schools that have specific portfolio requirements that have to be drawn or painted for a specific school. If you or she frets about a 500 word essay, imagine drawing four RISD bicycle type drawings for each school you apply…</p>

8

<p>What Sally305 said. Have a schedule and also making sure your mom is on track with stuff she has to do is good. Although if you want a different essay reviewer that is not your mom (like a teacher or your dad or some other adult), that is okay. BUT, you can’t really ask them to review stuff over break or with only a day or two’s notice if you choose a teacher, so you would really need to get on your essays to do that.</p>

9

<p>I’m going to recommend a technique for this sort of situation called “feeding the lions” (explained to me by a work colleague when I was a nervous newbie dealing with a demanding superior who wanted everything done yesterday). Pretend you’re running through the savanna with a pack of hungry lions on your heels. Periodically you throw them a chunk of meat, which they pause to devour, giving you enough time to get ahead of them, until they catch up with you again, at which time you throw them another chunk of meat, and so on and so on, until you’ve reached safety. The “meat” in your case can be the spreadsheet referred to above, an essay draft, etc., so long as it’s something that will give your “lions” (your mom) something to chew on for a bit while you make further progress. The idea is to keep the hot breath of the lions off your neck while you race to end of your applications. Good luck!</p>

10

<p>As a mom, I would really just want my child to communicate with me. My daughter was feeling overwhelmed by class work and marching band her first trimester of her senior year. She did get a few early action applications done but she clearly communicated to me that she needed to focus on essays once she was done with first trimester finals. I didn’t bother her about it anymore. She got it done. Good students usually know how to manage their time and get things done on time, even if it is at the last minute.</p>

<p>I did question her about when apps would be done, primarily because I needed to budget all those application fees. Some of them couldn’t be paid until everything was submitted. Others could be paid at any time. </p>

<p>Sit down and have a heart to heart with her. Tell her you were having some writer’s block but you’re overcoming it. Let her know when you hope to have them done and what obstacles are in your way. She may just keep asking because she’s not getting “real” answers to her questions. Moms don’t want to just hear “I know, I’ll get it done”. They want to know the plan :)</p>

11

<p>I agree with the other posters! Your mom wants to help you, but remember, everyone of your classmate’s moms are talking about where their kids are on the application spectrum. She undoubtedly feels pressure, too, when she hears of kids admitted to schools while you are still applying. Is there something she can do to be of help to you right now? For instance, I made address labels for my son’s recommendation letters. He logged into the College Board site and I ordered and paid for his test scores to be sent. I made an account on Parchment, which was necessary for his transcripts to be sent. There are concrete, useful tasks you could ask your mom to help with that won’t compromise the integrity of your actual applications. You won’t feel so upset with her when she’s working with you, and she’ll feel better seeing the forward progress. Win-win!</p>

12

<p>MommaJ, that is very funny! :slight_smile: I am a project manager, and am wise to that technique (although I never would have called it that). But it might work with the OP’s mom.</p>

13

<p>As a mom, the answer to your question is no, we often don’t fully understand the stress you are under. Things were simply not as pressured back when some of us were applying to college…at least not for me.</p>

<p>Having said that, your mom undoubtedly does care and may even be an asset if you just calmly explain your overwhelmed feelings to her. As a team, you can get more done. And if that doesn’t work, take the suggestions here to heart and know a bunch of us are rooting for you.</p>

14

<p>wcclirl444, do you think your mom can read your mind? </p>

<p>Here, can you read her mind?<br>
What is she thinking about how she will pay for your college tuition?
What is she thinking about what it will be like once you move away to go to school?
What issue is she most concerned will be your biggest challenge in college? </p>

<p>You expect your mom to know how difficult this is for you and she clearly doesn’t or wouldn’t be asking you to behave in a more upbeat way. </p>

<p>You will have to tell her exactly what you think if you want her to know.</p>

15

<p>My son did make a spreadsheet and that helped both of us. I think I pretty much shut up in late Feb when he got an early write. I was still anxious, but I think I confined it to CC and a few of my IRL friends.</p>

16

<p>“Pretend you’re running through the savanna with a pack of hungry lions on your heels. Periodically you throw them a chunk of meat, which they pause to devour, giving you enough time to get ahead of them, until they catch up with you again, at which time you throw them another chunk of meat, and so on and so on, until you’ve reached safety.”</p>

<p>–</p>

<p>When I told my mother that I was going to Ethiopia, she warned me to be careful not to be eaten by lions. I mollified her somewhat by informing her that there were no Abyssinian lions in Addis Ababa, except in their excuse for a zoo (which I have no intention of visiting.)</p>

<p>Still, to be sure, I decided to consult with my Maasai “son” in southern Kenya. Because of severe drought, he has had to move with his family and his entire herd some 200 miles from his usual home. He still manages to e-mail me. Now the Maasai hate wild animals, as they compete with their herds for food and water, trample on their homes, and occasionally (though rarely) enjoy one of the tribe (and, heaven forbid, maybe even a cow!) for dinner.</p>

<p>So I asked him what to do if followed by a hungry lion.</p>

<p>“Oh,” he said, “That’s easy. Take off your sandals, and rub them under your arms, then throw them in the opposite direction from where you are going.”</p>

<p>“Does it work?” I asked. </p>

<p>“Don’t know for sure,” he replied. “But we have a perfectly lovely collection of extra sandals.”</p>

<p>Wish me well.</p>

17

<p>All great advice. The one thing I might add when you set up a schedule for yourself is to consider focusing on one school at a time, to the extent that is possible.</p>

<p>For example, first get your common app essays done, and then send to one school that does not require additional supplemental essays, perhaps a safety. GET ONE APP SUBMITTED. Phew, doesn’t that feel good?? Check that one as DONE! Your mom may breathe a big sigh of relief, also.</p>

<p>Then focus on ONE application at a time (based on the due dates, or if they are all due within days of each other, then based on your favorite school first, or your favorite school last). Write your supplemental essays, edit, have someone proof them (Mom?), submit. Big sighs, you and Mom are bit more relieved. </p>

<p>Then tackle the next school. Write, edit, proof, submit. </p>

<p>Repeat as needed. </p>

<p>Sometimes having the whole pile of work to do can be overwhelming, but whittling away at ONE school at a time, AND SUBMITTING THE APP, means you are making real progress, and you don’t have every single app hanging over your head still, two or three weeks from now. Having many apps in various stages of completion, but none actually completed, can be crazy-making. </p>

<p>Submit as you go. </p>

<p>This works better for some students (perhaps the ones that have trouble letting go of those essays, for fear they will not be perfect…) than others. </p>

<p>Good luck to you. </p>

<p>You have excellent stats, as you know. You will be fine, and will have many great choices.</p>

18

<p>Holy cow, all moms must be the same because the OP’s situation is my life right now, basically. Every day, my mom asks to see any essay drafts I have and I keep saying I don’t have any finished ones yet, I’ll get it done, etc. These posts offered some really good advice that I will definitely use. And today, when I specifically explained to my mom that I have the common app done so I could submit to two of my schools right now, I have another essay that just needs to be cut down (word count) for another 2-3, etc. She felt better.</p>

19

<p>OP, I was this worried mom last year myself. With my D, my level of nagging about the progress of college essays was proportional to the amount of time I saw my D lying on couch watching TV or hanging out with friends. If she was busy studying or working on a project with friends, I wasn’t stressing about her essays because I just saw that she was busy and working hard. But if I saw her crashed out on the couch…well, totally different. She did get all of her essays written, many at the last minute. You’ll have to give us a parents a bit of a pass in this situation – it’s also very hard to be on the other side, with ultimately little control on the process but a huge investment in the outcome…</p>

20

<p>My kids got their essays done in late December. The winter/holiday break helped. The deadline helped even more. There’s a month left now, for regular admission: plenty of time for procrastinators to do their thing.</p>

<p>I wasn’t involved in the timetable at all, and did not edit or anything. One kid was relaxed about the whole thing, but needed to talk as the essay was written, one was super efficient and self-sufficient, and another went through some paralysis and meltdowns. Very common. I think they wrote them in the kitchen and that helped.</p>

<p>Honestly, I think people make too big a deal out of these essays.</p>

<p>A friend of mine makes a good living apparently from situations like these. She makes brownies and has the kid sit in her kitchen and write, for quite a bit of money per hour.</p>

<p>Here’s something that crossed my mind at times: if they were to need me for prodding to make this deadline, then I wouldn’t want them to go to college anyway. What would happen with deadlines for papers once there?</p>

<p>However, there are times when the anxiety of all this can make an otherwise functional and capable kid completely blocked or resistant, and that is when parental or tutor or counselor intervention may be needed, sympathetically, in a way that preserves whatever autonomous energy is still there under all the pressure.</p>

<p>Editing to add that my kids applied to 2-4 schools total, so the spreadsheet idea was not relevant. Perhaps the son could apply to fewer schools and the applications would be less overwhelming-?</p>