Am I Just a Failure?

First of all, CC can be okay for some, but for others it can be anxiety-invoking. When someone tells you to take a break from this site, it may be because you seem to be in the latter category.

The cure for anxiety about getting into an Ivy is ultimately to “love your safety” (that means a safety from both an admissions and financial aid perspective). The closer you look, the more you can find underappreciated opportunities at even small branch campuses of a state system.

We went through building a college list for my rising senior and among the finalists for safety schools were such ordinary places as Western Washington University, University of Nevada, Reno, and University of Minnesota at Duluth. All of these had at least one professor working in a niche area of science that interests her and an opportunity for honors classes. People look down on community college, but even those schools can have exciting opportunities for the right kid. For example, a community college a couple hours in one direction has an amazing fashion program, and another one in a different direction has a robotics program. A friend of mine sent her son to yet another pretty ordinary community college for dual enrollment high school, and he got into Caltech.

You can find schools that will take you on the next step of your educational and career journey that aren’t named “Columbia.” Have an open mind and do your research. If you strive for Columbia and don’t get in, you can still have a great college experience somewhere else. The sooner you truly believe that, the better it will be for your mental health.

Truly, the thought of a person hanging on to their teenage ambitions and regretting their college admissions opportunities at age 95 is horrifying. You can’t live that long without having many opportunities in your life. If you don’t take them because you have Ivy League tunnel vision, that would be beyond tragic.

I have been considering several safeties with strong sciences. It’s in my thread about getting into Columbia, ironically enough.

Rising sophomore seems too early at all to be working on a college list. Go live for a year. Study, join activities that are interesting, and completely stay off CC if you can. You will be in a much better place if you do that, believe me. You anxiety is way too high about this for your age. Another year of maturity, a better idea of your HS GPA, and even a PSAT score are going to help focus your college search. Stop worrying about this. Colleges, honestly, can smell the student who has directed all their focus into getting into school. What they really want is “interested and interesting”.

I have a kid who cared little for the college search (and occasionally too little about her classroom work). But she was very interested in her hobbies and EC pursuits, and also put up killer test scores. She got in everyplace she applied, including some top schools. And in the end, she didn’t pick the tippy top school she thought would be her top choice going in – she chose a different (also excellent, but slightly lower ranked) school that was a perfect fit for her. She’s headed to a PhD program next week in her major, and wouldn’t trade her undergrad experience for any other school.

So… don’t stress. Work hard and pursue genuine interests. Come back to this fall
of junior year.

Sometimes I have essential questions about college stuff that I can’t get anywhere else. Esp. during the summer when I can’t spend hours in the GC’s office. I study aggressively. I am doing activities that interest me! I think I’m pretty “interested and interesting”.

In coming up with a way to have community impact, my advice is to think small. And by that I mean to focus on one thing. For instance, if food banks need food or “food deserts” are a problem, meet with someone and find out a need to target. Our church does a peanut butter Sunday once a month since PB is high nutrition shelf stable item. So do some publicity and get churches on board or persuade schools in your system to add bringing PB to a school night etc. Organize a competition for canned goods among classrooms and get a prize donated for winner (pizza party if allowed, etc). Ask administration to allow anyone who brings food item to wear a hat one day - sometimes it doesn’t take much. Or mac n cheese or whatever.

Or do a sock drive for the winter. Plan a mittens and gloves drive (or fill the tree event). In other words, don’t try to solve entire hunger issue or whatever. Even a small, targeted projects shows initiative, planning and organizing skills, and community spirit.

If you want to think bigger food wise, look on-line at what groups in other parts of country are doing and see if you can plug into that.

To echo what others have said, very few students create something from scratch. Cut yourself from slack.

For leadership colleges don’t just care about school positions that have titles such as president. A job can show leadership and commitment. I know my daughter who is a figure skater was told by a few college admissions staff that being a volunteer instructor at a learn to skate program is considered leadership. Running a sock drive for an organized place like a church would also be considered leadership. You don’t need a school title to show leadership.

I understand a tad about your math frustration. However if none of the kids at your school are allowed to start past algebra 1 why do you feel you rightfully belong ahead of all the other kids at your school. Sure another school may be different but that isn’t your school. Rather than ask for it just for you could you approach it with the guidance counselor as asking about advancing in math for all honor students. Interestingly I remember talking to my nephew who is now going into his senior year at Brown for computer science. He took AP Calculus AB and his school didn’t offer BC. He thought he would be behind in math compared to other cs majors. It turned out that he met many who had just taken precalculus in high school.

Plenty of other kids are allowed to start past algebra 1 at my school. Anyway, I can’t risk a single weak point of my app.

But at this point, you likely don’t know what’s “a weak point.” You haven’t had time to learn much about what the colleges consider strong. Or how to learn that.

Eg, this idea about a non profit isn’t what makes “strong.” Ambition isn’t bad. But take time to learn what really matters. What the colleges say. It’s different than hs.
Look for it. Don’t assume.

If you can take thru pre-calc at your school then you are fine. Lots of kids come from small schools that top out there. There are small rural schools all over the country. Don’t double up on math. Colleges will compare you with other students at your school in terms of how rigorous a schedule you take - not other schools. If you want to obsess about academics, then start doing test prep for ACT/SAT and definitely plan to take PSAT in Junior year. High test scores can help in college scholarships, etc.

D2’s schools gives great, basically full ride scholarships. In her scholarship groups were kids from schools with IB programs, advanced math tracks, etc. There were also kids from small private schools that had “average” math pacing - no algebra until HS- and didn’t offer foreign language until HS so as to not stress the students. Kids from both type schools got the same scholarship.

Why were other kids allowed to start past algebra and you weren’t?

Back to your first post. You have some idea kids who start a business, claim to have national awards, self teach, etc, have some special advantage with college apps. Not. Nor is it kids with the most AP or who claim to have fundraised for some distant charity, etc.

CC (even some adults) likes to think there are “glory points” that work magic. It doesn’t work that way in holistic, for tippy tops.

I do think you’re clever, with some wit. But one can work their concerns/dissatisfactions so much, twist and turn, fret and complain, until the fabric is shredded. People around them can be uncomfortable. Don’t miss the forest for the trees. If you seriously want a school like Columbia, put your own effort into learning what qualities they like, want, and need. (And others like that, that may not be as crazy competitive.) Then try to fulfill that, in your own ways. Be that sort, empowered in the right, meaningful ways. Informed.

A few hours/mo at a meal site, starting now, can be 2 years worth, by app time. Many kids only do random hours via a club. And it’s more, in real terms, thsn that kid who holds a fundraiser, a party.

Try to learn, then we can help you refine.

@scmom12 I’m taking the PSAT in the fall, but I have no idea how to study and no money for prep courses. Amazon review books?

@momtogirls2 inhales So if there are enough people in your grade that perform well enough for the advanced STEM classes, I think the minimum is 5, then in 7th grade, the teachers make two separate classes, an advanced math/sci, and a regular one. My entire grade is 16 people, and according to the 6th-grade math teacher (that’s when they decide who goes into which class), I was the only one who would have qualified. That may seem like bragging but it happens to be a simple fact. So, they couldn’t make a class for one person; it just wouldn’t have been efficient. Now in 6th, 7th, and 8th grade, I had no idea about this. Had I learned that this option existed, I would have fought tooth and nail to accelerate myself a year, but the past is the past. I’ve dealt with it. BUT the possibility of getting ahead still exists. Lots of people on CC are telling me that if I want to get ahead, the easiest way to do that is by doing geometry/alg2 next year. My original plan was to do alg2 junior year, take a CC precalc class, and be on my way to calculus my sr. year. My GC is fine with the former plan, but not the latter. Since course rigor matters, not taking calculus would mean not as rigorous of a course load. Everyone’s saying I don;t know what colleges actually want to see but I know for a fact that they want to see that you took the most rigorous courses available. exhales

@lookingforward I do all my CS on my own. No club; it’s voluntary and I don’t think there are a required # of hrs to graduate. I probably have close to 100 hrs already, and they’re pretty consistent, except for like a community dinner that happens once a year.

Libraries have test prep books. If not at local, ask librarian about intra library loans. You can likely find old tests/practice tests on-line somewhere. Ask your school librarian or guidance counselor for resources. You certainly can buy them on-line. If you are good student, I don’t think you need prep courses.

Course rigor is judged against what your school offers. Not what you can get elsewhere. You are taking the most rigorous schedule if you are taking the highest level courses available throughout your HS years. If your school tops out at pre-cal and you do that, you are taking most rigorous schedule in eyes of college admissions.

No, there is calculus at my school. AP AB. Thanks for the study guide advice.

It’s not cs hours total. It’s what you commit to, how different parts add up.

The GC answers the rigor question. Adcoms will see the transcript but the GC gives the relative answer.

The GC is ok with geom/alg2 soph year, then precalc jr and AP calc sr? Is that what you mean? You know not to wear her out, right?

In fact, make improving your rel with her a priority this fall. That may mean backing off a bit and only going in with focused questions. Not rattling her with the insecurities or blind ambition.

STEM major? You do need math -sci ECs. You don’t need awards but do need to show you’re pursuing stem activities. Again, with some consistency.

IK it’s not hrs total. Just a frame of reference.

GC is NOT ok w/ geom/alg2 soph year. Maybe I confused latter and former.

Ok, when I wrote that I was in the heat of the moment. Our relationship is actually pretty good, and I am working on only asking serious questions. She likes me and thinks I have potential. She also knows that I have an anxiety disorder and she probably takes that into account.

Joining SciOly. Also, I want to enter the Conrad Challenge. I’ve been doing this girls’ STEM camp for 2 years and probably next summer, too. I’m going to apply for a medical research internship jr/sr year. I’m also set to volunteer at the hospital in the fall.

Ok. Now make sure there’s a good separate compassion-driven long-ish term activity. Not hanging with seniors.

And are you working on the anxiety with a pro? It will help if you can show the GC progress with this, I know that can be challenging.

Adding: EC-wise, with maybe some tweaks, you’re not in bad shape for a rising soph. This coming year will define your interests and opps more.

Plus you have more at school, right? Musicals? Or is that someone else?

I’ve already made lots of progress: earlier this year I got sent down to her office because I got too upset from a hole punch malfunctioning, but just last week I was away from home doing college-level work and I was fine. All my teachers have commended me for my growth since then.

There is lots more at school. I’ll be doing speech and debate like I have been for the past 3 years. I play soccer and softball. There is a musical, but I decided not to do it so that I could focus on ECs related to my major. You said I should tweak my ECs? Like, How?

ok, wow. I totally misunderstood your 1st line. I thought you meant that thing where you serially join like 12 clubs in senior year. sorry. Um, I guess my idea for the community out reach is pretty compassion-driven. I forgot to mention that I won an essay contest 1st place in NYS. I’m pretty strong in writing, too.

Meant to post this earlier when I had the numbers in front of me, but – I looked up the schools of my 60+ fellow interns, and there were more people from my school, a ~lowly state university,~ than from any Ivy League. The closest was Cornell with (IIRC) 5 interns, which just about tied Rutgers and lost to Penn State and the University of Waterloo.

Like I said – nowhere is a magic ticket.