Am I Just a Failure?

Pre-College Issues High School Life
1

RANT
I am so anxious and self- doubting right now. I feel like I work so hard and that it’s fruitless and that I’m spinning my wheels and that it will all be to no avail. I have so few resources at my disposal, and It’s incredibly hard to create them from scratch. For example, my school is tiny and rural and nobody’s ever heard of it. If you’ve read my threads you know all the sad details, but also we’ve never ranked in anything or had national recognition or is even well-known for anything. I can’t take the classes I really want to and I can’t do all the activities I want to because of my situation.

I’m worried that everything I work towards is merely a dream and that I’ll never get to taste real satisfaction or happiness, ever. I’m always told that I’m smart and that I have potential and I’ve always been at a higher developmental stage than most of my peers but is it just going to get lost in the exhaust of my dad’s rusty pickup truck? If I never have a chance to hone my skills, what good are they? I’m always depressed and I feel trapped and I know it’s not my fault that I live in Nopsetown, USA and that my school is mediocre, but I feel horrible because I see all these people who are taking Honors Algebra II in 10th grade, and starting non-profits and winning national prizes and teaching themselves calculus from a textbook. Well, I can’t take Honors Algebra II in 10th grade. My school HAS NO HONORS and I didn;t get a chance at the advanced math/science track because my class of 16 people was too small to warrant having separate classes for just ONE PERSON. and no, my GC won;t let me do anything about it. “Oh, you’ll be fine, sweetie. You’ll take pre-calculus! It’ll be fine for your application!” NO, IT WON’T.

I know nothing about entrepreneurship. I obviously can;t compete with someone who started a highly successful business in middle school. I can’t go anywhere or do anything and the few opportunities I do have are so minute they might as well be non-existent. I know colleges look at you in the context of your school, but I’m just so pathetic that it doesn’t matter. I want to do things and have experiences and yes, CCers, I want to start a non-profit health outreach in my community. It makes me cry to see people with such apathy towards good, old-fashioned cavorting in the fields. Yes, I want to join Science Olympiad and win awards. Yes, I want to start a Red Cross Club. I want to do so many things and all I get is the assumption that I’m doing it for college admissions. I read “How To Be a High School Superstar”. I get it. I have interests. I am interesting. I never see anyone else getting flack for doing the same things I am. I have come too far to go back but I feel like I’m stagnant right now. I can’t talk to my teachers because I don’t want them to hate me and I need their recommendations.

My GC HATES me because I walk into her office every day with creases between my eyebrows and some off-the-books question like, oh, I don’t know, “can I take geometry and algebra II together?” Well, I tell you what. I will sit myself down in that class no matter what I am told. This is the USA and I have the right to an education. That’s not outrageous, taking 2 math classes at once, is it? Maybe I’ll just show her all the people who take like three every year. And another thing: I am always, ALWAYS told to get of CC until my junior year. Does the same apply for the kids using this for prep school admissions help? Are they told to get off? No; I am. What did I do wrong? Was it being ambitious just like every other person on this site? Is it simply the fact that wherever I go I can’t make friends? Does that ability transcend fiber-optic cables?

I owe it to myself and my parents and my little sister to get out of here and make something of myself. I feel like I can’t even have that; that the system is rigged against me and nobody wants me to succeed. Are there lots of schools? Yes. Do the offer adequate education? Yes. Are they environments where I can truly shine and make a difference? Will I feel satisfied with my life when I’m a 95-year-old widow who can;t do anything but stare out the filmy window of her nursing home apartment and reminisce about the old Academy days? NO and NO.

Do I really deserve such a measly return after such a long-waged, hard-fought battle? Must the prime of my life be merely a magnification of the depravity of my formidable years?

You know what? I bet all of us feel like this at some point, even the cancer-curing, international olympiad-winning, novel-writing among us. I bet I’d be one of the few to actually say it.

2

You’re a rising 10th grader. Learn to breathe. At this point, you don’t know what colleges look for. You’ve yet to take on challenges, so what have you failed at? And be willing to seek help, in your real life.

3

That’s just it. I haven’t done anything with my life yet. I’d rather have already tried a thousand things and have none of them work than have tried nothing at all.

4

You’re a rising 10th grader. Learn to breathe. Most kids haven’t accomplished anything yet. You haven’t had a 2nd year of hs, haven’t taken the SAT/ACT, haven’t applied to colleges.

If you’re projecting this much worry at 14 or 15, the priority is learning to breathe.

5
  1. Most kids don't go to Ivies.
6

And most kids end up just fine.

7

Yes. That’s the point. The odds are against any applicant and there’s nothing you can do about that. So you can’t pin your happiness on getting into a school with a >90% rejection rate.

Schools are just schools. All of them suck in some way or another, and none of them are a magic ticket to a happy life.

8

And I realize you’re just venting here, but when you’ve calmed down, come back and re-read what you’ve written and realize how much of it is completely nonsensical. You know that you’re evaluated in the context of your school but you think there’s something about you specifically that makes that not apply? What?

And prep school applicants have to be on here because their apps aren’t two to three years in the future, they’re now.

Apply some logic to it. Things may feel horrible but that’s your mind catastrophizing.

And a final point – mental states follow you wherever you go. If you’re this anxious in high school, college may not be a panacea for your problems.

9

MY advice, as a mom and high school teacher?? Ignore 95% of what you read here.

This site is not “the real world.” Nowhere close. It’s full of amazing kids claiming to do amazing things.

I teach in a large Catholic high school prep 45 minutes from Manhattan. And the vast majority of things I read here simply do NOT happen in my school.

Doubling up on math courses? nope. Taking courses over the summer for school credit? nope. The list goes on and on and on. Yet our kids get into the kinds of schools you’re aiming for… and I’m one of the Precalculus teachers. Last year we had 6 Precalc sections of 32-38 kids each, next year there will be 7. That’s an awful lot of kids who aren’t seeing Calc until college-- but they get into good colleges. Your guidance counselor isn’t wrong here.

Oh, and when you say “most kids don’t go to Ivies”-- you’re absolutely right. The admission rates at Ivies are miniscule. So most kids IN THE COUNTRY-- at those big prep schools, here on CC-- DON’T go to Ivies. The difference is that here on CC many seem to think that they’ll beat the odds. Most are wrong. But they don’t come back in May and tell you that, they simply fade away from the conversation.

You do have a few amazing things going for you.

One is that smallness. It means your teachers can really get to know you, and that will be reflected in your letters. It means you can ask the questions and get the answers, something that isn’t always possible in a larger school. It means you can stand out more readily, since you don’t have to climb over 600 other kids to get to the top.

A second is your natural abilities. I sense that you’re a bright kid. Going to a small school won’t cap that.

The third is internet access. Stop and think-- there is SO MUCH of what you want that you can do online.

Let’s talk about online courses. Nope, you won’t get credit at your school for taking Algebra II. But find other courses, things that reflect your interests-- not resume building, but things that interest you-- that you can take. They’re out there-- find them!

You mention starting a non profit. Why on earth can’t you do that? You say you want to start a non-profit health outreach in your community-- what’s stopping you? What do you hope it will accomplish? What does your community need? Have you spoken to medical personnel?

My guess is that, if your community is as small as you say, there’s an awful lot you can do that will actually help people. Again, I’m not talking about resume building, I’m talking about making a difference.

Fighting with your guidance counselor isn’t the answer. Showing her that there are other kids who can do things you can’t isn’t the answer.

WITHOUT ANGER, tell me a little about your community. Where are you geographically (you can keep it general.) What is the biggest problem the adults in your community seem to face? How’s the employment situation? Medical care? Child care? Is it prone to floods/tornados/ hurricanes/ whatever? You’re a bright kid, so think: what does your community need that you can help with? Don’t look at the big, overwhelming problems, but look at some of the small things that could make life better for the people in your town. How can you help? Could you start some type of childcare coop? Could you work on emergency awareness-- making sure that if the tornado sirens go off that local business owners all provide a safe place to shelter? Think locally, not about what people here have done. What can YOU do to make life in your town better???

I’m hoping that your OP was the result of a bad day. And that’s fine, we all have them.

The reality is that you play the hand you’re dealt, and yours is smalltown USA. Great. So play it. Find your strengths, and your school’s strengths, and play to them. Find your weakenesses, and your community’s, and work to make them better.

10

Yes, I did have a bad day. All-nighter, too. So, I’m closer to Canada than Canada is to Canada. I could take two wrong steps and I’d be arrested for border violation. Like I said, one of the major issues is adequate access to healthy food and exercise. Everything is so spread out and not everyone has cars. I know very little about how to create/run a business, and I don’t know who to contact and I worry about being able to communicate effectively. Thank you for listening and reaching out.

11

OK, great. I’m glad to hear that a lot of your post was simply a rough day.

Let’s talk about what you could do.

(Oh, and I’ve never started my own business. I’m a math teacher in NY and the mom of 3 teens.)

Not everyone has cars. So it seems that transportation is one issue you could handle. Could you talk with local churches and synogogues to see if someone has a program to get people to and from doctor’s appointments? I bet there are lots of people who could do it, it simply needs to be organized.

Could you work with the county Dpt. on Aging to ensure that the elderly in your community are adequately prepared for the long cold winter? Do something with local supermarkets to ensure see what they do with food that’s nearing its expiration date? Could you set up some sort of telephone chain where kids and stay at home moms check in via phone with the elderly during snow storms? Could you set up volunteers to shovel the elderly out?

12

Those sound like great ideas. I’ll consider that and try to write up a business proposal or something. I feel a lot better. Thanks.

13

Create/run a business???
Why not work with a local religious or existing organization to help feed the poor- a meal site or food pantry?

It’s not necessary to “reinvent the wheel.” Certainly not at your age. You wouldn’t know how to start and manage a nonprofit, get donations and workers. (And imagine if every one who wanted to volunteer thought the only way was to form their own.)

14

I’ll second the post by @bjkmom …

How do you make lemonade out of your situation? Your list of issues above isn’t anyone’s reality: nobody has access to all of those things. You’ve extracted individual statements and merged them into a “super being” that doesn’t exist. Of the entire list, what are the one or two things you REALLY want to do for yourself? Not the ones that you think look good to admissions officers…what do YOU really care about? Focus your energy there, and consider ways to expand that area.

For example: explore ways to join a Science Olympiad team. Contact the national organization and tell them of your interest and limitations. Work with them to find solutions so kids in your situation have options in a few years. See if you can join a team in a neighboring town/county. Try to build a regional / state team that is virtual. All of this is made up and isn’t meant to start a conversation about the political structures and geographic limitations of Science Olympiad. It’s meant purely as a theoretical example of the way you might turn a very real limitation into an opportunity. Schools love that. There are 10,000 people your age doubling up on math…do you really want to be 10,001? Your competition isn’t those private school kids in NY and California whose parents are typing on this site 98% of the time, it’s other resource constrained, geographically challenged kids just like you. Stand out against them, and you’ll be just fine.

The only other suggestion would be to stay positive. Schools are looking for students to be productive, supportive, interesting members of a community. If your energy is negative, that might harm your chances as much as the list you provided above.

15

Wait, I’m having fun with this.

You’re in a cold climate. Could you check online with manufacturers of cold weather stuff-- blankets, coat, etc, to see what they do with their irregulars? (Stuff with minor cosmetic issues.) Would they consider donating them to your town’s Senior Center?

Do you have a Senior Center? is there a place where Senior Citizens can gather to chat, play cards, and have some companionship? Is there a place in a church basement, or school cafeteria, where you could start one?

16

The idea is to find a way to simply plug into an existing org, one where the work is already set up, volunteers show up and help.

You do not need to form your own.
Senior center is good, but often can be just socializing. Feeding the hungry is often more vital. (Yes, that could be seniors.)

The idea is to roll up your sleeves and help. Not get distracted by forming your own, which you have no experience to know how to do or manage. That’s pie in the sky. That can take months.

Call a church office. See what you can do now. Call around. In poor areas, there are many existing options. Youth are welcome.

17

No, no senior center. There are several churches that hand out food, warm clothes, and other supplies to the elderly, though. I already volunteer occasionally at these events (they only happen on certain days), and I feel that we need to build on this, which is what I want to do, essentially. I could definitely reach out to the people in charge of this event.
I don’t just want to double up on math for the “admissions boost” (IK there is none). I want to bring the forces of life back into harmony by being in the classes I should rightfully be in. I think my school has a SciOly team, but beyond that I’m clueless. I’m contacting the advisor at my school, so I hope to get some answers.

18

Start with your school website and last year’s yearbook. See what’s already there.

19

Right, I wasn’t saying I would start a center. I know that feeding hungry people is more important.

20

Ok, some fast x-posting was happening. Giving to others is good and can allay many frustrations. Good you already try. Your small efforts make more sense, in the long run-- it is no tip in admissions to have started some non profit. It is the actual actions on behalf of the needy that matters more.