<p>That’s really irrelevant. Different people have different values. </p>
<p>My wife and I both went to top colleges and got significant financial aid, including a free ride to MIT for me. Neither of us believe that we would have fared as well at our cheaper public options. </p>
<p>Knowing how valuable our educations have been to us, I would never buy a new Lexus or take an Alaska vacation before providing for my children’s’ education at a private school. </p>
<p>Some people don’t know the value, and how can they be faulted for that, but some people know the value, don’t care and would rather have the Lexus. What can I say. </p>
<p>Whatever the parent’s viewpoint is, it does have consequences for the children with respect to financial aid, so legal obligation not withstanding, I think that the OP has a reason to be underwhelmed with his parent’s choices.</p>
<p>I could not agree with ClassicRockerDad or Higgins more - - so OP, you totally have my sympathy (I, too, was a child of divorce which is also very challenging).</p>
<p>At any rate, I was just going to also suggest SUNY Geneseo as a school to check out and maybe RIT. I know people who have attended SUNY Geneseo, and they were great, very bright kids and were extremely happy there. </p>
<p>RIT also has some very generous merit aid options . . .you can see them online. If you were able to get an $18,000 award from RIT and then add your parents $10k contribution, you would still need to take loans, but they wouldn’t be bad. Plus RIT has co-op so you could work a couple of semesters and make some decent money to help cover room and board expense. It probably wouldn’t be quite as easy/loan free as a public state option, but RIT has some outstanding programs and their career office places people in some very high paying jobs. </p>
<p>Good luck to you. I’m sure you will do well regardless of where you attend!</p>
<p>In answer to the OP’s request about what kids were offered…</p>
<p>My daughter was a NMS, but did not apply for any of those specific scholarships. She got full tuition at Pitt, which she took. She also got a full tuition offer at our flagship: University of Maryland.</p>
<p>DD is happiest, I think, about graduating debt free. She also was pretty happy to tell people that in a way she was earning her tuition money: mom and dad were not paying. At the time of application, she had a 4.0 unweighted and 2290 on her SATs, and she had pretty good ECs.</p>
<p>I just want to address the bolded, as I think you are narrowly pigeon-holing parents unfairly. We also have doctorates (not blue-collar- each of us has multiple degrees), yet we are not willing to go into massive debt for our children’s education. Why? For the very legitimate reason that we are probably 15 years older than other parents sending kids to college. Though we have never even used our health insurance in the quarter-century that we have been married (even home-birthed!), I’ve had three operations in the past 18 months. Sorry, but stuff happens…and with health insurance the way it is, it hardly pays anything. That’s where some big money went. I stayed home 3 days after my appendix ruptured and nearly died, but hey -I’m tough and thought I had the flu! </p>
<p>I take excellent care of myself, and eat organic, but geez, stuff happens. It would be foolish to obligate ourselves to any loans at this juncture. We also drive old, paid-off vehicles and always have. We live in a very moderate house for our income level, which allows our children to do expensive things (expensive sport + travel). We did make some provision by purchasing rental houses, but when that’s gone, that’s it. It’s incumbent upon the kids to make it work.</p>
<p>So…don’t assume. Please. Not all parents who will not obligate themselves to debt are uncaring or blue-collar. If you can pay outright for your two kids in private college right now, more power to you. That’s awesome. If you are going into debt, I just hope you stay perfectly well and nothing happens to the wage earners in your home.</p>
<p>I understand where your coming from, but even YOU do the best you can with what you have and if you could afford it without putting yourself in at financial risk you probably would have. You didn’t buy a car that costs a year’s tuition and take a vacation that costs 25% of one, yet only offered your offspring 10K for college. </p>
<p>Also, if you are confident that you would be able to pay it off, some parental debt is reasonable. You don’t sound that confident that you will be able to pay it off because you are older than most, so I can see why you don’t want to obligate yourself. </p>
<p>We live in a pretty wealthy town, and some people really value the education, and some people in the country club set don’t see any value in paying any more then what it costs to send their kids to UMASS. They are mostly successful business owners who don’t have that kind of education themselves and don’t see the value. </p>
<p>If you’re a kid in my community who sees the value but have parents who don’t, you really have the options that I showed the OP in an earlier post. That’s it. I sympathize with those kids.</p>
<p>Top schools do not give merit aid, so if you think you will qualify for that, apply to less elite schools. The Ivies (and others in that category) only give need-based aid.</p>
<p>Merit money can be very generous, and it is given regardless of income at some schools. We never filled out a FAFSA and DD did not apply for scholarships, yet she still received offers (some a half-ride plus paid internship) of excellent merit aid.</p>
<p>OP - thanks for generating some good discussion. I am with the apparent majority who feel an obligation as a parent to sacrifice some of my standard of living in order to fully prepare my children for life. You have my empathy, even though it is their money.</p>
<p>One point that seems to have been overlooked is that OP’s parents bought a Lexus with annual income of $135k. Even without children, I would say that this is an unaffordable luxury for them. A good rule of thumb is that a prudent person would spend no more than 20% of take home pay on vehicles (rapidly depreciating asset). Since taxes would likely bring OP’s parent’s income below $100k, that would leave $20k for all family cars - obviously the Lexus exceeds that amount.</p>
<p>Of course most families do spend more than 20% on cars, but this is simply another indication that values and finances can vary widely in our society. I proudly drive a 15-year old car with 180k miles since it (at least partially) allows me to send two children to highly selective universities.</p>
<p>I have to say I agree with #15.
Yes, its frustrating when you see your friends parents fully funding college for their adult children.
Yes, I would agree that I assisting my children with their undergrad education as much as we could, was a priority for us.</p>
<p>Attending ANY college after high school, makes a student part of the “elite”. No need to attend a “dream school” to do so, particularly if it isnt in the budget.
It also rubs me the wrong way to hear adult children be so judgy as to what their adult relatives spend their own money on.</p>
<p>Unless you actually have access to all their records, you don’t know what their income & debt is, anymore than citygirlsmom knows about her neighbors.
Id suggest if its a priority for you for them to spend their money on your education, be the kind of student & person that would make them want to do so. </p>
<p>Your impression of your state schools may be accurate or it may not be. Visit and make your own decision. Additionally, many states have some version of this [WICHE</a> Region | Western Interstate Commission for Higher Education](<a href=“http://www.wiche.edu/states]WICHE”>The 16 States and Territories We Serve | WICHE Region) to allow students in neighboring states to get a great bargain.</p>
<p>Use credits from AP tests to place out of classes & save money.
Attend community college, volunteer with Americorps & earn an educational award, qualify for merit aid.</p>
<p>Complain about the adults in your life or take charge of your life.</p>
<p>I don’t think that ONLY $10,000 per year per kid is exactly chump change. That’s just shy of half the cost of most flagships. And I don’t feel like parents should have to forego all vacations, etc. until they can plunk down some arbitrary amount. </p>
<p>I’m glad the OP came back, and hopefully he/she will be able to find a great school that’s in budget.</p>
<p>Even YOU? What is that supposed to mean?
Did you note that it is the OP’s STEPFATHER and mother who did these things? This OP is not the stepfather’s child, first of all, and is not obligated. Yes, staying married has its advantages for kids, and I believe is a parent’s first duty (if at all possible, not married to an ax murderer, yada yada). </p>
<p>The OP’s mother and his father are the ones who will make the decision as to how much they can contribute. You are right, we do and would do anything for our children (the children of both of us, since we are married), but even we have to be reasonable. I can fully understand when parents are not together, how that factors in negatively for the children in terms of college education, as they are supporting two households. That’s just unfortunate for the OP. But you seem to be suggesting that the STEPfather, who took his wife and OP’s mother on these trips and bought this expensive car is somehow obligated not to do so. </p>
<p>These aren’t financial choices I would make, obviously, but I simply don’t think it’s our - or the OP’s - call how someone not obligated to financially support him spends money. </p>
<p>Of course we all know that most millionaires, the non-showy ones, get married and stay married, according to “The Millionaire Next Door”. It’s just the most financially astute decision. But you have to play the hand of cards you are dealt and not all of us got this perfect scenario.</p>
<p>I did notice that discrepancy. Our income exceeds this but I bought our last vehicle cash for 8 grand (30,000 miles, driven by an 80 year old man). I haven’t had a car payment since the early 90’s, so I am flummoxed when people spend like that for vehicles.</p>
<p>First, we’re not sure it was a NEW Lexus. That was not said. Second, we don’t know the conditions under which it was purchased, and OP may not know either. I can tell you that my children don’t know what my income and assets are totally, and they certainly don’t know the details of my purchases.</p>
<p>And it may very well have been new. Mom and stepdad may have saved and worked SPECIFICALLY to get an item that they really wanted - who knows.</p>
<p>Yes, values are different - I just think we shouldn’t necessarily jump to conclusions.</p>
<p>@cromette - I stand corrected - I did make a number of assumptions. However, the people I have known that take Alaskan cruises are not the kind who shop for used cars. Even if the car was used, the fact that OP cited two recent luxurious (and I would editoialize - extravagant) purchases while a child is nearing college age led me to believe my conclusions were reasonable.</p>
<p>rmldad - we don’t know the situation. New Lexus vs. used Lexus. Stepdad’s income vs. Mom’s income. Agreement between Mom and Stepdad. Agreement between Mom and Dad. Whose vehicle is it - Mom’s? Stepdad’s? </p>
<p>We’re assuming we know how much the Lexus cost. We don’t.</p>
<p>Crossposted with rmldad.</p>
<p>Yes, I understand, it looks extravagant. We just really don’t know.</p>
<p>The Lexus doesn’t seem to be a high ebd model. I beleive they searched for it because they wanted a nice car with a better mpg than the big suv they had bought just before the recession. </p>
<p>Thank you all for generating some good discussion to help me and many other children of divorced parents out there!</p>
<p>One more question: can anyone recommend a way to let my patents drop their 3 hour geographic restriction so I can look at big merit schools and schools that use the css and not the ncp profile?</p>
<p>Leicester - take it to them, buddy. Prepare your argument with an excel spreadsheet showing the potential cost savings. Be sure to add in any additional cost you may run into for travel.</p>
<p>Go well prepared with some specific information. They’ll probably be impressed.</p>
<p>Make columns: School Name, hours away, Cost</p>
<p>and then rows for various different costs and potential/likely financial aid. </p>
<p>Add a column for comments such as (airport nearby, round trip airfare $xx)</p>
<p>For most of the merit schools, you don’t have to visit before you get in. Once you have the scholarship, they might even pay for you to visit. Also, it seems much more likely that your parents will allow you to go at that point. You will be older then and won’t seem like a kid.</p>
<p>Alternatively, talk up schools overseas like in South Africa or Australia. After that places like Pittsburgh will seem much closer.</p>
<p>Now it gets more complicated. Their contribution is significantly less than EFC, but they don’t want you to follow the scholarship money, which can have the effect of forcing you to take unreasonable amounts of student loan debt.</p>
<p>Perhaps you can look for a full ride so that you won’t have to depend on anything from your parents or step-parents. Look at the full rides in the lists linked from post #2.</p>
