<p>Hello.
So theres this guy in my class who always follows me and my friend around. He's a really quiet kid and doesn't have many friends because he doesn't talk to anyone. I took test prep with him last summer and he was the only person I knew so we talked a lot and I guess became friends. My friend and I get to school early everyday so we usually just wait in the cafeteria, and he's always there because he eats breakfast. So we talked a lot, and I guess since we were the only people nice to him, he thought we really liked being his friend. Then we started monitoring for teachers in the morning and at lunch. Usually the boys in my class go outside for lunch, but he just follows my friend and I upstairs. He doesn't do much, he just follows us upstairs and walks around and doesn't say anything. Then, he started following me and my friend home after school, even though he lives in the opposite direction. He followed us each about two times, so we told him nicely to stop following us, and he did. But it's still kind of annoying how he follows us everywhere. He doesn't sit down at a table unless we sit down first, and then he sits right across from us. We had a free day yesterday so i played cards with my friends. He would just drag a chair over and watch, and whenever we switched tables, he follows us to wherever we move. If we move a couple more times and he gets the message, he sits there and cries. I tried talking to him nicely, then ignoring him, then being kind of mean and letting him know that I don't want him around, but nothing worked. He'd stop for about a week, then forget about it and start again. My friend somewhat thinks he has a crush on us, but we don't like him in that way. He's also a really sensitive person. Even when I told him nicely to stop following us, he cried for the rest of the day. Ive tried talking to him, i tried ignoring him, i tried to be mean, but he still follows us. He stopped following us home, but my friend has extended day and she says he waits for her outside the exit. That is just plain creepy to me! She gets dismissed about 20 minutes after him and he just waits there. I don't think he's dangerous or anything, but its getting really annoying. Help? Does anyone have any ideas please?</p>
<p>If you are really his only “friends”, I would suggest you err on the side of being kind. He sounds like he doesn’t have social skills or take social cues – but that doesn’t mean his feelings don’t get hurt. Can you maybe have times when you include him/ talk with him (eg, invite him to play cards if he is sitting nearby?) But it is okay to be direct sometimes – “I know you live in the opposite direction, so you really don’t need to walk home with us. I will see you tomorrow, though. Bye!” </p>
<p>There are some things you can say that are less mean:</p>
<p>“Joe, this isn’t a good time to hang out right now. Can we talk later?”
“Joe, I’m going to go for a walk with Kate now, but will see you later.”</p>
<p>It sounds like you were friendly and did talk to him at one time. So I would suggest you still talk with him sometimes, but you don’t have to accept his presence all the time. Just keep being consistent, but don’t be mean.</p>
<p>I know a kid like this. Honestly, you don’t have to be his best friend or anything, but when you see him, I definitely think you should treat him kindly. Chances are that he does realize that you all don’t like him all that much. But try to have some empathy: it seems like he has no friends to speak of. You don’t have to invite him to parties with you or anything, but the least you could do is make his life a little bit more tolerable when you are around him. </p>
<p>Don’t do the table switching thing. I used to do that to a kid like this and looking back it was about the meanest and cruelest thing I could have done without doing something ridiculous. </p>
<p>If you really want to get rid of him, though, maybe you should find someone that would like to be friends with him and introduce them.</p>
<p>You’re making me feel bad for sometimes being that annoying quiet person who follows people around during/after class… but I’m chiming in here anyways.</p>
<p>It probably means the world to him when you’re nice to him… even if you’re not best friends with him, I bet it makes his day a whole lot better. Quiet, awkward people have feelings too, even if they don’t have a lot of close friends. If you have a big group of friends (one of those huge, loose, not super tight-knit groups), maybe you could invite him to visit with the whole group sometimes. It’ll be less awkward having a quiet person around if it’s a larger group, and maybe some of them will try being friends with him too.</p>
<p>Even if you get sick of having him around <em>all</em> the time, I hope it doesn’t kill you to be nice to him some of the time… invite him to play, or at least be polite at telling him to go away… maybe give him a reason so it’s less of a “we don’t like you”. Or if you make plans with him for later or something, it’d probably upset him a lot less when you ask him to give you some alone time.</p>
<p>There’s also a chance he’s really bad with social cues… some people are. If that’s the case, it’s better to be direct and polite (see intparent’s post)… passive aggressiveness and hints get really confusing, and probably won’t get you the desired results.</p>
<p>You sound like a real stuck up person. Honestly, some of your actions are very rude. I didn’t know this was “middle school confidential”. Be nice to the guy. We’re all humans doing this thing called life so just be nice. </p>
<p>Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk</p>
<p>Since you say that he doesn’t make you that uncomfortable and he’s not a threat, I think that you should just be nice to him. The amount of joy he’ll feel from your kindness would probably override the annoyance you feel. The way you describe him and the way you treat him makes me feel kind of bad for him…and the whole “table switching” sounds like something people did in elementary school. We’re at a time in our lives where being rejected by our peers is immensely hurtful. Considering the fact that he’s shy and doesn’t have many friends, I can’t imagine how painful it must be for him when the only person he feels a connection to sends him the message that his presence isn’t wanted. It might be a little weird for you to have someone follow you around and wait for you everywhere, but he’s obviously doing that to be nice and because he’d enjoy your friendship.</p>
<p>Edit:
Re-read your post and want to add that it really isn’t right to befriend someone because it’s the only person you know and can talk to, only to ignore and be mean to him once your other friends come back into your life. People aren’t there to occupy you with a temporary friendship until your actual friends come back into your life. If you didn’t like him, you shouldn’t of become friends with him in the first place. You basically used him for your own benefit and threw him away once you didn’t need him anymore. That’s kind of messed up :/</p>
<p>I would like to be his friend again if he behaved like he did before. To bbbran, for your information, i am in middle school and my maturity is my problem. Ive resorted to being mean because i tried telling him nicely a lot of times and it didn’t work. This is life. Not everyone is nice 100% of the time.</p>
<p>Kindly tell him you need some girl time with your friend when you walk home. I agree with others include him sometimes. I bet he doesn’t pick up on all these cues and you will need to be kindly direct. I would also try to get him more involved with others. The more friends he makes the less time he will have to follow you. I’m sure he is not a threat, just extremely lonely in middle school. Treat him with the respect you would want.</p>
<p>If you talk to him more instead of ignoring him and if you introduce him to more people as your friend, not only will he be more fun and interesting to be around as he gains confidence, but he’ll also make new friends and not feel the need to follow you around so much.</p>
<p>WOW!!! I wouldn’t blame him for doing that. You give him so many mixed signals. One second you act like you two are close friends, then the next you are being mean and ignoring him. Try talking to him and getting to know him. I’ll tell you this, some of the quietest people in the world turn out to be some of the best friends you could ever have.</p>