anonymous boarding school q&a

<p>My son is at boarding school. He receives FA and is far from being any sort of typical "insider" or member of any clique. He had a great opportunity for next year and was adamant about staying put.</p>

<p>As a parent, I've seen plenty of positive changes in him. And the school community is fantastic. His experience is the exact opposite of lbftw's. 100% diametrically opposed to it. And, considering he was given the opportunity to escape from what lbftw would presume is a quasi-hellish life, I don't think he was blowing smoke when he said it was great. Nor do I think he's blowing smoke of any sort -- legal or otherwise -- when he praises the school. He's as cynical as they come.</p>

<p>But I hardly think that his experience is universal. I don't even presume that it's typical. And here's the disconnect...and why this thread seems to frustrate many parents here: it is far more important for a student who is disgruntled and had a failed experience to seek affirmation that that experience is the "norm," than it is for a student who has had a successful experience to seek affirmation that that experience is the "norm."</p>

<p>The person who is dissatisfied with an experience or product will find external sources to blame. The person who is satisfied, on the other hand, will be more apt to take personal credit for successes or accomplishments. This latter group, generally speaking, actually has a disincentive to acknowledge that their success is systemic.</p>

<p>Understanding this thread from that perspective, I am not outraged, incensed, frustrated or longing for more balanced observations. It's just interesting and even if the teens (or some gullible adults) were to take all the sour grapes to heart, I still think highly enough of the human subconscious to believe that appropriately-sized grains of salt are being duly administered. So it's more entertaining than anything...and, yes, laced with some valuable insights that make it worth following. And, if it weren't for that need to be "right" and "win" in order to externalize the fault, there would be a few issues here worth debating. We had some debates along those lines last spring -- with an adult who advocated NYC day schools as being superior to New England boarding schools -- and those threads (regardless of one's perspective or predisposition) were incredibly enlightening. For this thread, incredibly entertaining will have to suffice as a substitute.</p>

<p>i'm just a strange outlier, but there were plenty of times when i told my parents i was happy when i wasn't, things were good when they weren't, and i liked something when i didn't. because that's what they wanted to hear, things weren't really unbearable and most of all, i didn't feel like discussing it and i knew nothing positive would come of it.</p>

<p>oh wait, that's actually 95% of all teenagers in this country. that was most of you growing up. an experience that was the exact opposite of mine? give me a break.</p>

<p>parents wanna believe that there kid is smart, athletic, good-looking and thoroughly contented in all respects. you just keep believing that if it makes you feel better.</p>

<p>I don't think Choate is very snobby. Yes, there are people who belong in one of those "cliques" you've all described, but most of the kids are just normal, down to earth high schoolers. I would say 99% of the kids have their group of friends that they hang out with, but some just do their own thing and are happy about it. If you're not happy..you could always just leave or something...</p>

<p>
[quote]
oh wait, that's actually 95% of all teenagers in this country. that was most of you growing up. an experience that was the exact opposite of mine? give me a break.</p>

<p>parents wanna believe that there kid is smart, athletic, good-looking and thoroughly contented in all respects. you just keep believing that if it makes you feel better.

[/quote]

This is the attitude that is bothersome to parents. You can't admit that there are kids that actually DO have good experiences at Boarding School because you did not. We parents are not so naive to think that are kids tell us 100% of everything, that there are kids who are clearly more grounded than you were in fact than you are now.<br>
Yes, there ARE experiences that would be the exact opposite of yours, they just have better things to do than post here I guess.</p>

<p>lbfty............you seem so "jaded" at such an early age.....wow</p>

<p>OK, time for me to add to this discussion.</p>

<p>Look at this link Troll</a> (Internet) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia</p>

<p>Tell me, from lbftw's behavior - coming here to tell his negative experience at BS and to warn people that the parents don't know it all - setting up his own thread to answer purported "anonymous" questions when if you look at the history of threads here there are no stupid or embarassing questions "ask the lovemeister" comes to mind here - doesn't this all say concern troll with a potential sockpuppet.</p>

<p>While it is all good to advise that YMMV with experiences in BS and it is particularly good to point out signs that someone who has certain characteristics is a poor fit, a person who seems to live in this forum to draw attention to himself and claim to be a concerned authority seems to fit the description of a certain 5 letter word.</p>

<p>Let's not feed this one any more.</p>

<p>I 100% agree, goaliedad.. 'Nuff said</p>

<p>alright, i apologize for giving an opinion. you got me. you know everything about your kids and are well-attuned to their psyches.</p>

<p>let's get back to talking about the important stuff: deadlines, ssat results and why every single school is a great fit for everyone.</p>

<p>wow you guys, i really don't understand why the parents on this site are flipping out. I WANT TO GO TO A BOARDING SCHOOL!!!!! it's my dream, i've worked my butt off convincng my parents to let me go and filling out applications and studying for the ssat and i want to get in soooooooo badly!!!! I have heard excellent things about bs, which is why i want to go. but i am also interested in opinions of people who didn't like it, like lbftw, i want to know BOTH SIDES OF THE STORY!!!!!!!!!</p>

<p>If one kid was so easily swayed that all boarding schools were bad, just by reading lbftw's posts, then that kid probably isn't mature enough to go in the first place. i know this might be a bit of a shocker to some of you, but we're not as dumb as you seemt to think we are. we all WANT this!!!! lbtw isn't changing that, but he is sharing what happened to him and i hold a lot of respect for someone to come onto this site where half the people don't respect his opinion and still truthfully answer our (and my own) questions. (yes, i submitted a question, he's not making the questions up)</p>

<p>Parents, please, i value all of your opinions and you have been an enourmous help to me with bs, but let him answer our questions without harassment.</p>

<p>Amen, nelly.</p>

<p>Quite honestly, I have a hard time believing that these "adults" on CC are actually adults. They fight like old ladies and have a tendency of ganging up on one another. Its very middle school.</p>

<p>Parents, your child does not tell you as much as you think. You may hear about the test, the paper, the teacher, even their feelings, but you do not know what it is like to live at school as a teenager. I think that you need take lbftw opinions under serious consideration because there is truth to them. I’m going to try and address and offer my opinion on some of the issues that were brought up.</p>

<p>In general, prestigious boarding school’s lows are lower and highs are higher. There is an incredible amount of work. Grades are not inflated. Students are stressed. You learn to cope after faltering many times. You will never be the top of your class and you will probably never have a satisfactory GPA. But the academic offerings are unparalleled at these schools: teachers are there for you, taking ap classes and beyond is routine, Ph.D’s regularly teach in all departments, class sizes are tiny, etc. </p>

<p>The best boarding schools are like the best colleges- they tout diversity (and truly are diverse in many ways) but maintain a group of students who are a connection to the past. While there are not a huge number of these students, they have a disproportional effect on the school community and often times are the self designated “popular” students. I hesitate to use the word “popular” because I think that, at least at my school, students generally rise above labels like that. There is however a feeling of insider and outsider, of belonging and not. I don’t think it is fair to entirely, or even mostly, blame these students as the reason why some don’t have a good experience. While they are perhaps insiders, they are by no means (and here is where I disagree with lbftw) the smartest, most athletic, etc. I think other groups truly find pride in their own strengths, ones that are often earned characteristics not given ones. That being said there are many, many legacies who do not choose to have their identity be one connected to their previous family members at the school but to create their own. </p>

<p>On the question of college: Students won’t look down on one another for the colleges they will attend. People know who deserves to get in where. Even more common than having a connection to the school is to be a legacy at a good college. Often times the students who go to the top schools aren’t the best of the class but legacies, urms, and athletes—and there are many in each category at these boarding schools. I think it’s easier to see the unfairness of the college process at a boarding school when most of the students around you are qualified to go nearly anywhere. </p>

<p>I talked about only the negatives here. It is not my complete view.</p>

<p>I agree with Nelly. I think a lot of times boarding school on this forum comes off as your PERFECT school where there are no real problems, etc, but in reality-- there are many people at my school who aren't happy. I mean, there are many who ARE happy, but the other side of the story is important, too.</p>

<p>crickett, hahaha, amen to fighting in middle school! lol</p>

<p>Haha. As an "experienced" freshman I can give you the lowdown on 8th grade. I'm your girl.</p>

<p>haha i was talking about the old middle school days with a good friend of mine today.</p>

<p>just to note, many of you know that i would and do classify my boarding school experience as positive (and amazing and fantastic) on the whole. but i do not, under any circumstances, claim to have had the perfect experience, or that i have never had a problem. what i do know is that boarding school taught me to deal with these problems in ways that i might not have been capable of without the environment of a BS, and that it has shaped my experiences, both good and bad, to make me the person i am today. as a senior, i have a certain amount of perspective on my freshman/sophomore years, where many of you are or will be soon. boarding schools admit young students with potential and eagerness, and hopefully turn out young adults who have taken the opportunities given to them and turned them into something amazing. </p>

<p>not every moment of every day is going to be thrilling and wonderful. that's true no matter who or where you are. what's important to remember here, i think, is that its not that your S or D's experience was perfect and lbftw's was terrible-- its that each individual's experience will be part good, and part bad. its what you learn from it, and how you grow and mature because of it, that matters.</p>

<p>I don't think lbftw is a troll. I think he is 100% well-meaning. And I'm not being facetious.</p>

<p>I also think there are shards of truth to what he says. Much like a comedian is funny because his schtick intersects with reality every so often. And it is regrettable that he's got one mantra, often poorly articulated, and lacking maturity to recognize that his experience and views don't deserve to be extrapolated to a near universal truth. Many of the grievances he gives voice to deserve to be discussed here and articulated and discussed. Having someone engage in these sorts of conversations would only make this board a better place.</p>

<p>One of my earliest posts here -- perhaps the first thread I started -- asked people to air out the dirty secrets and skeletons in the closet of boarding school life. I wanted to hear the things the Admission Counselors don't talk about...and this is one of the only places people outside of the feeder schools can get that sort of information. So I applaud lbftw for keeping that contrarian spirit alive. I just wish the impetus for doing so was more about providing a valued resource than it is about affirming his experience as being typical...if not nearly universal.</p>

<p>Maybe lbftw thinks that this "alternative voice" will get lost if he doesn't push as hard in one direction as those who encourage every potential applicant here to apply to boarding school. Maybe lbftw is bitter that his boarding school couldn't shield him and all the other teens he knew from trials, tribulations, hormones or acne. I don't know. I have smelled out plenty of trolls here, but in the case of lbftw, I believe he had a rotten time in boarding school. I feel bad that that happened...and not because it's bad for the institution of boarding school. I just feel bad for anyone who had a rough time as a teenager. </p>

<p>I'm genuinely glad that he's sharing his views, and hope that he'll soon realize that he'll be much more persuasive and engage far more people if he wasn't hellbent on winning a debate that boarding school sucks when he could simply be providing a unique perspective that applicants can take into consideration with all the other information that they've gathered. </p>

<p>Coming here and knocking boarding school is going to be a tough sell on this corner of College Confidential. Maybe that's why I'm disappointed in lbftw's performance. He raises some points that deserve lots of discussion but they're delivered in the form of hyperbolic pronouncements that generate *dis*interest and plausible claims of troll status.</p>

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<p>As for the lectures about what our children tell us and don't tell us, most of the parents here were teenagers. Not just that, we were teens in the late 60s through the 70s in most cases. We've also changed diapers...and know far better than the teens here give us credit for when it comes to telling BS from shinola.</p>

<p>Of course there is truth in what ibftw says. There are going to be unhappy days at any school. I think the reason why parents are getting annoyed with ibftw is cuz he makes these generalization about cliques, snobby people, and not fitting in. Yeah, we are just hearing his side of the story and it won’t stop us from being excited about getting into boarding school. But, if you go back to his very first post, he started a thread “DON’T GO TO BOARDING SCHOOL.” It appears he has had an agenda from the beginning and we are just the lemmings following along.</p>

<p>I find some of his comments interesting. I guess this is what I think about when I read his posts…think of a nerdy kid at your school, one that doesn’t fit in, doesn’t have a lot of friends, doesn’t have the best grades…you know the type. If this kid started describing your high school, or your middle school, and said his experience was the way it was at your school, would you believe him? </p>

<p>I guess what I am still trying to figure out is what school rhymes with male genitalia? Taft=Shaft? :D</p>

<p>HAHAHAHHAAAA!! KitKatBar...
The curiosity is that intense? For you to spend even a minute of your time trying to figure out the nicknames for male body parts that are subsequently the names of potential schools?</p>

<p>well, he said
[quote]
school name rhymed with a slang term for male genitalia.

[/quote]
I thought he went to Choate, but the only thing I could think of was Deep Throat. That really didn't make sense. Any suggestions crickett?</p>

<p>I agree with Nelly. Parents on here are WAY too defensive. This is lbftw's thread, and if you don't like it, don't post.</p>