Another CB Essay - see if it matches?

<p>Could you give me advice and a score? Thanks</p>

<p>Prompt:
Is striving to achieve a goal always the best course of action, or should people give up if they are not making progress?</p>

<p>Perseverance and progress are often the product of incredible drive and incredible ambition. The story of human progress is littered with examples of men and women who strive to achieve human progress. But while burning ambition may be beneficial in achieving this , this same ambition can lead to catastrophic results; this why the striving for a goal – although often possessing some benefit – must be sometimes checked for not being the best course of action. The positive side of perseverance is seen in the example of the Solidarnosc Trade union while the opposite side where perseverance must sometimes be limited is seen in the example of the War in Afghanistan. </p>

<p>Communism and it’s chief propagator – the USSR – fell in the 90s as a result of relentless effort on the part of those who wanted to see social change. On participant in this effort was the Polish trade union Solidarnosci. Illegally formed, it led strikes and protests in the shipyards of Gdansk that resulted in the loss of life. The union’s leader and now icon hero of Commuism’s abrupt failure was Lech Walesa. Despite being imprisoned and smeared by the Soviet Union, he persevered and guided Poland to democracy after much protest.</p>

<p>The example of the War in Afghanistan is a frightening example of where perseverance must be limited as it is costly, while failing to produce results. Admittedly, the oppressive Taliban had been removed and social equity has now been mildly improved. But everyday, people die; American/Canadian soldiers and Afghan civilians. The economy of the country is stagnant and remains dependent upon opium. In terms of governance, the allied effort has left a true vacuum of power that will be tremendously difficult to fill with any sort of democracy. Finally, in fighting terrorism and extremis – the mission’s original mandate - it has only managed to cultivate further those radical seeds and make their ideology all the more appealing. </p>

<p>While perseverance and effort often produce stunningly positive results, not all efforts should be left unchecked as they are often costly and ineffective. Solidarnosc achieved massively progressive social upheaval whereas the War in Afghanistan into which much effort has been poured – has not. For these examples, it is clear that ambition and “striving” must often be followed , but only to a future success that is realistically achievable.</p>

<p>I think you hurt yourself by taking both sides of the issue. It forced you to devote just one example paragraph to each side of the dichotomy, meaning little to no development of either side of the issue. Despite the fact that there is good evidence on both sides, it would probably have been best for you to just chose one and develop it thoroughly. The graders aren’t looking for you to cover every facet of an issue, but to thoroughly develop a particular point of view. I’m not an expert so this is just my opinion, but I think most people will agree with me on this.</p>

<p>I’ll have to side on 112358 on this one. You present a bunch of facts that are all pretty good, but you need to contribute your opinion and then relate it back to the prompt strongly. Don’t take an ambiguous stance on the end.</p>

<p>That said, except for a couple clunky sentences your sentences are well structured and flow nicely. Vocab is used pretty tastefully. Guessing 8 or 9?</p>

<p>I would give this essay an 11, maybe even a 12. There is nothing wrong with discussing both sides of the issue. In fact, I think it presents a higher level of critical thinking and sophistication. The only thing that’s really missing is expansion of your second paragraph. It’s a little short and underdeveloped. Everything else, though, is about as good as it gets when putting the meager 25 minutes you have to write this essay into perspective.</p>

<p>Intro and conclusion are both strong. Prompt is addressed deliberately. Vocab and sentence structure is strong. Mastery of language is apparent. Like I said, the only real thing that is missing is the expansion of the second paragraph. I think the third is pretty thorough.

It’s not ambiguous at all. Addressing both sides of the argument =/= ambiguity.</p>

<p>i got an 8… **** you collegeboard!</p>

<p>With the online grader?</p>

<p>no with the legit sat in january</p>

<p>I can see how you got an 8… its because you aren’t developing it enough.
If you are dissatisfied then have your test rescored.</p>