Another essay (#2 needs help)

<h2>Topic comes from Kaplan The new SAT 2005 edition</h2>

<p>Directions: Consider carefully the following statement (s) and the assignment below it.
"Don't flatter yourself that friendship authorizes you to say disagreeable things to your intimates. The nearer you come into relation with a person, the more necessary do tact and courtesy become. Except in cases of necessity, which are rare, leave your friend to learn unpleasant things from his enemies; they are ready enough to tell them."
- Oliver Wendel Holmes,
The Autocrat of the breakfast table</p>

<p>"A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling."
- Arthur Brisbane, the Book of Today</p>

<h2>Assignment: Should friends be honest with each other, even if a truthful comment could be hurtful? In an essay, support your position by discussing an example (or examples) from literature, science and technology, the arts , current events or your own experience or observation</h2>

<p>Are friends supposed to be turncoats to each other? Do people play together in order to exchange for lies? Not ever. If anyone violated that unspoken rule of being honest, he would not deserve to be called "fellow". Therefore, friends should be honest, in every single case, with each other.</p>

<p>How do you feel when someone you call 'best friend' keeps all the secrets behind your back while another not-so-close friend knows all about his stuff? Hardly anyone can stand it. An old adage goes, "to have a friend, be a friend", and being a friend means to be reliable. Khoa, my ex-best friend, took every chance he got to hide the truth about his love affair from me, yet he insisted on knowing all mine. To make matter worse, he let those things on to some other friends of his. Later, when I found out, I broke all the connection with that sycophant, knowing that he hang with me just to get money from my family as well.</p>

<p>People who are fans of the "Hannah Motana" show on Disney Channel should have seen the episode in which Hannah could not tell the truth that her best friend, Lily, was unwelcome in a celebrity party for fear of hurting the fragile girl. However, one day, when Lily eavesdropped Hannah's complain that she was just a big shame for the girl, Lily turned crestfallen. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?", Lily cried and that made Hannah felt a compulsive need to apologize. Of course Lily forgave her then, but had Hannah told the truth in time to Lily, she would not have been regretted.</p>

<p>In conclusion, friends must be truthful to one another. Illustrations from real life and theater has demonstrated the goodness of doing so. And let's not hesitate when telling your friends the truth, though it may be unpleasant now, it will later show that you are a friend indeed.</p>

<p>Avoid using "in conclusion" on your conclusion of the essay.</p>

<p>Hm....... Why so?</p>

<p>Go up....10char</p>

<p>Please help, I'm in earnest</p>

<p>It was an okay essay I would say. But your examples need help, and the structure of your essay could be refiend. I follow this format and it helps me might help you: <a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/550192-does-essay-score-11-a.html%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/550192-does-essay-score-11-a.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>Focus on your examples more</p>

<p>^ I agree; you must elaborate more on your examples. Also, (this is just my opinion), I would not consider Hannah Montana as a reliable example -- I would rely more on literature or historical fact instead. But that is just my opinion.</p>

<p>In response to why I would not use "in conclusion": The SAT scorers already know that you are concluding, there is no reason to write it. It's seemingly filler and rather pedantic and unimaginative. However, again, these are just my two cents.</p>

<p>Hi lolilaughed,
I took notice of Barron 2400 and in the 8-9 score essay they still use "in conclusion". They did not point that out at the weakness of the essay, though</p>

<p>And about "focus on my exmaple more", I felt that they are quite thoroughly. any specific comments?</p>

<p>^ Like I said, this is just what I have experienced. Perhaps I should have elaborated more: I have a few friends who go to UCLA and UCB respectively that told me never to use "In conclusion". There reasons were so:</p>

<ol>
<li>It is completely excessive and unneeded </li>
<li>The writing style of "In conclusion" just seems rather novice to the graders..</li>
</ol>

<p>I opted for prudence and I heeded their advice. This is just a recommendation I do feel should be followed according to the mantra "Better safe than sorry." </p>

<p>However, the suggestions given may not be completely representative and maybe even completely inaccurate (the scorers only have about a minute or so from what I hear). </p>

<p>Perhaps you should seek a better consensus but if you ask me, I'd rather stay away from "In conclusion" to be on the safe side.</p>

<p>ok thanks all the same :)</p>