Another essay. Post a link of your essay

<p>Is the world changing for the better?</p>

<p>The world is definitely changing for the worse. Scientifically speaking, our world is overheating. Technology has made it harder to live peacefully and simplistically. Lastly, the food problem that has invaded into our problems has been rising ever since the Progressive Era. Several example that demonstrate this belief can be found throughout news, literature, and science.</p>

<p>As demonstrated by the increasing atmospheric temperature, mother earth is heating up, dramatically. Since the Industrial Revolution, our average temperature has been increasing at a faster rate than all the previous millions of year’s temperature added together. Our oceans, supposedly cool and unaffected, is increasing at around 3-4 degrees per year. With all of these changes, unique changes are happening that can be found on both land and sea. For example, the coral reefs, apparently suppose to live through everything and anything, is becoming gray and dying. In fact, the famous coral reefs near Australia has already lost about 85% of their reefs in the last decade. Polar ice caps on both north and south poles have been disappearing, making ocean rise and small islands sink. The world is changing alright; it’s changing for the worse.</p>

<p>Another example of the world changing at a shockingly high rate can be found in technology, which has catalyst in inventions supposedly suppose to make our lives easier. However, each example only follows with multiple disappointments. The first one is cars. Cars are claimed to have sped up commuters’ lives. No more walking for 5 hours to the local supermarket, the car manufacturers stated. Although it may have saved humans time from the walking and the running, it did however increase obesity, diabetes, high cholesterol, all factors that could have been cured with the help of walking or running. Cars also pollute the air, which in turn harms humans, the very humans that cars were suppose to help. Modern creations such as cars change society, however in the end, not for the better.</p>

<p>Currently, the world has been suffering through a food crisis. Ever since the Progressive Era in the late nineteenth century, food has become commercialized, meaning fast, efficient food for the fast, efficient humans. As shown in the novel, The Jungle, it depicts a livelihood from rural, pastoral America to the city, dirty Packingtown. Because of this dramatic change and migration to the cities, major changes started happening in this less than 50 miles radius neighborhood. People were crowded with five other families. The immigrants who worked in Packingtown are treated unjustly, and irreverently. As the world change for a faster pace as demonstrated in the novel the Jungle, livelihoods decrease. </p>

<p>Shown from novels, news, and science, earth is not necessarily changing for the better. People’s health is dropping to deadly conditions. Workers are being worked to death in horrifying environments. And people’s home, the earth, is heating into extremely high temperatures. There is, of course, no instantaneous change, but the degree in the world is so overwhelming that it promises that the future is going to be different.</p>

<p>Please guys!!</p>

<p>From a mechanics of English view:</p>

<p>Acceptable but not great. Maybe in need of more breadth, it is repetitious as of now. The final paragraph is unclear and awkward. Needs a lot of work, but is salvageable.</p>

<p>I’m not going to judge content all that much but </p>

<p>Pros: you can tell you care</p>

<p>Cons: a touch pessimistic and doesn’t really go much of anywhere</p>

<p>This is why you have drafts, so you can work on it.</p>

<p>If it isn’t happening, you can just start from scratch. It is frustrating, but it worked for me</p>

<p>Hey. Thanks for the critique! </p>

<p>So I should edit? idk, I don’t get what you’re going? Sorry</p>

<p>I’d have a teacher edit it. Give your eyes and brain a break. There are a lot of small mistakes that can be hard to see if they are your own writing, so fresh eyes will catch them better. I’m afraid I have no clue what message you are trying to covey in the final paragraph, that paragraph I would rewrite completely</p>

<p>Thanks! I think I’m going to write essays and give it to my english teacher to read.</p>

<p>Good idea!</p>

<p>Also what sort of grade would I get? Like an estimate?</p>