Another Essay To-be?

College Essays
1

<p>I'll just post it here (why aren't ppl doing that?). I trust that you understand the consequences of plagarism. Plus, this essay is quite personal anyway.</p>

<p>This is another one of my on-the-spot essay, without a prompt. I'm sure you'll soon recognize the format of my essay. I need help with two things so you'll need to answer two questions for me:</p>

<p>1) Development of the essay--what's a good order to put each paragraph? 2) Point to the essay. What do you learn about me from this essay?</p>

<p>I live and I breathe. I live to my fullest, I breathe deeply.
I laugh and I cry. I laugh when my seven-year old brother tells me jokes about Spongebob, even though they’re not funny. I cry whenever my favorite character dies in a Chinese martial arts drama.
I love and I hate. I love the scent of dawn, summertime at 6:30 AM, when I first leave my house, or wintertime at 6:30 AM, when my heavy breath is so welcomed by and visible in the cold. I hate having to stuff myself in on the six train an hour and a half later.
I sing and I dance. I sing whatever, whenever, and to whomever, and I sing the best when I rock my little sister to sleep. I dance when my body’s rhythm takes itself to do whatever goes, and I dance worst when trying to follow another rhythm
I pick up and I let go. I pick up when I want to test my strength, and I let go when it’s time to leave the useless luggage behind.
I dream and I pray. I dream to become a scientist. I pray that my family will be safe.
I sigh and I smile. I sigh when the data from the RT-PCR comes out nonsensical, and afterwards I smile at the careless blunders I made with the primers.
I give and I take. I give ten to the left side of the equation, and I take negative ten from the right.
I speak and I remain silent. I speak when the New York liberalism inside of me rebels against ignorant Bush/Iraq War advocates or when a religious code compels me argue against the New York liberalism within my peers. I remain silent whenever I listen to Chopin’s Berceuse Op. 57, Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony, Second Movement, or Palestrina’s various religious interpretations.
I walk and I run. I walk quickly to weave through the shifting crowds at Grand Central Station. I run slowly so that my little sister can win the “race.”
I mature and I become childish. I mature every second, and I become childish when the Sunday school children compel me to follow them.
I jump and I pause. I jump when the timpani begins the new movement with a heavy strike, and I pause before the oboe makes its entrance into a stage silent except for faint but rising strings.</p>

2

<p>No offense, but after the 4th line I lose interest because it's very repetitive.
The sentence and paragraph structures are just too overdone - since every other sentence is "I ____ and I _____" it gets boring really fast.</p>

3

<p>I would personally advise that you not write your essay into this format because firstly, I'm sure that you won't be the only one writing an essay like this, and also because it doesn't really show the reader much about you... there isn't that much "voice" in it, and yes, like peanut said, it does get a little boring because of the repetition there.</p>

4

<p>thanks for the honest tips. I'll find some way to get an essay out of my random scrawlings, soon. :)</p>

5

<p>boring from the repetitiveness the "i like" essay has certainly been done before</p>

6

<p>I just scrolled down, you know why, right?</p>

7

<p>I'd really like to hear what you ultimately come up with.</p>