Another essay! Will return favour!

<p>Question: Is the world changing for the better?</p>

<p>Essay:-</p>

<p>At the turn of the 20th century, mankind has reached a level of civilisation like never before. The bright promises made by many world leaders in their speeches, whether to their own countrymen or to the international community, seems to depict that mankind has reached an unparalleled era of glory. But of course, they are still critics who say that the Middle Ages were better.</p>

<p>I say that the modern era is better, and that the world is changing for the better. From a scientific and technological point of view, computers have been able to make work much easier. Critics contend that computers make humans lazier, but I beg to differ. Computers free up time for people to do more meaningfu activities such as spending time with their families. From a medicinal point of view, many diseases in the past could now be cured, for example, smallpox. Again, dissenters say that new diseases have emerged, so not much progress has been made. Even so, modern science technology still gives hope to the patient, which is enough encouragement to fight against the disease. We also cannot deny Florence Nightingale's efforts in promoting salubrious conditions for hospitals. Such conditions are important in combating diseases. Who says that the world is not changing for the better?</p>

<p>Now, let us speak politically. Many say that things have gotten worse after the development of nuclear weapons. However, we must not forget that there is a body known as the United Nations to ensure world peace. In the Middle Ages, people went to war as often as they like. This worsened in the 20th century when World War I exploded. Both the Central Powers and the Triple Entente sought to defeat each other, resulting in huge loss of lives. After the First World War, the League of Nations was created, but it did not prevent World War II. Instead, the United nations has managed to prevent major armed conflict for at least 60 years. The Cold War was pretty much psychological. The Vietnam and Iraq wars were necessary to bring about world peace, the former was to destroy communism, the latter to depose a dictator. While some say that nuclear weapons bring about the possibility of mass destruction, however, the realisation of twe international community regarding the danger posed by these nuclear weapons have for the most part realised people regarding the dangers of war and hence ensure world peace.</p>

<p>Economically, poverty rates have been reduced successfully through out the world. The burgeoning middle class demonstrates an efficient method of redistributing wealth while ensuring that the ultra rich could still enjoy the fruits of their labour. The idea of capitalism, put forward by Adam Smith in his book The Wealth of nations has for the most part propelled most world economies.</p>

<p>Indeed, the world has changed for the better, and many would agree that they would not want to return to the Middle Ages.</p>

<p>--- There could be factual errors.---</p>

<p>Another essay. Choose one to grade.</p>

<p>Question: Do we need adversity to help us discover who we are?</p>

<p>Today, the world is more challenging than ever before. Unlike our forefathers who only needed to face the challenge of raising and protecting the family, we, as the modern generation today, have to face various challenges and politics brought about by a rapidly changing world. As more and more people are education, we now have to be vigilant for all forms of politics by our sides. The question is, is it true that ease does not challenge us and that we need adversity to help us discover who we are?</p>

<p>The answer is true. Adversity, as hown in history and literature, even in today’s world, helps us discover who we are and what we want to be. In history, we see people and heroes in adverse circumstances who found the heroes within them and stood up for their people. Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King were people who rallied others for their egalitarian causes. Further back in history, we see the likes of Martin Luther in igniting the Reformating and challenging the corrupt practices of the Roman Catholic Church. In the Renaissance, despite a time of political unstability, Italy produced the greatest scientists and artists such as Leornado and Michangelo. It is then true that adversity helps us know who we are and helps us realise our full potential.</p>

<p>What about in literature? We see from Mark Twain’s book “The Adventures of Tom Sawyer” that the difficulties he faced helped him to see what he would want to be. Despite his frequent mischiefs, it was clear that he was naughty, not evil, as shown when he was shocked by the murder committed by Injun Joe. It was from here that he could see the future he wanted. When he later trapped Injun joe in a cave, he showed to himself and to others his capabiity in taking responsibility. We can see that adversity helped Tom and the pople around him to see his more mature side, often disguised by his childish behaviour.</p>

<p>In modern day life, we see people such as Donald Trump and Robert Kiyosaki rising from their failures. Donald Trump, after declaring bankruptcy in 1997, discovered his weaknesses by being rash in his decisions. He learnt from this and he subsequently grew back and found his own company, which was to be one of the top real estate companies in the United States. The main idea here is that Trump learnt about his weaknesses and sought to rectify them.</p>

<p>Fellow readers, it is thus clear that adversity helps us discover who we are and what we are capable of. To quote somebody, “500 years of peace in Switzerland produced only the clock. 50 years of unstability in Italy produced Leornado, Raphael and Michaelangelo”.</p>

<p>i like your essay, i really do, however it you stay on the fence to much instead of elaborating why your essay proves your view point, simply pointing out why the other is not right does not fully support your thesis. For example: A lot of people like dogs, but they’re bad because they drool. If you say something along the lines of: Some like dogs, however i do not succumb to such a nefarious trend. I fail to look past their animalistic roots as they could snap in a split second and turn into a drooling, bloodthirsty beast. The latter points out that their are reasons for your disliking, but also points that there are more reasons that you will later elaborate on.</p>

<p>I would say 9 or 10. I like your examples, but you don’t vary your sentence structure; most of your sentences use the structure “(prep phrase or dependent clause) (comma) (dependent clause)”</p>

<p>Also, you seem to list most of your examples: “(blah blah blah) and (blah blah blah) show that adversity helps us to discover who we are” with no further analysis.</p>

<p>In addition, you address “fellow readers” in the last paragraph for your second essay. You’re not making a speech and addressing an audience, so don’t say “fellow readers.”</p>

<p>Furthermore, you used the term “we see” in all three body paragraphs for your second essay. Try to vary your word choice.</p>

<p>Aside from that, I really like your prose. You are worthy of an essay above an 8 but definitely not a full 12.</p>