Another essay

<p>Ok people I realize how bad this essay is its kind of like a thrid grader wrote it. So if you guys could grade it and then tell me my biggest problems that would be much appreciated thanks!
PROMPT: Do we need other people to understand ourselves?
ESSAY:
“As human beings we all have things in common.” We can use our understanding of ourselves to understand others. The reciprocal of this statement also holds truth: we need other people to grasp a better understanding of ourselves.
An excellent example of this is the history of the Chinese state. After the great expeditions of Zheng He during the Ming Dynasty, China isolated itself because it felt that the rest of the world had nothing to offer. As centuries of isolation passed by, countries like Britain and Germany surpassed China and became world powers. Up until the opium wars, China still held the belief that it was the most advanced state in the world. After China’s embarrassing loss in the Opium wars, it realized it was behind the European nations. China finally recognized its true position in the world after other countries had crushed it.
Another example is the novel 1984. In the novel the protagonist Winston has been dehumanized by the practice of double think. Because of double think his emotions and thoughts are suppressed. He believes that he is a loyal member of English Socialism until he meets his lover Julia. The rebellious girl introduces him to places where double think is not required and in these places all of Winston’s true thoughts and feelings pour out of him. He turns out to actually hate the party and long for freedom.
We need other people in order to grasp an understanding of ourselves. </p>

<p>PS This is not edited at all except for the end because the last few sentences were absolutely ridiculous</p>

<p>The paragraphs aren’t in depth enough. It’s too much of a summary, and not enough of an analysis. Also, intro’s and conclusions should be longer than a sentences (3-5 sentences is the standard for a paragraph, and thus should be for all of the paragraphs in your paper). Your intro tries to create a thesis, but it’s a very weak one, and your conclusion simply reiterates the introduction, with no expansion or explanation.</p>

<p>yea i agree with this, thanks alot,
Do you think i should sumarize the events and then anaylyzE? or somehow combine the summary and the anaylyses? (i can’t spell)</p>