Another lonely college student

One thing I have found that works is asking people if they want to study together. This gives us a common topic to talk about so it’s not awkward.

1-Get your emotions in order. Before you can start getting rid of your loneliness, you need to determine what it is exactly that is making you feel lonely. Do you miss a certain person, or a particular place? Do you generally just feel like you don’t have many friends, or that the friends you do have aren’t close to you? Determining why you’re lonely may give you a solution for your problem right away - not everyone can tell where their feelings of loneliness originate. If you’re missing a particular person or place that you can’t visit, much of your problem-solving will need to be introspective. If you are desirous of more friends or feel isolated, than your solution will more likely be to get out and meet new people.
-Try journaling if you’re not sure why you feel lonely. Be as specific as possible.
-Don’t be embarrassed at the cause(s) of your loneliness. It is a perfectly normal feeling that everyone struggles with at one time or another.

2-Focus on your health. Before you make any other changes, you should look to your own health for indicators of causes for loneliness. Oftentimes lack of sleep, exercise, and healthy foods can leave you feeling lethargic and depressed, leading to loneliness over time. Spend a week making positive changes to your health; aim to get eight hours of sleep every night, try to fit in at least 30 minutes of physical activity, and cut out junk food/incorporate more fruits and vegetables into your diet. If nothing else, doing these things will give you more energy and reduce stress, which overall impact your positive outlook and feelings of happiness.
-Studies have shown that poor sleep and lack of physical activity are correlated to feelings of loneliness.
-Certain foods - particularly fruits and vegetables - contain hormones that increase happiness.

Also the same i have no one interested to reply me as if i am going to make efforts to talk to someone. So i decide to pull back from them and decided if they want to talk if they wish to, and there is more motivated speech with help me to survive.

I wanted to chime in here, as a parent, because this thread hits very close to home. Our DD in HS has a very small list of friends, and she is not #1 or #2 on their list. Net result is that she is periodically invited to hang out with them. She also has a few “acquaintances” that she respects, but isn’t dying to hang out with. She has social anxiety, and depression, and is an introvert. She has done well in school, well enough to get accepted to a half dozen good colleges with a bunch offering some merit. But we’re all worried about the next step. I think she hopes that going to college will be a new clean slate, and by joining clubs and picking the right school, she may finally get better with the social scene. We also know that going to college is by no means a panacea. It could end up being even worse than HS was. What then? As parents, my wife and I’d greatest fear is exactly your situation, that she goes off to school and feels entirely alone.

We have an array of many colleges to choose from, all A- to A level schools (per Niche) and they all have her study interests, but honestly, I think we’d all agree on this: If we had a crystal ball and could pick the school she would be HAPPIEST at, we wouldn’t care which school it was. As parents, we’d do anything to help her find her happiness.

But alas, it does not work that way. We can only make an educated guess. We can only hope it works out for her and provide support. We can remind her that she can always transfer (I did after 2 years), but that reminder may not be enough to deal with waves of loneliness or depression.

Just know that there are people out there that care about you.

Something else to consider. As I read often about depression with my child being affected by it, one thing I saw was that those with depression are often hard-wired to only anticipate negative outcomes. They look at life, work, college, class, and what if scenarios always in the negative. It’s not easy to change that behavior, but it might help to be aware of it. When i first read your post, I was curious as to where you were going to college (mainly I was curious about large/small and school rigor). But in doing so I saw your thread history. And the subject lines immediately made me think of this negative foresight. “I am so conflicted”, “What if I can’t handle it?”,“No scholarships?”,Is school X any good? I made a mistake, Do I have a chance at all? etc etc.

Please do not think I am judging. A lot of my posts are the same. It is because we have a built in negative outlook. Just being aware of this about one’s self can be extremely helpful, and/or doing the math and thinking about the outcomes.

My oldest said she was dumb (1300 SAT score without any prep proved her wrong). She said all schools would reject her (she hasn’t been declined to any yet, and most have given merit). That she is unlikely to find friends, unlikely to succeed in college (she said the same about HS). It’s a negative view, and this energy is also cast off to others, and people tend to shy away from those who have a negative projection. They can just feel the vibe.

Please keep us posted, and stay strong. I would recommend finding some clubs, clubs where tolerance and understanding is more common. Keep working at it, it can and likely will get better.

Oh yeah, and consider transferring to somewhere warm and sunny. Why we all punish ourselves with bitter cold, grey skies and short days, is beyond me. I went up to New Hampshire (further north) to go to college. I should have gone to Arizona, or South Carolina or San Diego, or something like that.

Also, in terms of clubs, maybe finding some where you can help others. Community service, charity, mentoring. Sometimes helping others can be very fulfilling, and you may even find it easier to make friends among others who share that activity.

Just throwing this out there, but could you add theater as a double major or minor so that you could join the productions?

Hey all! Figured I’d update just in case anyone cared haha.

Things are honestly going a lot better, I’m happy to report. I was always forcing myself to be friends with people in my major (education) as I don’t really like children and that’s kind of all they liked to talk about. They’re all very nice, but definitely more acquaintances than friends.

Most of the friends I’ve made have come from quidditch. I suck at it and hate going to practices, but it’s brought me a group of friends who like to do things outside of the box. Since there’s so few of us, we all became close pretty quickly and now hang out pretty regularly, which is exactly what I was hoping for! I still don’t have that huge tight-knit group of besties I was hoping for, but at least I’ve taken a step in the right direction.

I quit the job that I hated and I now have a new one which I love, and therefore I take way more hours. Having more money definetely makes me feel more secure since I was so scared about the high cost of tuition.

All in all, I’m glad to report that while I’m not where I was hoping to be at the beginning of the year, I am much better off than I am when I made this thread originially!

PS,

A lot of people have suggested that I transfer to a college where it’s warmer and sunnier. I’m from Chicago, so I’m used to the bitter cold, and I’ve actually come to love miserable days like that. However, the subject of going to school somewhere else is a bit sore because I wanted very badly to go to school in New England, where the rest of my family is from. I was thinking about URI, Rutgers, and other schools in the east but unfortunately I decided not to attend those. Now my best friend goes to UMass Amherst, and all she does is complain about how much she hates Massachusetts, while I’m over here wishing I could visit!

People have also suggested that I minor / major in theatre as a way to get involved. That was my original plan, but my school requires that all secondary education majors have a second major, and then since I couldn’t decide between English and history, I decided to major in one and minor in the other. That means I have two majors already PLUS a minor, so it’s not really an option for me to add another haha.

@leafconeybearismart Great news, and glad to hear about all of that. When I was your age, I also didn’t mind the cold one bit. In fact, i went further north for better skiing (from CT to New Hampshire). Now that I am older, all I can do is drool when I think of warmer climates. The cold goes right through you when you are older, and you realize life is short, why spend half of it freezing and with a sun that sets are 4:30 PM?

Really glad to hear about the changes, the new job, thanks for updating.

Yeah ! Glad it is going so much better . Sounds like your freshman year will be a success and just think you have more years to learn and explore and make friends. I really think it can be tough cause so many are tied to their phones and kids have always been in cliques which is tough . Very happy for you.

Good to hear!!

do you understand well your personality? it could well be playing that role in your social life. However i do not see any need for any worry. we all cannot behave in the same kind of manner. maybe being the loner is the best person one can ever be. perhaps it is the wisest decision we can ever make.

thank you

@leafconeybearismart :smile:

I was just wandering around on CC and your thread caught my eye. I hope that things work out for you, your last post sounds more positive, except one thing really jumped out at me, you wrote:

“I was always forcing myself to be friends with people in my major (education) as I don’t really like children and that’s kind of all they liked to talk about. They’re all very nice, but definitely more acquaintances than friends.”

So why are you an Education Major if you don’t like kids? Does your school have counseling for major selection or careers? Please check out an alternative path that uses your skills and interests. That might also improve your outlook on life.

A good teacher can impact a child’s life in so many ways, an unhappy teacher can also impact a child’s life. If you aren’t happy around children, will you be a positive influence?

@AggieMomAgain Totally fair question! I’m majoring in secondary education so I can interact more with the material I love and have intellectual conversations about it without having to talk down to children. Most education majors here are elementary ones who always talk about how much they love kids and can’t wait to have some of their own or love playing with them and while I definitely don’t relate to that, I certainly don’t dislike children.
That said, I’m also an education major simply because I love English and history and I’m going to try to find a job in those, and if I can’t education is a backup.

@leafconeybearismart Congratulations on making new friends! I struggled with finding friends in college too. I still am struggling to be honest.

Yes, @MoonKnight, it appears to many posters here that you are struggling to be honest…

I was in a similar situation… My college experience wasn’t what I expected socially but because it lacked some social balance but I was INVESTED in my academics and instead of drinking buddies, I met colleagues and other people with the same educational interests as me. It was beneficial.

You can always join clubs. Assuming you’re a freshman, I think freshmen put a lot of pressure on themselves to make friends that they don’t realize there’s different kinds of friendships. You can have drinking buddies. You can have study group friends. You can have book club friends. Friends from certain classes. All of it. Not all friendships are created equal in college.

Basically what I’m saying is, I wouldn’t discredit “small friendships” if you meet someone in class and you guys always hang around each other, maybe invite that person to lunch. Maybe start a study group with that person. Etc.

Once you start counting all the small friendships as real friendships, you’ll feel less alone imo. That’s just how adult friendships work. It’s complicated. In the adult world, you can make a friend at work, talk to that person all day long about anything and everything but never hang out with them outside of work.