<p>I’ve got tons of those red solo cups at my home – just because they are often used for frat parties doesn’t mean that they have to contain alcohol.</p>
<p>^ Agree with Pizzagirl, but I did make sure that non-drinking DS removed any FB picture where any of his friends had a red cup in their hand. Even though I know it was a party at my house with plenty of parents, you can’t tell from every picture. </p>
<p>That said, parents at college parties? Sad.</p>
<p>I went to a small LAC and parents certainly went to fraternity parties on parents weekend or homecoming weekend…it was the culture of the college, the members of the Greek system were proud to show off their houses and hospitality to the 'rents! I have a very happy memory of dancing with my dad in a fraternity basement, and he is about the most conservative, upright guy around.</p>
<p>Certainly sounds like she made a mistake offering your son alcohol–but I’m not sure I see anything else in your post that I would take as encouraging your son to party. Also, in my opinion, the “cool” mom is usually one kids feel comfortable talking to honestly…not that they want party with, at the end of the day, we are all old to the kids.</p>
<p>I absolutely love CC. All of the different thoughts and opinions have helped enormously. I guess I really just needed to vent. Just to clear up some of the information I gave. The party was a tailgate party before a football game. It was at the fraternity where the woman’s husband was a member and now his son is in. Also I guess my relationship with my son is not really not strained by CC standards and is completely normal. It’s just still very hard to get use to the fact he is lacking in the communications department. Which truly should not have been a surprise because he has been and probably will always be a man of few words.
I totally agree this woman probably has very little influence on whether my son drinks or parties and that his peers probably will or do play a much bigger role. This woman tries to be the cool mom but who ever said it was just pathetic and my kid probably sees it this way too is right.
Also my issue with this woman (which now has become a nonissue thanks to this board), is that she has definitely over stepped her boundaries. If she wants to encourage her kid to drink great, but stay out of my kid’s life.
Yes on occasion as my son was growing up we would offer maybe beer or wine but it was always an after thought and he never was interested, until recently, but only more as a matter of curiosity.
But the best comment is that we have raised an incredibly responsible kid and over the past 18 years have tried to do the parenting thing as well as we could and now have to have faith that he is still the same responsible kid and that he will continue to make responsible choices.</p>
<p>I feel awkward enough at an adult party; I can’t imagine how odd I would feel at a frat party! lol</p>
<p>I think you are just over reacting. There is nothing this woman has done that’s over the top. You saw a picture of your son at a party where this woman was at, was it a patents weekend or homecoming? I think the issue here is your relationship with your kid, not this woman’s relationship with your kid.</p>
<p>no parent has the right to offer beer to your 17 year old. Don’t listen to anyone who is telling you otherwise…they are wrong.</p>
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<p>I was thinking this as well. Or just insecurity about this woman more generally (I sense there is a threat, but it’s not about your son succumbing to alcohol). </p>
<p>While I agree it’s generally inappropriate for an adult other than a parent to offer an underage person alcohol, given you were on vacation in a place where the drinking age was only 18, maybe she was just trying to make light of the unique situation. I honestly really don’t see what the big deal is.</p>
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<p>I don’t know about you…but an 18 year old is an adult under the law and thus, not a kid by definition. Once someone is an adult, another adult has the right to offer…and your adult child has the ultimate responsibility to accept or refuse the offer. Will you have issues with other adults offering/exposing your adult child to things you do not approve of past 21, 30, 40, 65+??</p>
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<p>Agreed. I can just see my uncles and dad telling her that her 18 year old son is going to college…not mandatory 2 years in the Army like they did in an era when their nation of origin was facing possible invasion from a numerically superior military force.</p>
<p>BTW: Not sure if you celebrate…but Happy Double Ten.</p>
<p>What I would say about this is that certain problems of high school probably don’t really transfer to college. One of these is probably the influence of the “cool” parent who allows or encourages drinking. I think once kids get to college, the influence of such parents drops to near zero (or perhaps moves to negative numbers).</p>
<p>I don’t know - there was a certain Princeton graduate who was very influenced by a certain Mrs. Robinson …</p>
<p>None of my sons ever drank alcohol before leaving for college. They all drank within the first month of school. They have all graduated and not one son is a more than casual drinker who chooses to nurse a a couple beers in a social situation. </p>
<p>Do you really believe your son will not drink because you his mother does not want him to? He is obviously your first to go off to college. Did you raise a kid that is capable of making his own decisions…if so forget about this and let him figure it out. Thats not to say you should not remind him about drinking and driving or being a passenger in a a car with someone who might have ingested alcohol. The scenario that you have mentioned sounds like something I would expect of middle school parents. You broke a friendship with someone that you perceive as being a “bad influence” because she is FB ing your kid (that is weird but I don’t know the relationship that your son had with her) and whos father is also going to frat parties (very weird). The bottom line… this really is not your business when your son is off at school. By the way how old was the drinking age when you were in college? When I was in college it was 18, and personally I wish it would return to that age so that kids would stop hiding alcohol and pre partying before they go out. You sound angry that another adult has a relationship with your kid. If you make everything wrong and not allow him to talk to you about things you will find that you will have very little to talk about in regard to his college life (and I was not implying that college life is all about drinking) because he will feel you are in judgement of everything he is doing.</p>
<p>I just wanted to add that it is very likely that the father attended the same school as his son and was at a party for Homecoming. The Frats invite all alumni back for this event and that is what you might have seen when you saw his dad with a “red cup”.</p>
<p>Well, I don’t think you can influence whether or not your kid drinks once they are in college, and I think, given the fact that kids leave home at 18 or 19, the whole law is ridiculous. You say, “You are not old enough to be responsible to drink AND we are going to charge you as an adult if you drink.” The usual logical inconsistency of morality laws.</p>
<p>That said, there is nothing in the world LESS cool than the “cool mom.” I mean, seriously? Even a 16 year old who is truly cool is not trying to impress other 16 year olds… It’s the height of uncool trying to be “cool.” just sayin’</p>
<p>Probably overreacting to the ‘red cup’. I have a huge package of them from Costco (250+) and that’s what we use for casual parties where we serve soda from 2 liter containers. We typically serve beer in cans or bottles, so the red cups generally signify a soda drinker. </p>
<p>We also let D1 drink wine w dinner since she was 16. Given she’s gluten-intolerent, I wonder what she will actually drink at college parties. (Beer has gluten). I don’t think most of them have wine & she has developed a reasonable wine palate, so I can’t see her chugging down jug wine. I guess she will need to find rum or tequilla.</p>
<p>I won’t mention the name of the college, but one year nearly every picture in the yearbook contained a kid or kids holding the red cup. Don’t think I purchased another yearbook from that school.</p>
<p>Red cups can hold soda, for goodness sake.</p>
<p>You didn’t buy a yearbook because of red cups? what, they weren’t school colors? Come on!</p>
<p>Dug out the yearbook mentioned in #35 to count the red cups, which were the least of the objects using to imbibe, and beer was only the start. There are over 300 cups in multiple colors, bottles, cans, shot glasses, rock glasses, wine glasses (no wine bottles), kegs, bottles of hard liquor, and water bottles and thermos bottles being chugged. This school has no Greek system. No, not the school color!</p>
<p>Oh please…those red cups are the cheapest cup on the market…available at Costco, BJs, most discount and grocery stores. Bears and Dogs…there is NO cheaper and more widely available cup on the market. We have a huge pack of them here too…and they don’t usually hold beer or wine…usually soda.</p>
<p>I’m quite sure both of my kids drank once they got to college. And it had nothing to do with the color of the cups provided…or anyone’s mom or dad.</p>
<p>But, still funny how “red cup” has become symbolic, with a life of its own.</p>