Any advice for my friend? thinking of homeschooling...

Parents Forum
1

<p>I have a friend who is having problems with her son. She posted this on another forum I participate on and she told me I could pass her info on to you. I told her someone here may have some ideas :)</p>

<p>Thanks in advance and here is her message:</p>

<p>
[quote]
Home Schooling my 14 yr. old son when I work full time </p>

<hr>

<p>I am having real problems with my 9th grade boy and school. He started high school this fall and HATES it! The middle school was pretty poor academically and now he's faced with work that is close to being on a college level. </p>

<p>This is also a school that embraces "innovative" teaching practices. For instance his math class is building a paper mache Barbie doll. Somehow matchmatics figures in here but a Barbie???? He hates this kind of exercise and I guess I don't blame him.</p>

<p>On the social level, the senior boys are picking on him. His so-called friends from middle school have begun insulting him in front of other students, to gain attention I guess. Before this year my son was the teflon kid, nothing bothered him about what other kids did, not so this year. </p>

<p>He is begging me to be home schooled. I am divorced and have a full time job, this is all I need on top of everything else. The question then: Do any of you know of anyone who was able to home school and work at the same time? Any advice would be appreciated.

[/quote]
</p>

2

<p>I think that your friend needs to have a meeting with the school and voice her concerns to the administration. Most schools now have zero tolerance when is comes to bullying and making fun of her son falls under that IMO. She also needs to talk directly to the teachers and get familiar with his classes and what his strengths and weaknesses are. If he has behavioral or social problems then she should set up a meeting with a Pediatric Psychiatrist and possibly have an evaluation done. Homeschooling when you work full time is not a good idea. 14 yo's need instruction and supervision during the day. Unless she works from home and has a very easy job, I would not attempt it. Tell your friend that she needs to be her childs advocate at his school.</p>

3

<p>You might be able to find another homeschooling family with a similarly aged child who would let your child hang out with them during the day. Expect to pay something for this. Also, do not expect that other family to be responsible for educating your child. It is hard enough to find another family that your child would want to spend time with if you just think in terms of keeping him occipied and supervised. If you add in wanting that family to do the homeschooling, it becomes vanishing unlikely you can find a match. The child might work on his own school stuff while he is with the other familiy, but don't lock anyone into that. If the other family has some sort of outing or activity planned for the day, you child should participate, not do their homework in a corner. The other family may have ideas and suggestions, but figure it is primarily the parent's responsibility to research materials and opportunities and keep track of the child's progress. Also figure that the child may be doing their school work primarily during the evenings when mom is at least around. (don't be too alarmed at that idea. It only takes a couple of hours a day to cover the same thing the school does in 6. Also, this should not take 2 hours per evening of mom's time. The parents' role at that age is more facilitator/overseer, not "teacher".)</p>

<p>For a virtual cornocopia of ideas on how this might work, get "The Teenage Liberation Handbook" by Grace Llewellyn.</p>

4

<p>Does the high school offer independent study? I know two families who have recently pulled their kids from the local public high school who are doing this. One does not work, and the other works, but at in the afternoons and at night, so she can spend mornings with her child. I don't know how you could keep on top of things while working full time unless schedule is flexible? Is kid super reliable? Are community college classes an option? </p>

<p>One of the mothers was facing a similar situation--bullying and kids making her son miserable. He is much happier working at home and will most likely graduate early. Good luck to your friend. So many kids have problems in high school. And making a Barbie in Math Class? Oh my. That would have driven my sons off the deep end. Though I have other stories about the goings on at the local public high school that are not so far from that. Many kids are not doing as well as they should. My sympathies . . .</p>

5

<p>thanks for the replies. I'll forward your suggestions on to her. She lives across the country from me, so I'm not familiar with the boy's school, personally. </p>

<p>My own feeling is that bullying is such a HUGE issue that it won't do much good to keep him in that environment. If you've ever been bullied, especially when you're a child and have no power at all, you know what I mean.</p>

6

<p>Making clothes for Barbie!!! Oh, thank god for the all-boys school!</p>

<p>I think homeschooling a kid while working full time is just plain irresponsible. Short of sticking him with a babysitter, let's face it, he's home alone all day!</p>

<p>She better work things out with his school or quick transfer him to a new school. I'd start looking at parochial or privates (if she can swing it financially).</p>

7

<p>I agree with Weenie. If she's really committed to home schooling, she should recognize that it is a full time job. Leaving him home alone all day is irresponsible.</p>

8

<p>First I would say to try to work things out with her son. The first few months you may not feel good. I'd see if it's really a problem. It may not be. If it is a real problem then I would say try homeschooling. NOT ALL HOMESCHOOLING IS WITH THE PARENTS. I believe there are some where you go with other kids and you learn at other people's houses.</p>

9

<p>There are also charter schools around that meet daily. Others have kids come 2x/week to turn in homework, take exams, and get tutoring. Some online programs involve a teacher and 3-5 students, who "mmet" online at same time a few days a week. The GC at local HS should be able to present various options. One of my clients has a teacher from her HS visit her daily at her home to review schoolwork. Easch district offers alternatives.</p>

10

<p>DrDrewsmom ~</p>

<p>We have been homeschooling for about 6 years. My son was an elite senior swimmer, requiring 25 hours of training per week, up to 12 hours of commuting, and frequent travel. My son also has ADD and some nonspecific LD. We moved him from a public school (K-4) to a private school (5-6). Finally, we decided to homeschool.</p>

<p>Our public and private school experiences were quite similar to your friend's.</p>

<p>I humbly suggest that homeschooling is not the answer in this case, and will not work with an absentee parent. The commitment to homeschooling is grueling, especially at the high school level. From my experience, homeschooling a teen can be difficult, because your friend will be establishing a closer, more tightly bound relationship during the homeschool experience at a time when her son will be least receptive to it. Further, homeschooling would be conducted at a time when a male child naturally wishes to separate most from mom.</p>

<p>Also, the high school curriculum is more challenging and requires a fairly high degree of parental instruction and oversight.</p>

<p>Further, once your friend begins teaching high school, it will be very difficult to return to a public, and possibly private, setting (if required)...because many high schools require returning students to pass finals geared toward the courses taught in the traditional environment.</p>

<p>Fourteen year olds need supervision. Also, in my opinion, it would be very difficult for this child to go from a highly structured (though somewhat bizarre) environment to one in which no parent is present in the home during traditional school hours. Also, depending on the state in which your friend would choose to home school, the local public school officials who may need to acknowledge your friend's intent to home school may find parental absence during the day quite problematic. Even HSLDA, the organization that safeguards the rights of homeschool families nationwide, queries future members about parental availability in the home during school hours.</p>

<p>Some homeschooled children take online courses from recognized distance learning centers, some of which offer legal diplomas. This is a wonderful option for someone who has lived the homeschool experience for a while. I think it would be optimistic to believe that this young man could immediately transition into this level of independence.</p>

<p>Also, I would caution about the isolation into which this young man would be plunged. While I do not agree with the argument that homeschooled children suffer from the results of lack of socialization, I do believe that having no one at all at home to interact with or to visit the library with, or to engage in group learning opportunites or field trips with would deprive this young man greatly.</p>

<p>May I suggest that your friend try to find a less stressful, more relaxed, less quirky school for her son. After all, I believe that the high school years are chiefly about building good skills and good self-confidence and reasonable independence. At graduation, I believe the child should feel happy with who he is and relaxed...ready to tackle the college experience. I'd put my efforts into finding a nice, warm and inviting school where both mother and son could feel safe and embraced...and then at home enjoy their time together.</p>

<p>Coming out a divorce, I imagine, has already placed a strain on the mother-child relationship. Homeschooling under the conditions described might worsen matters.</p>

<p>If there is any way I can help, please let me know. I'd be happy to exchange PMs with your friend.</p>

<p>OB</p>

11

<p>Just to add, your friend and her son are approaching the years when rebellion is rampant. Teenage boys in the 15-16 year range can get themselves in a lot of trouble because they don't reason (much). There will be times when he is uncontrollably stubborn about everything, from dirty socks to curfew limits. At this age, it would be dangerous to allow a struggling kid to drop out of his regular routine and unrealistic to expect him to create and succeed in a new routine.</p>

12

<p>I agree with everyone who says that a 14 year old should not be left unsupervised and home alone every day while mom works. I don't agree with the idea that homeschooling would be too difficult to consider at this age. It depends on the student. If the boy is miserable in school, he may be highly motivated to make homeschooling work so that he does not have to go back to school. And there are plenty of distance learning high school options available, so mom does not have to feel qualified to "teach" high school subjects. All of these programs can either lead to a diploma or allow the child to return to high school later with a transcript of standard courses. Two that I know of that are well-respected are through U. Texas, Austin, and through Texas Tech.</p>

13

<p>Yes, if the child is unhappy in school because it is boring, the child may be highly motivated to do anything that involves more learning and less time spent in the current school.</p>

14

<p>I agree with some others here--I think it's 100% critical that the mom follows up with the school about her concerns. For one thing, bullying and teasing is not acceptable despite some school's apparent attitude that it's "natural" or "normal."</p>

<p>If the social issues can be worked out, then the next question is how bad this "innovative" teaching environment really is. </p>

<p>As we all see every single day here on CC, young people have a unique way of interpreting things. In the retelling, a class assignment or teaching method could sound completely different than the way it was presented to students. This would be especially true if the student is discouraged, has lost hope, and is trying to encourage his parent to embrace homeschooling. I think this mom shouldn't rely on her son's word alone to judge whether or not the school has something to offer. If at all possible, she needs to work with the principal and his teachers to find out more about the curriculum and learning goals (without prejudging) and see if they can't together, as a team, make the school a happier fit for her son. Maybe that won't work, but for her own peace of mind she needs to know she tried (and got full information without relying solely on a miserable teen's filter).</p>

15

<p>First step should definitely be to go to the school and try to get a dialogue going to get more information. Also, are there any other options in the school system such as charter or magnet schools? If not, are there other public schools nearby that are "different" and preferable to the one this boy attends. I know several families that have actually moved their residences because they wanted their children to attend a particular school. A change of residence may actually be less disruptive than trying to homeschool with the parent out of the house.</p>

<p>I frankly see no way that one could homeschool with no supervision whatsoever. Is there any type of a local homeschool association? (There is where we live.) Get in touch with them and see if there are other options. Some families do "cooperative" homeschooling. One family takes a certain subject and another takes a different one. Mom could volunteer her services in the evenings or Saturday. Some combination program like this might be feasible if everything else fails.</p>

16

<p>
[quote]
homeschooling a kid while working full time is just plain irresponsible

[/quote]
</p>

<p>While I agree that other options should be explored, I don't think that this statement is true in all cases. Actually, I homeschooled my 13 y.o. while attending graduate school full-time and working part-time (to be exact, he homeschooled himself). There were several discussions on the topic at homeschool2college Yahoo! group (if the OP's friend joins the group, she can search the archives). I recall that many families found different ways to cope in a similar situation - for example, some kids were working at daytime and studying at night (and texas is right, of course: 2 hours is enough in most cases). I personally don't see why a 14 y.o. can't stay at home alone, but maybe it's just me... and of course, the kids are different - it may be true for some.</p>

<p>Of course, it depends on...
- the kid (looks like he is willing to work, but can he work, say, online?)
- mother's work hours
- their state homeschool laws
- local regulations (in some cities kids of school age can't go outside when school is in session)
- the financial situation (although EPGY, for example, has pretty good finaid)
- the availability of local resources (can the kid take a bus to a community college? can he go to high school part-time?)
- local homeschool support group(s)
and on many other circumstances. But it IS doable if both mother and son are willing and will put serious thought into it.</p>