I know that there is a similar topic to this, but unlike that post, my circumstances are the opposite of that person’s.
To cut the chase, I did not join clubs nor attended high school events AT ALL (mainly b/c I disliked my h.s environment and the people); therefore, my social circle tumbled greatly. I am also an introvert (which explains why I didn’t join clubs) and self minded of myself (“oh, I can do this on my own.”) My parents are also very strict of me being at home and focusing on academics (cause I am a biology major), and thinking that going out means that I’m abandoning my education. Obviously I reason with them, but sometimes their OG thinking gets the best of them.
Now that I am a freshman in college, what is the technique to making new friends? (I am a commuter, so attending meetings for clubs can be difficult; I am not a sport person, nor is my college, so no point in joining sports).
What are some random questions to ask a fellow classmate (besides what’s your major, hows college, are you dorming?) that has no information about me whatsoever?
How can I maintain a connection if I commute, and they’re dorming?
Advice on how to be included into THEIR social group (knowing that our generation can easily welcome newcomers, but exclude them when it comes to you vs. their original group of friends)?
During Orientation, go to as many activities as you can. Talk to people and for those you like, ask them what activities they are going to tomorrow/or are they going to the ABC activity.
Go to the Activities/CLub Fair and sign up for a bunch of clubs that are of interest. They may not all pan out, but don’t eliminate anything yet. If you are into music/D&D/running/church/whatever, you can find other people who are interested too. Service clubs are great because you spend time working together.
Join the Commuters Club. Go to the Commuter Lounge and talk to people.
At lunch time, ask people in your next to lunch time class if they are grabbing some lunch.
Adopt a dorm. Maybe some of your friends live in a particular dorm. Hang out with them some nights.
Join an intramural team. Sometimes you can just sign up as a single.
Talk to others in your classes…exchange numbers so that if either of you miss you can exchange notes… Ask what someone got on a homework question (that you did too)…once you get to know them, ask if they want to form a study group.
If this isn’t working, go to the Counseling Center…they are ready to help freshman this time of year. Don’t think you are a loser because you have to go…this is something you pay for! Get the benefit! You may need to learn some new social skills. They may also have group talks on Homesickness or fitting in.
Go to ongoing campus activities…concerts/movies/lectures/sporting events/parties. Invite someone/group of people or just sign up and meet people for activities that might be off campus. Or join a club that relates to your major.
Get an on campus job. This will give you something to do during the day in between classes so you are on campus more. It will also help you get engaged into the campus.
If you click with someone, trade phone numbers so you can text with them. My kids say 90% of their communications on meeting for meals, to study, etc are via text. Their friends at larger schools say it helps when you meet people you might not run into again by chance. Then use it a day or two later to see if they want to do something
You may notice that all of these things take some action…they are not passive. You have to take initiative. But the risk is small…if someone says no, then just say “Maybe another time”.
I’m a commuter in my third year, from personal experience I found that during my freshman year it was hard to make friends because I was in the same boat as you. Definitely try some of the methods bopper is providing.
I personally went through my freshman year and a good chunk of my sophomore year flying solo. You will definitely start to make friends with people in your major if you take enough classes with them, try to talk to some people you have multiple classes with. That will give you something to talk about. Maybe ask them how they’re faring in another class?
I’m not familiar with science majors so I don’t know how it gets in the upper levels, I am aware however that gen ed science classes in freshman year tend to have ~200 or so students in them depending on what you take (at least at my university). This can make it a bit hard to talk to people.
Just remember that there are probably people in your classes that are in the exact same boat as you are. Try to socialize a bit, sit in the same seat every class, try to get to know your neighbors (people you sit near). As bopper said, try to exchange phone numbers with people so you can stay in contact when you’re at home and they’re in the dorms.
The people in your major will become some of your closest friends. You may not know who they are now, but as the semesters go on and you take more major specific classes you’ll find them! Stay strong!
@sup762 Thanks! I appreciate your advice! Yeah, I just don’t want to be in my late years of college and still don’t have friends lol. I think I screwed up my four years of h.s so badly that I have that redemption mindset right now.
That’s a reasonable mindset to have. I messed up badly my first two years of high school myself, so I understand where you’re coming from. You’ll make friends, I’m sure of it!
Definitely if there is no commuters club go to the office of Campus Activities, Office of Student organizations, or Student Activities (or whatever it is called at your college) and ask if you could start one. Then when at classes or walking in between, in the cafeteria, etc ask fellow commuters to sign up so the club takes off. Most will be happy to join. Keep track of name and numbers and set up an activity or meet up once a month and encourage others to do so as well. There are a great many people in your same situation. Good luck
