<p>An oldie but a goodie regarding the themes discussed here:</p>
<p>[Beverly</a> Beckham: I was the sun, the kids were my planets - The Boston Globe](<a href=“http://www.boston.com/community/moms/articles/2006/08/27/beverly_beckham_i_was_the_sun_the_kids_were_my_planets/?p1=Upbox_links]Beverly”>http://www.boston.com/community/moms/articles/2006/08/27/beverly_beckham_i_was_the_sun_the_kids_were_my_planets/?p1=Upbox_links)</p>
<p>OK time to lighten things up for a minute. Here’s a preview of what’s to come in about 4 months (so accurate that it’s a little scary): [Kids</a> home on college break: Homo studentus universitatus season is winding to a close - Chicago Tribune](<a href=“A peek at the winter habits of homo studentus universitatus”>A peek at the winter habits of homo studentus universitatus)</p>
<p>LasMa, I appreciate your sharing that you had a rough time when your only child went to college. It’s been since Tuesday that my only child left and I have been struggling somewhat as well. The Chicago Tribune article is comical and creative.</p>
<p>But I still trying to adjust to this new phase in the lives of me, my husband and son. I sure hope it gets better as things go along.</p>
<p>D has been on the phone, texting, emailing and once on Skype since we left her off on Sunday. She seems to be settling in well which has helped me a lot. I would have felt 10 times worse if her texts were negative, but at the moment everything is AWESOME !!</p>
<p>Trouble is at this end though. We are here in the US with no family or friends. There is just the 3 of us, we work in our own business and due to lack of money and the amount of time we are working, we have very little social life. So D was also my best friend. Hubby is on the quiet side, so I’m missing D so much. I don’t have any time to start new hobbies because of the hours I work and there’s just me on my own all day in our business.</p>
<p>I tidied up the house on Thursday and the sad thing is it’s still tidy 
:(</p>
<p>We just got back from moving daughter across country a 4.5 hour flight plus 3 hour drive. This dreaded time had finally arrived. Yes, it felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest on the way home. But I know she is happy at her dream school now. I am reading a book called Beyond the Mommy years…It is very helpful. It explains you will go from grief, relief then on to joy…Very helpful</p>
<p>I so, so wish I could hold each of you in my arms.
I remember this phase very well. I was fortunate (as was my one-and-only) that his college experience went well, for the most part. This is not to say that I did not receive my share of emails and calls about problems…which were resolved one way or another, but the resolution of which were never shared with me, so I continued to fret (please note, this seems to be typical). So none of the issues that arose in his college years was as serious as some we read about on this site. Nonetheless, I needed to do the next step of my own growing up. </p>
<p>This can be done. Really. It can be challenging. But, as I posted previously, the result is an open relationship with an interesting and delightful young adult (sometimes not-so-delightful, but I am not always sweetness and light, either!).</p>
<p>hugs to all the freshman moms!!! have done this a few times…eldest to college, 15 year old to boarding school and then to college…
allow yourself your tears!! and allow yourself the joy of hearing from them.(which imo means call them if you want to…there is no rule about when you can call or how many times…do what you want) the wound will heal, (each time they come home and then leave again, the wound will reopen just a bit) but it slowly gets easier each time… you’ll soon be involved in discussions about classes, and roommates… and you’ll realize its getting easier.</p>
<p>Just got to skype our girl for the first time today. It made me sooo happy just to see her face and get to talk. It helped my heart just a little, but I’ll take it<3</p>
<p>Does this really get easier? Because we dropped our S off at school on Tuesday, and I keep missing him more every day. I honestly never imagined I would miss him this much! He is only one hour away at school. He’s our only child, tho, and it is just so different around the house with him at college!</p>
<p>I’m feeling the pain of the others in this thread. I dropped my daughter off at college (2.75 hrs away) yesterday. I had my son and niece with me for the ride back so it wasn’t too bad. We all cried when we left her for just a few seconds. She loves her dorm and the school and it seems that she and her roommate will be ok together. </p>
<p>She has lots of medical problems and not the best self-esteem from all she has gone through so my heart is breaking so much for her. She is a VERY strong girl and has faced and overcome a lot. She will not have an easy life and she knows that but she stays so positive. She is such a good kid. It’s absolutely horrible not having her here. My work life is so insanely busy that I really don’t have any friends so like others have said she is my best friend. I know that my next step is to start building my own life as it will be now but… </p>
<p>I guess the worst part is - as much as missing her - this makes me realize how my life will continue to change and how my kids will be builiding their own life. I’m already so sad thinking about my 16 yr old son who is totally set on going into the Marines. I have him home for 2 more years so I shouldn’t be thinking about this so much now but yesterday put that in my head and is making me more sad.</p>
<p>How do you guys deal with this. I know eveyrone says it gets better but really??? I guess you have to figure out your own plan for your life and think of the positive things.</p>
<p>It’s great to have this forum to share my feelings.</p>
<p>Take care,</p>
<p>Ippara, ((BIG HUG))</p>
<p>Three weeks ago, my only child went (flew alone) to a pre-orientation program at his school 1000 miles away. Today, I had a physical. The nurse said “we want to take care of your mental and emotional health as well as physical… please fill out this depression survey.” It said “In the last two weeks, how often have you (bulleted list of depressive thoughts and feelings)?”. I just refused to fill it out. :p</p>
<p>I think alot of it is knowing deep down inside that things won’t ever be the way they used to be. It’s so hard to let go of a child after 18 years. They are going on to a new adventure. But it leaves us back home with our own thoughts and feelings of emptiness. But we have a choice of what we want to do with our lives. We need to search our own souls and rediscover what path we now will take. They will always be our kids and we we will always be there for them. Now we need to find who we are. The answer will come to us all, we all have a purpose…Love to all of us freshman moms and dads…</p>
<p>FloridaLady, we dropped our son (only child) off this weekend and I am now worrying about all of the things you mentioned before your D left for school. I think the most wonderful/horrible thing about having a child is the depth of the love that you have for them. My son is an incredible, intelligent young man but I still worry so much about all of the choices and situations he will have to face. </p>
<p>Miller514, my son who is generally a very organized person also seemed very distracted and not on top of things this summer, so I worry he will have difficulty dealing with college. However I think part of it is his anxiety about college. Hopefully he will settle into a routine and get back to his organized self. Missypie you also make an excellent point that many children will have struggles and we need to keep alert to that as well. I know in our parent orientation they warned about telling your child that “this will be the best years of your life”.</p>
<p>My feelings are similar to the way I felt years ago when I was laid off from a job. There is an incredible sadness and missing the familiar routine but also the thought that now I can try something new and different that I really want to do. Hugs to all and I hope every S & D is happy and safe</p>
<p>Thanks Snapdragonfly I needed that big hug. </p>
<p>To the OP - I also have no friends or family around but sounds like yours are probably further. I think that would help a tremendous amount. I really hope you are feeling at least a tiny bit better each day. </p>
<p>This is worse than I ever imagined. Just so empty. It feels like when my mom moved away from where we had always lived when I was about 24. I remember this same deep, aching, empty, lonely feeling. That did get better so I’m guessing this will be somewhat similar.</p>
<p>My daughter is leaving in one week. We had my husband’s family over last night for dinner, a sort of farewell party.</p>
<p>My little one enjoyed telling everyone that I started crying in the bakery when I was ordering the cake. </p>
<p>I was fine all night, until everyone started leaving, and my brother in law hugged DD and said ‘safe travels’. That set me off and I cried for half an hour.</p>
<p>I feel bad crying so much, it makes DD feel bad that I’m so sad. </p>
<p>I have really no family, my mom died when I was young, my father put me in a foster home… DD was the first thing that was really mine, that no one could take away from me. And now she is leaving and I am just so sad. Happy, because she is moving on to a really exciting time in her life, she will be in NYC and she is sooo thrilled about that, but so sad that the time with her has flown by, and it will never be the same.</p>
<p>LeftyLou, one year ago I was in your shoes, sending to NYC and heartbroken. All I can offer is that it gets better with time. There is a bit if a grief process. Make sure to establish what you believe will be acceptable communications. For me, seeing D’s sweet face via skype made a huge difference. Good luck to you and your D. Mine leaves Friday for year two and yes I will shed some tears, but not as many as last year.</p>
<p>Sorry for typos above…dang phone!</p>
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<p>I try to tell myself that it beats the alternative. What if she never wanted to leave home? </p>
<p>My friend has an aunt and uncle whose two “boys” never left home. The “boys” are in their late 30s/early 40s now. They are still treated like boys - laundry done, food cooked for them. My friend says it’s weird as all get out.</p>
<p>We all know intellectually that they need to leave the nest. But we are still entitled to mourn the loss.</p>
<p>Actually, a few weeks ago I fostered, then adopted, a litter of three kittens. They are just about the best kitties I have had - soo sweet and personable.</p>
<p>It might not be an option for everyone, and yes, it’s obvious I’m compensating with them, 
but little Mango, Oberon, and Titania are doing about as good a job as I think anything could do, to help chase away the tears and the blues.</p>
<p>Not the same thing as the light of my life that is my daughter…but, right now little Titania is curled up on my arms as I type and I can cuddle her all I want to. It does help.</p>
<p>Missypie, you are right -we know they have to go, hell, we all went through a year or more of helping them find the school - but it is a loss and we do have to mourn it. I wish those of you with no family close could come visit me, we could watch chick flicks and eat chocolate together.</p>