<p>MiamiDap - these kids will also be a year older and a year more mature. They’ll figure it out once they get there - we all do. But college applications and the whole process of applying to college is HUGE - even I’m lost and I have a college education!!</p>
<p>^Not all by far. Even the best fail in good numbers. Smart realize to seek help, some are way too proud though…but the reason for problem in most cases is inability to manage time because helpful mommy was doing it for them at home. Nope, no such help was provided to my kid. She was very thankful for keeping her busy with all kind of activities at home (we paid for them) and she could clearly see advantages of being on top of things by herself in HS.<br>
I am not trying to scare. I am being realistic. The real help is to allow high schooler to carry their own weight, it will be very helpful in year when they start at college. The adjustment to college will be very painful otherwise.</p>
<p>“^It is good, but they need to learn to set their own goals at this point. We are not there with them at college” - True. But the college app process is a whole different ballgame, more logistically complex than challenges faced by college freshman. </p>
<p>Once HS seniors have completed the process, they “get it” (and will likely remember it well if they apply to grad school). At this point they may not.</p>
<p>I agree with Megan and Lisa. My son does carry his own weight and it sounds like theirs does too. Could our children handle doing these applications themselves… yes i believe they probably can. Most of these kids probably do more work in a week then we do ourselves. On some days my son is up at 6:30a and is home at 9:30p. He gets his projects done, papers written, works a job and a myriad of other things. (even does his own laundry).
Would your husband/wife allow you to make of purchase of $200,000 without being in on it. I know mine would not. This is basically what our kids are doing. For some of us it is trying to get $200,000 in scholarship and financial aid monies. I do not believe for a minute this is the time to let them “figure it out themselves”. If a student absolutely refuses a parents help, they are the ones that need to grow up and mature.</p>
<p>First off - we’re talking about a boy, not a girl. There’s a big difference. Girls are, for the most part, more organized, more mature, better planners. I’m sure there are boys that fit into that group as well, but there a lot of boys who don’t get those skills until later. I’m still waiting for my husband to learn them…</p>
<p>So should I just throw DS into the fire and let him burn? “Here’s all your college crap - now go figure out what to do with it.” Yeah, that’ll work.</p>
<p>I don’t get the people who think that parents helping their kids through the college process is wrong, especially when the kids are in way over their heads? Why do you think we’re doing them a disservice? Because they might not be able to handle freshman year in college? That’s ridiculous! What does one thing have to do with the other? We’re talking specifically about college applications, not how they handle everything else in their lives. </p>
<p>Some of you are such Debbie Downers! “If you don’t let him handle applying to college all on his own, he’ll be a failure for the rest of his life!” Seriously??</p>
<p>Also sounds like some are making the process much more complicated than it needs to be. D. has applied to very selctive programs that included interviews. She went to many of them at Medical schools too (being in High School). Her process was not near as difficult as college adjustment process (which she has managed successfully but admitted that she did not expect it to be as difficult). As a parent of a child who has graduated from UG and currently is in Med. School (and again is trying to adjust to new challenges), I would say that most here got it backwards. Nope, it will not get easier once they are there at their first college lecture, it was not for my kid. Best to everyone anyway!!</p>
<p>I think the disagreement here is apples to oranges. The skills needed to complete the complexity of a college app are DIFFERENT from the skills needed for adjusting to college. Some kids are much more organized, goal-oriented, planners, who can take on the details of college planning. This does not mean they are better prepared to handle the academic pressure, social challenges, or time away from family that comes with being away at college.</p>
<p>Similarly, kids who do not have the skills to take on the huge task of completing the college app process on their own may do wonderfully at college. You just cannot compare the two. They are different skill sets. This discussion about helping a parent with a procrastinating son has gotten derailed by accusations that helping him is somehow going to backfire later on.</p>
<p>THANK YOU, MAGGIEDOG!! That’s all I’m sayin’!!</p>
<p>Identifing deadlines, setting goals, writing your own essays, doing research are all skills that are involved here in the app process. If you believe these are different skill sets than what is needed in college, then I am at a loss.</p>
<p>I am NOT saying that you shouldn’t help him. I just draw the line at writing even first draft eassys (which megan said she did), conducting most of the research (which she also claims to have done), etc.</p>
<p>To think that he will all of sudden change just because he will then be in college is not realistic. If anything, the lack of these skills will hurt him a lot in college. So if the baby bird is going to fly, he better learn to at least flap his wings now.</p>
<p>Agree. I also think that some kids may have some separation anxiety. This really is the first big step to being on their own. In addition some kids might not be all that fired up about the choice of schools available to them so they are not in a big rush to apply.</p>
<p>^^ Jumping up and down to agree with Megan and Maggie and ACollegeDad. This thread has taken a strange turn. Megan, other than the once-a-week goal, I have given S a spreadsheet of the schools and their deadlines (plus more). He printed out the Common App to get a visual. It’s easier to see the entire app, in hand, than looking online. He receives emails daily from his favorite schools, since he signed up for their mailing list - this is a daily reminder that things need to be done. I collected the emails of the schools’ local reps and asked him to contact each with a thank you, a question, an update. </p>
<p>Just some things that keep him motivated.</p>
<p>Now if we could just get them to clean their rooms…</p>
<p>Well, I can identify as my S is definitely a procrastinator! In California, apps for state colleges were due by end of November, so we had to get going.</p>
<p>We did a lot of ‘reminding’, but ultimately we left it to my S to research what colleges he wanted and to complete the applications. He knew what the deadlines were and knew the consequences of not completing on time. He may have done it at the very last, but he did end up doing it all on his own.</p>
<p>I think deep down he knew that he wanted to go to college, so he knew it had to get done. </p>
<p>Now, just a few more days until we actually move him into his dorm, and we can finally breathe that big sigh of relief that it’s all done! (at least this phase!)</p>
<p>“I just draw the line at writing even first draft eassys (which megan said she did)”</p>
<p>FYI - I NEVER said that. The kid is a writer (he writes plays, short stories, songs, poems, and articles for the local paper) - WHY would I write his essay?? I said I wanted to read it and critique it. Big difference. </p>
<p>I’m pretty sure DS knows how to do research, set deadlines, and write essays - the boy gets straight A’s and is in the Honor Society. He’s just less than enthusiastic about the college apps, which I don’t think is all that unusual. It’s just frustrating for mom.</p>
<p>He didn’t ask me to do all the research - I did it because I wanted to give him the best options. I knew way more about the schools than he did, and I knew what to look for. He’s the first kid, so he knew nothing about what schools were the top ones or why. Once he started going on tours, he could really start to define his likes and dislikes. Isn’t that what a parent is for - guidance? </p>
<p>I totally agree with the spreadsheet idea and lists with deadlines. Now if I could just get DS to read them! LOL!</p>
<p>As for the separation anxiety - that is definitely possible.</p>
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<p>My D would say this statement is sexist. Both my S & D have the same level of AP. Actually my S was better: he applied EA; my D did not.</p>
<p>It is sexist - never said it wasn’t. It also seems generally true in IMO. Guess you got lucky!</p>
<p>Strongly agree with post #49 by HPuck35.</p>
<p>Very strong warning against “writing even first draft eassys (which megan said she did)”. It did not even occur to me that some parents are doing that. Very great disservice to a young person who will be completely overhelmed with ton of research/writing at college that will have to be done at much higher level than anything before, including college essays. It will include tests and science classes (seemingly non-writing). They need to develop very strong writing skills before college. Parents are free to do what they feel the best for their kids. But, please, think a bit further than just current task at hand. Every hurdle is a learning experience that will propell a young person to future success. If it is not used this way, it will be just more difficult in a future. This is based on my experience, these are not just some empty, non-supported statements. D. is a strong writer who is currently helping inner city kids with their college applications, while being at Medical School. Her school is closely involved with surrounding community. D. has mentioned that not only she did NOT write anything for her student, she is trying to be extremely careful with her suggestions. She will not even directly suggest how to improve essay, she will lead a girl to improve it by herself by asking her questions that might direct a student to proper corrections (and learn how to be a better writer at the same time). This approach will take longer time.</p>
<p>“Very strong warning against “writing even first draft eassys (which megan said she did)”.”</p>
<p>ONE MORE TIME FOR THE HARD OF HEARING - I DID NOT SAY THAT!!</p>
<p>Megan, they are yanking your chain to get a reaction out of you. They seem to be doing a good job at it. You might consider sticking your tongue out at them and blow raspberries. :o</p>
<p>My D (applying this fall) had many friends who were seniors last year. In front of her, I asked each of them what advice they would give her about the application process. Every single one said, “Get started early.”
Point- it IS a lot to do with everything else going on.
Point- let peers with experience that your child respects share this nugget!
Not sure how much tractions this will give my D, but she did listen.
Good luck all!</p>