Anyone NOT enjoying the "hook-up" culture?

Student Lounge College Life
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I don't care if you're conservative or close-minded or anything Nick. I only care for the the truth. Do you or do you not have anything other than your own personal beliefs or anecdotal evidence to support your viewpoint?

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<p>Why does everything have to be about evidence? Why can't you just use your common-sense on why pre-marital sex leads to higher divorce? Still, if you want evidence, here it is. Also, I suggest taking a sociology, or anthropology or psychology course in college and you'll see that most text book support this claim. </p>

<p>"This is especially true for women; those who engaged in sex before marriage are more than twice as likely to have extramarital affairs as those who did not have premarital sex." Physicians For Life
Among a random sample of subscribers to the magazine Christianity Today, those who had engaged in sex before marriage were more likely to commit adultery than those who had no premarital sexual experience. "Christianity Today Marriage and divorce Survey Report, " CT Inc. Research Department, July, 1992. United Families International</p>

<p>Premarital Sex and Divorce:</p>

<p>Multiple premarital sex partners enhance women's risk of divorce. Premarital Sex, Cohabitation, and Divorce: the Broken Link
Those who are sexually active before marriage are much more likely to divorce. A study of 2,746 women in the National Survey of Family Growth performed by Dr. Kahn of the Univ of Maryland and Dr. London of the National Center for Health Statistics found that non-virgin brides increase their odds of divorce by about 60%. Physicians For Life
A U.S. study found that compared to those who marry as virgins, men are 63 percent more likely and women 76 percent more likely to divorce if they have had sex before marriage. Edward O. Laumann et al., The Social Organization of Sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United States (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1994), 364. United Families International
Individuals who engage in premarital sexual activity are 50 percent more likely to divorce later in life than those who remained abstinent prior to their marriage. Joan R. Kahn and Kathryn A. London, "Premarital Sex and the Risk of Divorce, " Journal of Marriage and the Family 53 (1991): 845-855. United Families International
Women who are virgins when they marry are far less likely to divorce than women who are not" (Current Thoughts and Trends review of U.S. News and World Report, May 19, 1997, "Was It Good for Us?, " David Whitman)." Is Obeying God Worth It?
Men and women who marry as virgins are significantly less likely to divorce. Men who marry as virgins are 37% less likely to divorce and women who marry as virgins are 24% less likely to divorce (Laumann, Gagnon, Michael, and Michaels 1994). What the figures tell</p>

<p>Cohabitation and Infidelity:</p>

<p>In a study published in the Journal of Marriage and the Family researchers analyzed the relationships of 1,235 women, ages 20 to 37, and found that women that had cohabited before marriage were 3.3 times more likely to have a secondary sex partner after marriage (Forste and Tanfer 1996:33-47). Physicians For Life</p>

<p>Cohabitation and Divorce:</p>

<p>Cohabitating couples are 33% more likely to divorce than couples who do not live together before marriage. Is Obeying God Worth It?
"Cohabiting couples are less satisfied than married spouses with their partnerships; are not as close to their parents, are less committed to each other; and, if they eventually marry, have higher chances of divorce" (Nock 1998: 4). What the figures tell
Individuals who cohabit before they marry face a significantly higher chance of getting divorced than those who do not cohabit. Married couples, where both spouses have cohabited, are between 33% (Cherlin 1992) and 50% (Laumann, Gagnon, Michael, and Michaels 1994) more likely to divorce than married couples, where neither spouse has cohabited. What the figures tell</p>

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And I want you to apologize for calling me a promiscuous girl, silly, and someone who sleeps with men for money, and for calling others sluts and whores. Don't ever talk that way to or about a woman again. </p>

<p>If those are morals, I want no part of them.

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<p>Ok, I apologize. Those comments were out of order. But why do you bring this situation upon yourself by talking about your sex life on forums, by discussing how many times you've had sex with your boyfriend (who you also said will be a great father one day, but you don't think about this stuff right now, and yet have sex with him), and how you go around flirting with other guys as a rebound when you have an argument with your boyfriend. What is a rational person supposed to assume from these posts of yours? That you're on angel? Oh please. Take your fantasies somewhere else.</p>

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I've tried to be eminently rational. I haven't resorted to personal attacks and unsupported generalizations. I've asked questions; I've offered examples. I've tried to have a conversation and not a mudslinging contest.</p>

<p>And I can't. I can't do it. You won't even consider that there might be some legitimacy to anyone else's viewpoint.

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<p>How are you rational? How does your viewpoint have any legitimacy? You're not even in your twenties and yet make silly decisions in your personal life. You don't really love your boyfriend. You lust for him. And when there's lust, relationships don't always last, which I'm sure will be the case for you. No doubt.</p>

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<p>Oh man Christianity Today magazine. Surely not a biased source of information. But whatever.
I just believe that most men and women that hold out until marriage are using sex as a way to get something they desire. A ring, "forever commitment", proof that they are worthy of someone's love and not just lust. If anyone doesn't have self-respect, it's purity-pledgers. Many of them are so insecure about their bodies and self-worth that they have to wait until someone pledges their undying love to them before they have intimate relations. This way of thinking reduces sex to a bargaining chip, and that's not what sex should be.
If anything, the whole "wait until you're married" purity movement has only unnecessarily complicated sex. What happened to the sexual revolution of the '60s and all that?</p>

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<p>Most people just make out and stuff. Or if you don't want to go all the way, just do less hardcore things.</p>

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A ring, "forever commitment", proof that they are worthy of someone's love and not just lust. If anyone doesn't have self-respect, it's purity-pledgers. Many of them are so insecure about their bodies and self-worth that they have to wait until someone pledges their undying love to them before they have intimate relations. This way of thinking reduces sex to a bargaining chip, and that's not what sex should be.

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<p>Hats off to you for making the hasty generalization. Why are you ASSUMING that people that wait are so insecure about their bodies? Maybe they have a brain and common sense, unlike you, and thus make the right decision? Do you think everyone in eastern socities that waits until marriage has low self esteem? </p>

<p>People in relationships that aren't married are NOT committed. Marriage shows that committment, whether you like it or not. Whether people sustain that committment is a different issue, but as I showed the evidence above, people that aren't married are more likely to be promiscuous. </p>

<p>And oh please, just because one of the sources of info comes from Christian Today magazine doesn't make my argument completely biased.</p>

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We talk about our future as if it's happening, just not in such concrete terms. He asks me, sounding concerned, if I liked living in D.C., because he's a government major and will probably get a job there after graduating. I ask him if he would be as supportive of my career as I'd be of his. We talk about having children indirectly (that we'd like to, that we've similar ideas about how to raise them) but we aren't making plans. I spend Thanksgiving and Passover with his family, as I'm neither American nor Jewish and don't celebrate them myself. We aren't engaged, and we haven't said outright "I want to marry you and have children with you," but it's more or less implicit.</p>

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I'm a good person. I'm a caring daughter, sister, and girlfriend. I'm considerate and respectful. I have principles that I don't compromise. I'm no angel, but I never aimed to be.</p>

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No, I love him, wholly and without reservations. Which part of what I posted makes you think I don't?</p>

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<p>I hate the hook-up culture too. I'm not having sex with anyone until I really love them with my heart.</p>

<p>Unfooooortunately, I had a lapse of judgement and made out/fooled around with some random person at a party. We didn't have sex, but now I'm afraid I might have herpes. </p>

<p>I'm not joking.
=(</p>

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<p>hahaha I bet you do. The gift that keeps on giving...</p>

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<p>I think it depends on the nature of the hookup...it's bad if you do it because you feel like you have to in order to keep/get a bf/gf...but if you both have the same expectations for it, and no one's doing it just to please anyone, it should just be up to them...</p>

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<p>"And oh please, just because one of the sources of info comes from Christian Today magazine doesn't make my argument completely biased."</p>

<p>Sure does buddy, a Christian information source is about as legitimate as hearing it from a mentally retarded child..</p>

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<p>The Christian magazine may be biased, but keep in mind that the people doing studies about the topics being discussed are going to be groups interested in the results. Christians would have an interest in this, thus they are likely to be involved in these studies. Saying the Christians are inherently biased would be similar to saying that all scientists are inherently biased when they experiment because they have a certain hypothesis going into a study. Just because you have something to prove doesn't mean you'd be an unreliable source.</p>

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The Christian magazine may be biased, but keep in mind that the people doing studies about the topics being discussed are going to be groups interested in the results. Christians would have an interest in this, thus they are likely to be involved in these studies. Saying the Christians are inherently biased would be similar to saying that all scientists are inherently biased when they experiment because they have a certain hypothesis going into a study. Just because you have something to prove doesn't mean you'd be an unreliable source.

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<p>LOL. Not at all buddy. That's not how scientific inquiry works.</p>

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<p>...Those who have had premarital sex, it stands to reason, would have a broader range of experiences with which to compare their marriages. If their marriage is unsatisfactory, they therefore have the confidence to say that YES, there is something better. They'd also be less likely to have the religious baggage that comes with divorce. Hence, they're more likely to divorce.</p>

<p>...Is that really such a bad thing? It's the unmet social expectation of lifelong monogamy and the legal/cultural structure of marriage (and child-rearing) that makes divorce devastating. If couples really reckoned with the odds of divorce and planned for it as a possibility instead of blindly asserting that they'll beat the odds, people leaving unhappy relationships is positive.</p>

<p>When it comes down to it, lifelong monogamy is great for those who want it, but it's not the end-all, be-all of relationships. It's not the only fulfilling experience. It's not the One True Path. </p>

<p>Frankly, I fall into the mold of a serial monogamist. I have year-long+ serious relationships. And when they end, they end. I don't expect to be with my partners forever, although I do want to be lifelong friends (with the past 2 boyfriends, that's working). The combination of grad school and research and an academic career will have me moving from place to place and I'm sure that would be the case with many of my potential partners. I could not be with a person who'd sacrifice his dreams for me and I could not do that for anyone either. So if there's a happy moment where it works for both of us, that's wonderful. But being a fulfilled and complete human being requires being your own person, not just being with someone you love.</p>

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<p>Well... coming from a person who's relationships don't last over a month or two (mostly due to my decision), I would have to say that leshachikha is correct. When I start a relationship, I plan for the next one. I'm not devastated when we break up, or I find a guy I'm more interested in. It's just life. I like the above post and believe that a happy life should be like above.</p>

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<p>"When i start a relationship, I plan for the next one."</p>

<p>I don't get the point of that.</p>

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Sure does buddy, a Christian information source is about as legitimate as hearing it from a mentally retarded child..

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<p>The Christian Science Monitor is one of the most rigourous media sources out there.</p>

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<p>@ CaseSpartan: Because the point of a relationship (to me anyway) is to have fun. So yes, I plan for the next relationship. Not that I am miserable in the relationship, just ready for the breakup. I just don't mess up my next potential relationships. I'm never so n</p>

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<p>Correct, Christian Science Monitor is a well respected newspaper. The name is a reflection of tradition.</p>

<p>Taken from wikipedia:

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Despite its name, the Monitor was not established to be a religious-themed paper, nor does it promote the doctrine of its patron church. However, at its founder Eddy's request, a daily religious article has appeared in every issue of the Monitor. Eddy also required the inclusion of "Christian Science" in the paper's name, over initial opposition by some of her advisers who thought the religious reference might repel a secular audience[1].</p>

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<p>Wikipedia is legit in this context because it is basic knowledge, so you don't need an academic journal to back it up.</p>

<p>I'm not against sex during a relationship, I know people who are in sexual relationships and are perfectly fine. However, I find that some people in this forum are really preachy about becoming sexual active, as if they were guilty of doing it and want to justify it.</p>

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<p>I don't understand the whole hookup thing. I just can't really wrap my mind around it. Like, I understand the reasoning behind it or whatever, but I just cannot understand the mindset of people who do that; it is totally foreign to me because it is completely the opposite of everything I've ever wanted for myself. But whatever. To each their own, I guess.</p>

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<p>So in band camp you never had sex with anyone? Yawn.</p>

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<p>We didn't have band camp at my school, actually.</p>

<p>And that joke is old and tired and not really very funny anymore. Not that it was funny to begin with.</p>